Epins Loses Its Nirav The Day Of The Meet
Mar 21 '04
The Bottom Line "APOLOGIA NIR'VOSA" - An expression from our "Odd Phrase Dictionary" that describes the epinions CEO's debt to every member who sent epinions an R.S.V.P. for the meet.
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***WARNING:***
When somebody "disses" me, it makes me indignant. If any of you readers become indignant when someone blatantly shows you disrespect, you may relate to the less glowing aspects of my mixed review of epins' 4th M&G. I believe in giving credit where it is due. Much credit is due epinions and its staff for their meet-related efforts and performance, and I enthusiastically applaud them. I also believe in discrediting people or institutions who behave or perform in an inexcusable manner. The truth doesn't always come gift-wrapped. If you prefer the rose-colored glasses version of it, this may not be the review for you.
INTRO: MEETING MISSED; GREETERS DISSED
My two wingmen for the Epins Meet; Badkitty and Petra, were so despondent over an incident that occurred at the L.A./Orange County/SoCal Meet & Greet, that they asked me to act as our group (meet & greet review) spokesperson. What could possibly deprive two of epinions' most outspoken members of the will to open up a can of verbal whoop-ass on the source of their dismay? Why would they entrust their mighty pens to the loquacious likes of yours truly, when they both well understand that putting a pen in my irresponsible hands demonstrates about as much common sense and good judgment as leaving a bored, hyperactive toddler in charge of an art supplies store? Maybe the trauma of the occurrence rendered them temporarily speechless. Oh well. My pen's ink still flows; ...in roaring rivers, as you'll soon see. Start sandbagging those levees...
I've divided this review into two parts. In the first part, I describe the events that preceded the meet. In the second part, I discuss the meet itself. Yeah, I know... You're wondering: "Why must you attempt to bore us to death describing anything besides the event itself, 29th?" ...Right? Well, normally, I wouldn't, but in this case, the REAL story lies in the events that occurred prior to the meet. Skipping directly ahead to what happened at the meet, would deprive you of a basis for understanding the significance of events that happened (or more accurately, failed to happen) at said meet. In short, those of us who attended, got played. I think epins has some Nirav for dismissing us the way he did. The other attendees I spoke to, are unanimous in their agreement. As in the case of any spoiled child, Nirav does what he does, outrageous though it may be, because he is not held accountable for his inexcusable behavior. I know this because we spoiled children "know our own kind." I have no compunctions about thanking Nirav for showing Southern California members how little they mean to him.
As always, I limit my use of artistic license wherever possible. Paul (pduval69) graciously posted photographs of the event. You can view them at: http://katandpaul.com/epinionsla. Okay. Let's get on with the music...
~~~~~~ ~~~~~~ PROLOGUE: THE PRE-MEET & GREET FOREPLAY ~~~~~~ ~~~~~~
Like Something The Cat Dragged In
Our saga began when that always-prescient pussycat, badkittym (Marcy), realizing that somewhere between "many" and "most" of her epinions friends attempt to integrate their epins participation with that odd, little daily-ritual thingy they loosely refer to as "a life," foresaw that there wasn't a chance that any of us would stumble over epinions' gracious, if hidden-in-plain-sight, invitation. Thankfully, she picked up the ball where epins dropped it; sent an email to her L.A.-based epinions friends and neighbors advising them of epinions' "invitation" to the subject Meet & Greet.
Perhaps I Struck A Nirav?
Noting that epinions required prospective meet-attendees to R.S.V.P. it's unsent invitation, and eager to establish the mirthful, fun-loving tone of the festive event yet to come, I enthusiastically sent our esteemed Brisbane host the following R.S.V.P.:
~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~
My R.S.V.P. Email (2/25/04):
"Dear Eeps--
Per your announcement requiring members to RSVP for the Orange County Ciao meet, here's my RSVP. I will be attending with two guests. Please be sure that you have plenty of beer because consumerly-helpful Southern Californians are known to consume inordinately vast quantities of the stuff and it would be absolutely tragic if an unexpected bout of sobriety was allowed to abruptly cut short and ruin an otherwise perfectly enjoyable meet.
