The Seventh Summit (A short play)
Mar 08 '04
The Bottom Line This play was first staged last summer, as part of an evening of theater. I would greatly appreciate any critiques or criticism. Be harsh, I can take it.
(Lights up on a bare stage, with only a raised platform at the middle. There is a pole on the platform with a rope leading off the back of it. Over the top of the platform after a moment we see a pair of men dressed in full climbing gear make their way over the crest to the top. It is cold. They are EDMOND, an Englishman, and DAVID, an American. Both are in their late 20s, early 30s)
EDMOND: Ha ha! I told you we'd make it today! Ha! Ha ha!
DAVID: Thank God. (he plops down, exhausted) I think I may have literally froze my a$$ off on this climb.
EDMOND: But look at what we've accomplished, my boy! The seven summits in only two years! Isn't it grand?
DAVID: Yeah, right, grand. You want to hand me those matches, I'm going to try and defrost my face.
EDMOND: (taking out matches and radio) Going to call down to camp, told them we made it. (into radio) Base camp, this is Edmond, we’ve reached the summit of Vinson Massif. Over. (pause) Hello?
RADIO: (cracking, breaking up) We hear…congratu…see you in…
EDMOND: Roger. Over and out. (turns off radio, puts back in pocket) Sounds like it’s dying on us.
DAVID: It’ll be fine.
EDMOND: David, you’re a fine fellow, journeying all around the world with me these last few years. It would have been a lot of long, lonely nights on these mountains without you.
DAVID: Don’t say that when we get back to camp, the reporters will think we’re sweethearts.
EDMOND: Sorry. But don’t you see? Can’t you feel it? We went out there and we did it! People will ask ‘Why did you climb that mountain?’ And we can tell them ‘Because it was there!’
DAVID: Yeah, but, um, why did we climb these mountains?
EDMOND: (long pause) You belittle my life’s work.
DAVID: I mean, I was looking for something to do. Couldn’t find a job for a few months, thought maybe I’d do a little traveling, figured this might make an interesting book, mountain climbing. But really, why did we bother? It doesn’t really mean anything. And it was dangerous. And cold. And we almost died. A dozen times. What’s the point? Why do people climb mountains?
EDMOND: Because they are there, that’s why!
DAVID: Solid logic you’ve got working for you.
EDMOND: We saw the world, right? We went to Africa, South America, climbed the Elbrus, Denali, all of them. Here we are in Antarctica, godforsaken Antarctica, on top of 16,000 feet of the Vinson Massif, having conquered the entire world of mountain climbing, and you treat it like we’ve just won a game of Scrabble. This is a major accomplishment, David! We’ll be folk heroes for little boys the world over!
DAVID: Edmond, I can’t name one mountain climber, besides you. Not one. Who the hell’s going to care?
EDMOND: Sir Edmond Hillary, that’s who! And Reinhold Messner! And Dick Bass! And Tenzing Norgay! And George Leigh Mallory! And –
DAVID: Wait, I think you’ve answered my question. Who?
EDMOND: The most famous climbers in modern times! I feel proud to have spoken their names on this historic peak.
DAVID: Yeah, me too. Say, you wanna head back down now? Not to throw a damper on the party, but this is Antarctica, and my face doesn’t feet any better.
EDMOND: I’m surprised at you, David. I thought you would have developed some appreciation for the sport, after achieving so much, and growing into such a fine climber yourself.
DAVID: I’m a quick study, I taught myself the piano in four months. Come on, before the frostbite sets in.
EDMOND: Just a few moments, you old sod. Let me enjoy it a few moments.
DAVID: All right, all right, knock yourself out.
(They sit a moment, staring around at the world from the top)
DAVID: At least I’m not hallucinating up here.
EDMOND: Like on Kilimanjaro.
DAVID: I could’ve sworn you had antlers and were wearing my grandmother’s face.
EDMOND: It’s a good thing you fainted or you might have killed us both. So what do you plan to do now, with the seven summits behind us?
DAVID: Oh, you know, write that book probably. See if the notoriety you claim I’ll have will translate into scoring with hot chicks. Play boccie. Paint a self portrait. Things like that.
EDMOND: Oh. I was hoping you might want to keep climbing with me. There are still lots of places to go.
