|
|
|
Comment |
Sorted by
Date Written |
!!!! (Reply to this comment)
by macresarf1
Dear Goatius: Your play is a nice piece of work. It has pace, character, a sense of place.
The premise is an old fashioned one, of course. It is the kind of play, in other settings, which was popular in the 1920's and'30's: Is lift worth living, etc? In the One Act Play form, Clay Shaw (of Jim Garrison's JFK trial fame) wrote one of the best of them: "Submerged."
In "Submerged," which you probably have read, if not seen, a group of men in a sunken sub have to decide how to escape. The tension is almost immediately established, and the play moves into the plot from there. I would suggest that you introduce some device to create that kind of tension -- say, base camp informs the team that the weather is closing in. The pair's lives are in danger from almost the start.
I might also suggest that you have a little too much throwing of equipment over the edge. It is likely to evoke Monty Python laughter from the audience.
Revise, revise, revise. (And I'm sure you have gotten that lesson already.)
Regards.
[Macresarf1]
|
Apr 29 '04
12:15 pm PDT
|
|
Nice play (Reply to this comment)
by barakah59
American has the dry wit instead of the eccentric Brit.
I wonder if after such an accomplishment anyone would have the attitude that David had on arrival. Do you really think a pessimist would have accomplished seven peaks?
Just a thought but David could have been excited about finishing the seventh peak and the possibility of the notoriety plans for his future. This triggers Edmond's realization that at mid 20's he has already accomplished his ultimate goal. Realizing his friend is going to have a life and move on he goes crazy.
But that's just me.
The dialect was good and the story was engaging and no I didn't foresee where this was going so that is a good thing.
I hope this is the kind of critique you were looking for.
~Mark
|
Mar 25 '04
11:31 pm PST
|
|
Good job! (Reply to this comment)
by dreaming4ever
Wow! That was really great. I truly enjoy your writing, hope to see more of it in the future. If only I was as good as you...well, I'm keep trying and maybe I'll get there someday. Have you ever gotten any published? I want to be a writer and am trying to figure out the best way to go about it? Got any ideas?? Any help would be great!
SARAH
|
Mar 14 '04
7:29 pm PST
|
|
Re: That's pretty good! (Reply to this comment)
by Goatius
Thanks for reading, and thanks for sending me that link! Your debate was excellent, really enjoyed it.
goatius
|
Mar 14 '04
1:35 pm PST
|
|
That's pretty good! (Reply to this comment)
by matthewn
I did an essay for my philosophy class two years ago, and posted it on Epinions. It's Socrates debate homosexuality with Jerry Falwell.
Here's the link:
http://www.epinions.com/content_2990710916
|
Mar 12 '04
3:29 pm PST
|
|
|
|