Please reserve a seat directly between Nirav and Alexis for me, at the table with the Brisbanians and first-tier Consumer Care corps, as I will have various helpfulocity-related matters that require immediate discussion and consideration. My voicebox is delicate and I'm unwilling to endure the stress and larynx-damage it would require for me to compete with the irrepressible Bxxxxx Sxxxxx for the limited time we'll have to discuss my solutions for eeps' various and sundry consumer and member helpfulocity problems.
We who are about to imbibe, salute you! ...And look forward to sharing SCADS of consumerlicious merriness and good cheer.
SCADSliferously Yours,
Jim the 29th_Candidate
P.S. Uncle Sordy sends his most helpfulicious regards."
~~~~~~ ~~~~~~ Getting The Word Out Via GROINPUNCHER.COM's BBoard ~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~
Both, haunted by the ghastly specter of a second, 4-member Meet & Greet attendance tally, and inspired by Marcy's 1-feline "get the word out" effort, I attempted to augment her email campaign with my own grass roots-based, Meet & Greet public relations promotion. To compensate for epins' inexplicable unwillingness to ensure a robust and thriving Meet & Greet attendance head-count by mass emailing a Meet & Greet notice, I would need a solid networking resource. [*Shameless Plug Alert*] I surfed my way over to the notorious, Sordid-1 and Aggiebrett-hosted GROINPUNCHER.COM b-board; ...the WWW's membership-unrestricted crossroads of censorship-uncompromised intellectual communication, a sanctuary for the political correctness-oppressed, a mecca of mensa-level free idea-exchange/scintillating debate, not to mention the cyber-haven of a veritable rogue's gallery of epins' current and former best and brightest. Surely I'd be able to fill a few empty Meet & Greet seats by spreading the gospel of the coming of our Niravior, here. [http://www.groinpuncher.com] See discussion thread, "Regarding Eeps' "Los Angeles" (Orange County) Meet." and accompanying poll, "Anybody Here Going To Eeps' La-La Land Meet?" if you're interested.
NIR-AL NETWORKING WITH OTHER NIR-O-TRANSMITTERS
Yes, there was much I would do to ensure that our once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to meet epinions' distinguished commander-in-chief and founding Brisbanian in the cyberspace-unchallenged flesh, would go off without a "not enough event-interest shown" cancellation, oh my epins brothas and sistuhs. The tingly waves of giddy anticipation that would radiate through my extremities every time I contemplated the prospect of shaking hands, rubbing elbows and exchanging helpfulosity war stories with epinions' preeminent product-info provider, had singlehandedly transformed your once-listless and ambivalence-addled Nir-rator into galvanized-enthusiasm's own good will ambassador.
In the 2 to 3 weeks leading up to the meet, Nirav-fever spread through the Groinpuncher posting population like a SCADS epidemic at a Helpfulosity Convention. Everybody had begun to form his/her own private fantasy about what it was going to be like meeting the Biz-Brain of Brisbane; ...the SCADfather, ...the Viscount of Consumer Discount, ...the Maven of Money-Savin', the Prince of Product-Info, ...I'm talkin' about the man who put the pinions in epinions; Nirav Tolia. Nobody was immune! Even members who lived so far away from the designated meet site that attending the meet was not a feasible option (well, aside from the Los Angeles-based members who overlooked that fact and attended the meet anyway) wanted a piece of the action. Among the members of this last group were Sordid-1 and Aggiebreast, who were interested in exploiting the epi-chief's seemingly limitless popularity to introduce people to Groinpuncher.com.
Sordy was thinking of having some "Groinpuncher" shirts specially made up and shipped out to Los Angeles, in hopes of having Nirav model one for a few photos. Understandably, Ken and Brett were Niravous. They didn't want to invest the considerable time, effort and expense if there was any possibility Nirav wouldn't oblige him. I promised Ken that Nirav would be wearing one of these Groinpuncher shirts in the photos if I had to wrestle him down, hogtie'im and stretch it over his manly torso myself. Pleased with my response, Ken said he'd speak to Brett about it. When I didn't hear back from Ken, I'd assumed it was just another good idea gone sour, but this was not the case. Ken and Brett actually DID go to the trouble of having them made up. They then shipped them out to Marcy, who they knew was driving me to the meet. Way to go guys.