DAVID: Ah, no. No offense, Edmond, but I need a break. Maybe a few years down the road, if I’ve got some time to kill, we’ll take a little nature hike. Maybe go see the Grand Canyon. But no more Everest, no more expedition permits, no more Antarctica.
EDMOND: Oh. I see. Well, I for one am going on. The boy with the gimpy leg from Bristol is going to keep climbing!
DAVID: Whatever makes you happy. But why bother?
EDMOND: You dash my dreams against the rocks of your pessimistic soul.
DAVID: Damn, you don’t have to be so dramatic, guvna. Well, the only climbing I’m doing from here on is into bed with a hot blond or into bed with a wicked hangover. Or to the gates of heaven, if they built it on a hill.
EDMOND: After all this, you really want to just give it all up? All the adventure? All this excitement?
DAVID: Freezing my a$$ off on a big icicle near the south pole is about as much fun as playing touch football with a sunburn.
EDMOND: (pause) I always rather liked football.
DAVID: Yeah.
EDMOND: But not that American football.
DAVID: We’re not going to get into that again.
EDMOND: Well, I hope you’ll be happy in your new life.
DAVID: It was my old life, you know, before I ran into you that day in Washington. (pause) Well don’t get yourself all down about it, we had some laughs – well, we had some good times – well…ok, we didn’t kill each other – but now we’ll move on with our lives. It’ll be fine.
EDMOND: Hmm.
DAVID: What?
EDMOND: I wonder…
DAVID: You wonder what, crusty?
EDMOND: Was there any point to all this? Was this just one big ego trip, fueled by my need to get back at the children who tormented me?
DAVID: You said so yourself, you only had the gimpy leg for a few months when you were ten. You even said that practically no one mentioned it to you.
EDMOND: They talked behind my back! And those were my formative years! It was all very damaging. (pause) Maybe you’re right, maybe it was all a waste of time.
DAVID: Oh, come on, you’re going to listen to me? I’m talking out my a$$. Even I recognize it’s an accomplishment. How many people have climbed the seven highest mountains on the seven continents, huh? Not too many. And what about all those guys you mentioned? They’ll be proud, right?
EDMOND: Oh, half of them are dead.
DAVID: (pause) Then how could they care about –
EDMOND: I was speaking figuratively.
DAVID: Oh.
EDMOND: Yes, what’s the point?
DAVID: Edmond, we really should be heading back to camp.
EDMOND: Maybe I’ll retire from climbing as well.
DAVID: You could take up tennis, lovely sport. We should get going.
EDMOND: I think I’ll be staying, old chap.
DAVID: What?
EDMOND: You go on David. Have a good life.
DAVID: Oh, not again.
EDMOND: I’ll just become a permanent attraction here. A frozen reminder of what not to do with your life.
DAVID: This is the same routine you pulled in Tibet. Then you waited up there on Everest so long you blacked out from the lack of oxygen and those poor little sherpas had to carry your bloated British carcass back down to camp. Knock it off, you’re coming.
EDMOND: No, sorry. And there are no sherpas to stop me this time.
(Edmond sits, calmly staring out. David looks from him to the edge where they climbed up and back. He doesn’t know what to do)
DAVID: Listen, you psycho, I’m not just going to leave you up here, and you’ll change your mind in an hour or two anyway, so why not just –
(Edmond grabs a pack and hurls it behind him over the edge of the mountain. David stares, amazed, at him and the edge)
DAVID: Are you out of your mind?
EDMOND: Just resigning myself to my fate.
DAVID: Don’t be a fool, Edmond, we’ve got to –
(Edmond tosses a pole over the edge)
DAVID: Stop that! I’m not giving you a piggyback ride down 16,000 feet! Hey, that was my pole!
EDMOND: Why don’t you stay too, old boy? What have you got waiting for you back in America? No family, no real friends. Broke. Unhappy. We can become a monument to self sacrifice and self loathing.
DAVID: To hell with that! I want fortune and glory and girls in red garters and hamburgers and apple pie. This martyring myself on top of the world isn’t for me.
(Edmond stands up and grabs David’s pack)
EDMOND: Stay here. It’ll give your whole life perspective.
DAVID: Don’t you dare, you dirty –
(Edmond throws David’s pack over the edge)
DAVID: No! You son of a - well how do you like this?
