Lord of the Rings Revisited

Mar 18, 2004

The Bottom Line Ever wondered what happened to the characters in Lord of the Rings after the end of the book? All is revealedů

Frodo - eventually he got fed up of all the adulation and became a hermit, occasionally visiting the Elves to hurl abuse at them.

Bilbo - spent all of his time writing stories and poems, which to all appearances delighted the Elves but in reality they hated it and eventually plotted the filling in of his Hobbit Hole – while he was still in it.

Sam - when he eventually retired from the role of Mayor, which he’d held for many years, he went into the movies, at first staring in comedies such as Triplets, and later became an action hero in such classics as The Entenator

Merry - Merry stayed merry for the rest of his life. Mainly due to Shire tobacco and wine. Due to these his merry life was not very long, but it cannot be denied that it was merry.

Pippin - tried hard to be a tough guy but was held back by his silly name, until he decided to change it to “Pipsqueak”. Of course, he perished in a surfeit of embarrassment.

Aragorn - was granted long life by the Valor. Sadly he was senile by the age of 84 so he had a whole century in which to forget who he was and make completely inappropriate comments at important public functions. (Any resemblance to a certain Queen Consort in the British Isles is completely incidental.)

Arwen - after Aragorn’s death, she tarries for a season in Middle Earth but then one day goes on a summer holiday to Valinor - and never comes back. Celeborn the Shipwright is rumoured to have shouted: “So long, SUCKERS!” as he departed with her on the last ship to leave Grey Havens.

Gandalf - found that his fireworks were not well received in Valinor and thus spent all of his time sulking, until he found a new hobby – attaching an Elf to a large firework before setting it off.

Legolas - taught skateboarding to the little Elflings but was accused of being apocryphal and banned from traditional Elfish activities. However, since he found all of them boring anyway he didn’t care. Spent much of his time fending off Elf Maidens who thought he was really hot.

Gimli - got teased for being the shortest and hairiest creature in Valinor (he wasn’t actually much shorter or hairier than Frodo, but no-one dared make fun of a former Ring-Bearer… Eventually, Gimli got so fed up of it that had cosmetic surgery and now looks just like any Elf, though his Dwarvish accent hasn’t completely gone.

Faramir - marries Eowyn and lives happily ever after.

Eowyn - marries Faramir and lives happily ever after. (Innit sweet? :-D)

Treebeard - travels up to the Brandywine, finds an Entwife, has lots of little Entlings, and wishes he’d stayed down in Tanglewood…

Wormtongue - becomes a successful Estate Agent.

Tom Bombadli - got busted by the Narcotics Division and spent the rest of his life in a dungeon.

Goldberry - found Tom’s secret stash and spent the rest of her life finding out why you should say no to drugs.

Gollum - obviously died in the fire of Mount Doom, but his form becomes a popular glove puppet.

Elrond - writes two best-selling books: “Good Parenting” and “When To Let Go2,

I’m still working on Lord of The Things Act V so be patient! Until then, point your magic arrow at one of the mystical blue runes below and click your left mouse button…

Lord of The Things

Act I
Act II
Act III – Part I
Act III – Part II
Act IV

Book Reviews

Lord of the Rings
The Silmarillian
The Hobbit
Bored of the Rings

The Films

The Fellowship of the Rings
The Two Towers
The Return of the King

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