SO NIR, YET SO FAR
The day before the meet, epinions sent all prospective attendees an email requesting that they make an effort to arrive at the meet on time. (Jeezzz! You drag us over 2 hours south to Orange County for a Los Angeles meet and then have the cajones to urge us to be on time? You certainly have MY admiration.) The email inadvertently reassured us by what its content DIDN'T say. It made no mention of any foul-ups, SNAFUs, cancellations or Epins staff non-appearances. All systems appeared "go." The sole remaining chore Marcy, Petra and I had before us was to make the grueling, bumper-to-bumper, 2 hours plus drive to the city of Orange, in Orange County; the Buster & Dave's meet location. Yuck. Very well. If this was the only obstacle that separated the three of us from partaking of the glorious fellowship of our beloved SCADSmeister, Nirav, we would not give the agonizing drive another thought! --We were on our way!
~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~ PART 2: THE MEETING & GREETING ~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~
EPINS LOSES ITS NIRAV THE DAY OF THE MEET
I saw at epins' meet event
A CEO who never went
He didn't show for all to see
Next time I go, you won't see me.
THE 1ST PERSON WHO SAYS, "I TOLIA SO" GETS GROINPUNCHED!
Marcy, Petra and I ended up arriving late due to circumstances far outside our sphere of influence. If the early American pioneers had been forced to undergo even a fraction of the hardships and inconveniences the vindictive Travel Gods threw at us as we inched our way Orange-wards, I daresay achieving our Nirav-quest would have required that we follow the Mississippi River south instead of the Pacific Ocean.
When we arrived at Dave & Buster's, our fellow eepsters had already arrived and were either seated or milling about. We immediately recognized Nirav disciples, Alexis, Garrett and Sarah from photos taken at the previous meets. There were two faces I didn't recognize. They belonged to Paul (whose last name eludes me), a representative of Dealtime, and Christal (from Customer Care). To simply say these Brisbane expatriates were warm, gracious, charming, accommodating and courteous, would be grossly understating my/our extremely pleasant experience of them. This surpassingly positive impression was amplified exponentially when I considered what a relentless thorn in the bottom my presence at epinions has represented, both to all of them collectively, and to each one of them individually. We exchanged greetings, but before I could ask where I might find Nirav, I found myself being enthusiastically greeted by epins picnic pals, Arthur.Rubin, Opalman and LLfigment. After that, I attempted again to inquire about Nirav, but this time it was Snakeyez and pduval69 introducing themselves and a waitress asking me if I'd like a drink (a real one). After I placed my order, I felt Badkittym tap me on the shoulder:
BADKITTYM: (Grimly) "Jim, he's not here. Nirav flaked."
ME: (Incredulously) "No... You're playin' with me, right? I refuse to believe it. He wouldn't no-show his own meet; he couldn't-- he's the host!
PETRA: "It's true. He blew us off."
BADKITTYM: "It's the ultimate diss."
As I attempted to process this horrifying information, Alexis worked her way over to where the three of us stood glumly staring at each other.
ME: "Alexis? Will you please confirm the news my ears continue to refuse to accept; ...that Nirav has opted not to come to the meet & greet?"
ALEXIS: "I'm afraid it's true, Jim."
ME: "Was he suddenly stricken with Smallpox this morning? Anthrax spores? ...A death in the immediate family, perhaps?"
ALEXIS: "Uhhhhmmm, well... He was very tired... He'd been working SO hard lately."
ME: "I see." (To Marcy and Petra) "Wow. You guys were right; he blew us off... He DELIBERATELY dissed us. (In genuine awe) Amazing... I've never known anyone in business so hell-bent on torpedoing his own image; he absolutely must abhor maintaining positive public relations."
PETRA: (Staring off into space) "He blew us off."
