Why I Hate James Bond FilmsApr 01 '04 Write an essay on this topic.
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You all know James Bond, right? Timothy Dalton, Roger Moore, Pierce Brosnin and all the others if there were. You all love his movies like cake, don't ya? The James Bond villians act like they don't want to kill James Bond, and what is their mission? To kill James Bond! In just about every Bond movie, the bad guys capture James, tie him up to a chair, point a gun to his head, threaten to pull the trigger for 10 minutes, talk to him about how much Bond sucks now, and the bad guy will tell Bond that his wife can score good, and then both Bond and the villian will talk for another 15 minutes that the villians wife is good in bed. And you know what? This gives time for Bond's hero to come in, save the day for Bond, and Bond ends up finding a way to escape and the bad guys smack themselve's in the face later on, wondering how Bond escaped so quickly! I mean...dumbass...YOU HAD THE GUN POINTED TO HIS HEAD! YOU HAD YOUR CHANCE TO KILL HIM, BUT WHAT DO YOU DO? YOU WAIT FOR THE GOOD GUY TO COME AND SAVE THE DAY, WHAT HAS THIS WORLD COME TO? Below is a typical James Bond scene. You can see this in almost all of his moviesm within the exeption of a few. Scene: James Bond is tied up in a chair after being captured by Jaws and Oddjob. Oddjob is a little dinky dude with a hat, Jaws is a huge mother F-er with a white hat. In the background are 10 dudes looking pretty badass in tuxedo's who know martial arts, and some dude has a gun pointed to James' head. James' is helpless now. Jaws: Well, James, I got you know! Ha! Can you escape? I am going to enjoy this, do you have any last words before I kill ya? James Bond: I have got your wife last night...she was good. Jaws: Make this quick James, I really want you dead! Now, come on, say your last words! James Bond: ABCDEFG... Jaws: HIJKLMNOP! 10 minutes later.. Jaws: In 12th grade I had a girlfriend named Sarah, and she was NEVER that orientated in bed like my wife is, I don't blame you for sleeping with her, James, tell me, do you swing? James Bond: You kidding? I put the GER in Swinger, baby! Jaws: Hell yeah, well, I apologize, but your time has come, goodbye Mr. Bond! *Jaws puts his finger on the trigger...but hesitates* Jaws: I hope you slept well last night...because that is the last time you'll ever see a counterfit model naked! Scene: Suddenly, a bunch of good guy hero's bust threw the window, and kick the everlasting sh*t out of the ninja dudes in tuxedo's, and throw Oddjob out of the window, and Jaws, being the jackass he is, finally realizes he is screwed. Jaws: NOOOO! RATS, TOO LATE, JUST IN THE NICK OF TIME, THE GOOD GUYS SHOW UP! Scene: The good guys untie James, and James is back on his feet, and Jaws regrets it all, and gets thrown out of a helicopter 30 minutes later into an ocean of Jellyfish and playful walrus's, which played with him alllll niiiiight looooong! Now that is a typical James Bond scene, the bad guy has Bond tied in a chair, and they are about to kick Bond's a**....but noo...they have to talk to him first, get to know James Bond really well, and then decide to blow his brains out when Bond's sidekick shows up. Does that make sense? Now, here is a typical scene from Goldeneye, the most stupidest thing that Trevelyan has done. Scene: James Bond and his new counterfit model Natalya are tied down in the front seat of a helicopter. They cannot budge, but James can move his head freely. Suddenly, Alec's voice comes on through a walky-talky, telling James he has 3 minutes or so to escape, the same 3 minutes James gave him. And whaddya know....the bomb detinator is right next to James' head, about 6 or 7 feet away from him. Oh man...I am starting to worry, what if he doesnt make it? What if they both explode? Will they be alright? Will they survive? Die? OK, and obviously, just in the knick of time, James' headbutts the detinator, and they both eject and fly out of the chopper before it explodes. Yeah, if Alec hates him so much, why did he set the timer for 3 minutes? Why didn't he set it for 10 seconds and just say "Good night, James"? I don't understand. Hell, if Barney was in the drivers seat, he would have blown his brains out, but no, Alec really loves James...and he would never EVER blow up his best buddy no matter how p!ssed he is, and even though in the end where he tries to blow his brains out...he still wont do it. And you know what else? The helicopter had room in the back..why didn't Alec throw him back there? Gee, maybe he was thinking with his genitals. That brings me to something else. During the end, Alec had a perfectly nice rifle in his hands, with James standing 6 feet away from him...with his hands up. Alec has the rifle loaded...ready to shoot, pointed at James' head, and what does he do? HE STARTS SOCIALIZING! I mean, weren't they just kicking the sh!t out of each other, saying that they will kill each other, and now what happenes? A BULLY IN TEARS! And like the usual case, Alec taunts James, and James somehow does the barrel role on the ground, and escapes the gun shots cause Alec is so dumb-sh!tted and drunk, that he misses James' rolling on the floor. Gee, I wonder how hard it was to shoot him. Just pull the trigger, a** munch. That is all for now, I am sure I'll write more in the future, but I wanted to make it short and sweet, with spelling mistakes, so there. Until then, keep watching Bond films and when you get the chance to blow someones brains out that you are really p!ssed at...ask how good their wife is in bed!  |
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