Surreal Eyes, Look Back and See That What I Mean! Schlamozzel's W/OFeb 20 '04 Write an essay on this topic.
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The Bottom Line It's time for my medication. Join this W/O and take a vacation from reality.
Thanks to Schlamozzel for this coming up with this totally radical exercise in surrealism. I sure could use some exercise after the holidays and the winter weight gain. It's been really hard to try to fit in my corset lately. So if a tree falls in the middle of the forest and no one is there to hear it, will you still read my Write-Off entry? 1) If 1 plus 1 = 2, then how much does 2 plus 1 =? I have to calculate the circumference of a lot of places before I try go through them with my hoop skirt on. It's not fun being stuck in a tight place with your knickers and ankles showing. Plus, Mammy gets mad at me when I dirty up my new petticoats. 2) At this very moment Gerald and Raymond are on the equator at the international date line and begin traveling east at a speed of 472 kilometers per hour (hey, I have to think global here). Accounting for the speed in which the earth rotates how long will it take until they reach the exact point from which they began their journey and will they be there yesterday or today? I have felt the hunger and the sadness of losing of everything in my life, but I have persevered and have now learned how to make my clothing out of old curtains. It's great. I show off my clothes and strut around in the South asking men for money with my new duds on. I am even thinking of going international with my new line of exclusive curtain clothes. Next, I think that I will ask that singing nun woman from the "Sound of Music" to help me make mass quantities of children's clothes out of drapes. It (making clothes out of curtains) is all the rage in those 4 hour classic movies, so I figure why not? Puts a new spin on "window shopping" doesn't it? 3) How do you like your eggs cooked? The heat from my hairdryer fries my hair...and, how come I always think the phone is ringing when I am using my hairdryer? I turn it off 6 or 7 times because I swear I hear it ringing, but nothing...well, sometimes it is ringing, but most to of the time not. If I do turn off the hairdryer because the phone IS ringing and it's a telemarketer, I get really mad and then my hair doesn't dry right ...as God as my witness I'll never go hungry again. 4) Which automobile manufactured in the 1920's would you prefer to own? Rhett borrowed this pathetic carriage from that Madame woman and then left me by a bridge to go off and fight in the war! The nerve! All he left me with was a kiss and a loaded pistol. The story of my life! 5) Is there snow atop Mt. Everest or is it ice? Sometimes I get an ice cream headache from drinking ICEEs. If I suck too much up the straw at once, it hits my fillings and then the cold against the metal filling causes me to shiver and then I get this burst of pain up the side of my head and my eyes get all watery. 6) Sarah has 5 apples. Judy has 2 pears. Maude has 6 kiwi fruit. Which one of these statements is unlike the other two. She with the biggest melons, wins. 7) Name 3 provinces in China. The Butcher, the Baker, and the Candlestick Maker in a slow boat to China. Who cares? Oh Fiddle-De-De, has anybody seen my Ashley lately? 8) Who composed the 1812 Overture? Tippecanoe and Tyler too during the war between he US and Great Britain. I would like to have shot off a musket just for the fun of it and maybe taken in some wounded solders to nurse them back to health. Personally, I got into the Civil War a little more. 9) How many cards are in a deck of cards used to play poker? Rhett was a Captain, Captain Butler. Captains are officers in the Navy. They swab decks in the Navy. I bet they sometimes they play cards when they are finished deck swabbing. Rhett Butler was a gambler and he let them Yankees think that he was letting them win all his money in that card game in prison. That was before I showed up to borrow money. Frankly, I would have played strip poker with them, so I could win the pot plus get them all naked. 10) Given a choice of orange juice, lemonade, or pineapple juice which would you prefer? I like sippin' Mint Juleps on the front porch swing while entertaining gentleman callers. It is very difficult with my hoop skirt on though cause it keeps coming up over my head while I am sitting on the swing. In the summer you get a nice cool breeze that way. OK, to join in on confusion, go here: http://www.epinions.com/content_3757940868 Thanks to Schlamozzel for hosting this write-off! And thank to my alter ego, Scarlet, who write this. I am so confused now that the voices in my head are having to reintroduce themselves to one another.  |
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