BADKITTYM: (With vacant eyes) "It's the ultimate diss."
Noting a distinctive pall on the atmosphere, I resigned myself to the fact that it would be on our shoulders to keep the meet from collapsing... T'hell with Nirav! Who needed him anyway? Eeps able and entertaining staff members were more than on their game. Besides, my drinks had just arrived and I was thirsty. Alexis was charming the pants off me, so I gave her the Groinpuncher shirt we brought for Nirav, I put my GP shirt on and we posed for some steamy pics together. She introduced me to the (until that moment) much-feared and vaunted "ice-woman" of Consumer Care; Christal. This unassuming and gregarious smiley-head was entirely too engaging to be the fabled Fraulein of Frostbite; the frozen female feared for fiercely flogging, ferociously flaying then fatally flinging her flakey foreman's flailing foes from the epi-fortress battlements. Sarah popped in to give me some dish on my Nirav-favored brother. I was being hit with charm from all sides. The Badcat was chatting it up with Snakeyez and pduval69, and I had lost track of Petra's whereabouts.
A few more drinks, more chatting with Alexis and various other eeps members and staff; Garrett, Suzer, Penguinlady, viper1963, Waynio, Lynus, pduval69, Snakeyez and Criteeker are names that come to mind, and the meet was over too quickly. Such excellent company! We would spend more time in transit to and from the meet, than we would meeting and greeting. Wasn't there someone who blew off the meet? I can't seem to remember...
~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~
THE MUNDANE FACTS/STATS THAT EVERYONE (BESIDES ME) SEEMS TO LIKE:
The Unofficial (Member/Staff) Guest List:
The following is a compilation of the member and staff attendees of the Los Angeles/SoCal Meet & Greet. It does not include non-member guests. At the meet, I was told that 25 members/staff attended, but someone is bound to have been missed (this doesn't include Nirav because I found out after the event ended that he was not missed, if you catch my drift.) If I've missed anybody, please let me know and I'll update the list.
1) Opalman
2) LLfigment (Opalman's wife)
3) Arthur.rubin
4) Snakeyez
5) Criteeker
6) Waynio
7) Suzer
8) viper1963
10) divad23
11) daviddennis
12) adriennefoster
13) lynus
14) pduval69
15) miss_gee
16) sdeinhorn
17) Penguinlady
18) Petra
19) badkittym
20) 29th_Candidate
21) Alexis Johnson
22) Christal
23) Garrett
24) Sarah
25) Paul
The Unofficial (Member/Staff) "I Had Better [Things To Do/People To See/Places To Go] With My Precious Time," No-show List:
1) Meet & Greet Host and Sponsor, Nirav Tolia
Furthest Geographic Location From Which An Epinions Member Traveled To Meet & Greet Nirav Tolia And Attend The Event:
Fresno, California.
Yes, one couple, members Lynus and miss_gee, drove all the way down from Fresno, California; a distance of over 500 miles (round trip). The round-trip drive from Fresno to Orange, depending on traffic conditions, driving speed, gas/rest stops, etc., takes anywhere from 10 to 14 hours (round trip).
Furthest Geographic Location From Which An Epinions Staff Member/Event Host Neglected To Travel To Attend The Meet & Greet Event:
San Francisco
Event host and epinions CEO, Nirav Tolia, opted against taking the (approx.) 1 hour long flight from SFO to John Wayne Airport to attend the event he himself sponsored for purposes of "meeting & greeting" his loyal member-contributors.
• WHY "GROINPUNCHER?" --The Groinpuncher bboard derived it's lovely name from an imaginary contraption that former eeps member, Mike Davis (Sloucho) facetiously awarded to Nirav as a "thank you" gift. For a hysterical read, check out Mike's review entitled: "DEAR NIRAV,."
"THE GOOD, THE BAD & THE UGLY" OF THE SO-CAL MEET & GREET:
THE GOOD...