(David grabs Edmond’s pole and throws it over. Edmond takes David’s other pole and throws it over)
DAVID: Why you…
(David rips Edmond’s ice pick off his belt and throws it. Edmond does the same to David. David grabs Edmond’s other pole, throws it. Edmond whips off David’s goggles from atop his head and throws them over. This goes on until there is no gear of any type left)
EDMOND: You’ll thank me later.
DAVID: When? When I’ve frozen to death with my hands clamped around your neck? I’m getting the hell out of here while I still have the chance!
(David goes to the rope leading down the mountain)
EDMOND: You’re just like all the Americans I’ve known. Lazy, unappreciative, ill-mannered, vulgar. This could have been the pinnacle of your entire existence and you treated it like another day at the office, you swine.
DAVID: And you, you’re like all the Brits I know. Stuck-up, pompous, condescending wind bags, placing too much importance on nonsense like the top of this stupid slab of rock!
EDMOND: So we’re just a couple of stereotypes!
DAVID: That’s right! A couple of stereotypes on top of the most miserable stone popsicle in the world. But not for long, I’m getting my sorry a$$ down this mountain and away from you.
(Edmond takes hold of the rope and pole that stretch down the mountain, with David still holding it as well)
EDMOND: It’s for your own good.
DAVID: Some doctor you would’ve made. Now don’t even think about it. Your craziness has made getting down hard enough, but we need this.
(They struggle over it, back and forth, until it finally wrenches free from the ground and hurtles over the edge of the mountain, leaving them both watching it go)
DAVID: Well, that’s it. We’re dead. You’ve finished us off.
EDMOND: Isn’t it peaceful?
DAVID: The air up here really got to you, didn’t it? I can’t believe this, on top of the coldest mountain in the world with a lunatic Englishman and no way off. I should have been a plumber.
EDMOND: Oh, I almost forgot…
(Edmond takes the radio out of his coat)
DAVID: Now don’t be crazy. This is our last chance. Please, we need that radio if we ever want to make if off this hill alive. Please.
EDMOND: I thought we settled this.
DAVID: Edmond, please, listen to me. I didn’t say a word when you want to sleep on Aconcagua, when we just as easily could have left for the village, even though I hadn’t slept in a bed in weeks. I didn’t complain when you got your own tent at base camp two on Everest and I was sleeping with the sherpas and their donkeys. I didn’t yell or scream at you when that Dutchman punched me in the face for what you said on Elbrus. But I don’t want to die out here on this rock. Please, Edmond.
EDMOND: I hear freezing to death is quite pleasant, actually.
DAVID: Find out on your own time!
(Edmond moves toward the edge)
DAVID: Edmond! Wait! There – there are more mountains to climb! Lots more! Um, K2, Mount Hood, um, Kanchenjunga, uh, that one in Indonesia, Carstensz Pyramid. I hear that’s a bastard! Hell, we could climb Everest again! I know how much you enjoyed it last time. Just you and me this time, old pal! Hell, I only lost that one testicle to frostbite, all’s well now.
EDMOND: I am sorry about that.
DAVID: Eh, it wasn’t your fault. Please, just give me the radio. Please.
EDMOND: Ok. (he hands it over) Maybe you’re right. I have always wanted to go to Indonesia.
DAVID: Who hasn’t, huh? Let me just call down to camp, see if we can get one of the boys to run a new line up here and then we’ll start planning it out. Me and you, guvna.
EDMOND: Yeah. Yeah, that should be fun.
(David turns on the radio and fiddles with it)
DAVID: (into radio) Hello, base camp, David and Edmond, over. (he waits, no reply) Base camp, David and Edmond, over. (still no reply)
EDMOND: Are you sure you’re using it properly?
DAVID: I think so.
(Edmond takes it away from David, fiddles with it)
EDMOND: (into radio) Base camp, this is Edmond, still at the summit, over. (waits no reply) Base camp, this is Edmond, we need help, over. (waits – to David) Maybe they’re in the loo.
DAVID: Yeah, yeah, maybe. Maybe their radio got switched off by mistake.
EDMOND: They should notice any minute now.
DAVID: Right.
(They wait a moment, sharing a hopeful, panicking look)
EDMOND: (into radio) Base camp, Edmond and David here, over. (waits, no reply) I think we’re done for.
DAVID: (long pause) I think I hate you.
End
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