• Alexis Johnson's firm assurances that she and I would maintain a closer friendship than the one she currently maintains with gracef. (To purchase official copies of the signed and notarized AMCJohnson-29th Alliance/Friendship/SexBuddy Pact, SASE with a money order or bank check in the amount of $25, or $10 for a copy of the pact's "Closer Friendship Than Gracef" Clause. Offer good while supplies last.)
• Discovering "Christal-Light"
• All of Epins' Stalwart Staff members
• The open bar
• Epinions' generosity. Eeps could have "nickle and dimed it" on the meet perks, but opted not to do so. (E.g., the meet notice stated that there would be " . . .a beer, wine, and soda bar," when in fact, eeps sprung for the whole enchilada; all the hard stuff an Irishman could pour down. I tried to reciprocate the gesture by not taking advantage of the... awww hell, that's pure B.S.. Okay, maybe I did try to take advantage of the situation, but damnnn... I was so-o-o well-behaved. No really... Ask Alexis and Christal. I don't think I've ever been that well-behaved in a social setting before. That counts for something; right?)
• The food spread. Aside from the chips and salsa, I couldn't quite make out what the other hors d'oeuvres were (and by golly, I DID make a study of them), but I didn't see any of the members with half-empty plates in front of them, suddenly make bathroom-dashes, keel over or croak. Nonetheless (from what I've read) Salmonella and Ptomaine usually take an hour or so before you feel them start to punch-out your guts from the inside, so we'll have to wait a few days before a final food assessment can be rendered. On the bright side, we would have been able to tell immediately if any of the food offerings had been tainted by Botchulism.
• The open bar
• The epins staff's enthusiasm, courtesy, devoted efforts, accommodating attitude, gregariousness and generosity of spirit
• A complimentary Epinions beach towel
• Little Epinions symbol dolls, for those who wanted them
• "Power" (unlimited free game-providing) cards
• The open bar
THE BAD...
• I was the only person suckin' down the free booze (Hmmmm... Mebbe that belongs in the "Good" or the "Ugly" column?
THE UGLY...
• The 2-plus hour trek down to the city of Orange
• The other previously-noted ugliness is not worth dishonoring the warm and worthy efforts of the other staff members by mentioning here.
• The city of Orange really IS orange... and not the lush, tropical, citrus fruit kind, either.
ASSORTED PERSONAL IMPRESSIONS:
• Alexis and Christal were both extremely charming and entertaining. If they and I didn't already have plans for that night, I would surely have gone out of my way to lure them out for a night of drunken clubbing and debauchery. I would have gotten Sarah out too, but my brother used up our family's one "Get Out Of Jail Free" card, when, in a drunken flurry of swing-dancing with her, he lost his grip on her hip during a power-dip.
• I got the vaguest impression Alexis, Christal and Sarah were surprised to discover I wasn't a two-headed, fire-breathing monster. Garrett may still think I am. I suspect he may have taken my cheeky R.S.V.P email more seriously than it was intended.
• Is it my "long-haired, hippy-type, pinko, fag" coif (I forget the song from which I stole the quoted reference), my aura of immaturity, the general lack of confidence I inspire in peops, or a combination of all three, that draws those alarmingly inevitable, wrinkled-up nose "you've REALLY run for Congress?" inquiries? ...Anybody?
• Though it was against my better judgment, I (as a gesture of good will) eventually caved in to Alexis' repeated demands that I pose with her for a series of very graphic, simulated-sex shots she planned on using as the background images for some promotional epinions greeting cards she intended to pitch to Nirav.
• There's still time to take advantage of advanced order discounts for the upcoming pics of the love-children Alexis, Christal and I pump out when the three of us shack up as a couple in the months to come.
• The epi-staff members were very good sports about my (mostly tongue-in-cheek) pointed questions and commentary regarding a number of epinions-related items from "the rigged 'new' system" to "N's decision rip the guts out of the W.O.T., leaving it a worthless vestige of its former self." I wish I had had more time to follow up on the responses they provided.
"Shockingly Up-Stood On A Meet & Greeting"
[With Apologies To Robert Frost]
Whose meet this is I think I know.
Its Nirav's, but he failed to show.
He will not see me sobbing here
With other peops he "off" did "blow"
Ro-heb-li-us must think it queer
To watch me bawl while chuggin' beer
Did someone die? Did Frisco quake?
Much worse-- N skipped! ...He won't appear!
I give Alexis-J a shake
To ask if there is some mistake;
The only other sound's the weep
Of members dissed by Nirav's flake.
Eeps' shepherd yet may lose his sheep.
Because he blows them off for sleep,
And "as ye sew, so shall ye reap,"
And "as ye sew, so shall ye reap."
~~~~~ ~~~~~*** EXTRA CREDIT READING ASSIGNMENT: *** ~~~~~ ~~~~~
SOME CONSTRUCTIVE SUGGESTIONS:
The more I considered how I and many others would never have become aware of the L.A. M & G, had we not received Marcy's (above-cited) email, the more that 1st Meet's diminutive 4-member attendance total began to seem like a capacity crowd. Can anyone please tell me WHY epinions would go to all the trouble of organizing an event, then do everything in its power to make sure it remains top secret? Sending emails is still free, isn't it? Assuming so, what rationale, if any, underlies epins' inexplicable unwillingness to mass email a simple, one-shot Meet & Greet notice? It doesn't think twice about sending out daily review notices. Does it fear members might respond by copping an "I wouldn't want to be an invitee of a meet that would have me" attitude? If you want to meet & greet members, send them an email telling them so. That IS why you hold Meet & Greet events, isn't it? If I'm missing something here, please speak up. (That means YOU too, Alexis, Christal and/or Sarah. We'z all best-buds now, so I expect to be hearin' from you.)
Nirav ol' sport, you weren't sick on the day of your meet event. Nor were you called away for some emergency. Nor did you have some other compelling or even just important reason for skipping out on the meet. You just "didn't feel like going." As if this wasn't bad enough, you didn't even have the decency to "R.S.V.P." your decision not to appear, to the people who so very considerately took the time and made the effort to R.S.V.P. you to say that they WERE going. Does not the host of an event owe at least the same, if not greater consideration to his guests, than they owe him? You felt a little tired, well that's just too damn bad, isn't it! Perhaps you might have taken that possibility into consideration a month before, when you took it upon yourself to host the event; before the members like lynus and miss_gee, who drove over 500 miles to see you, wasted their time, money and effort because you flaked, or do you believe they are beneath your consideration? Your actions have already answered the question. The very least you might have done, is email those members a one or two-line apology, but I may be presuming too much here (i.e., that you have any remorse about it to begin with). You may have felt justified in blowing me off, but there are 22 other members who R.S.V.P.'d and thus to whom you owed the benefit of your 3-hour appearance. Show at least the same respect for, and devotion to, your member-contributors as they show you, and you might still HAVE member-contributors in the years to come. Proper protocol dictates that you begin with a written/emailed apology for your disgraceful "member-diss." They may not have written about it, as I have, but the implications of your inexcusable gesture were not lost on them.
Belated Happy St. Patrick's Day.
~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~~
TOWARDS MORE UPLIFTING READING...
There are some meet & greeters out there in epinsland who are better sports than I. They were kind enough to write reviews of the M&G experience that are much less vinegary and longwinded than this 'un. I read them and highly recommend them (listed in order of date posted):
Criteeker's "My First Meet & Greet - what a bunch a great people!" talks about the experience from an up-and-comer's perception.
"The O.C.M.G.," by Lynus, tackles the reporting from a long distance traveler's perspective.
"Fun, Games and Beach Towels at the Epinions (somewhere near L.A.) Meet-and-Greet!," by pduval69, spins the meet experience from a "meet the members" viewpoint.
Suzer's review: "Ahhh, Finally- The LA, Oops, The So. Calif. Meet And Greet," addresses the Meet & Greet from a Suzer's-eye view.
TFR,
--29th
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Epinions.com ID:
29th_Candidate
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 - Top 1000 |
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Member: Jim Scileppi
Location: The 29th Congressional District, CA
Reviews written: 67
Trusted by: 516 members
About Me:
Consume THIS...
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