Things to do if you dare? Slam down five S.O.B's in five minutes or less...
Written: Jul 27 '07 (Updated Nov 17 '08)
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Product Rating:
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Pros: Serious and funny ideas of things to have fun safely when there's time to waste
Cons: Too much to add here with this pesky fifteen word maximum, cons added to review
The Bottom Line: A great list of things to do when you have time to waste, with a bonus of warning skulls on how dangerous each entry would be if attempted
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| ladycynic's Full Review: Ben Malisow - 1001 Things to Do If You Dare |
Slam down five S.O.B's in five minutes or less you ask yourself? Well now, an S.O.B is the name of a real hardcore shooter, an alcoholic Beverage...I’ll add the recipe for this later, although please don’t ignore My warning on this one.
1001 THINGS TO DO IF YOU DARE was put together by ben masilow, SLOW here on Epinions. Although SLOW is a friend of mine, he has assured LadyCynic, that I can give My completely honest and unbiased opinion of his book...as well as smack the hell outta the dang thing if I need to, without any repercussions regarding our friendship. Um...let's just hope he meant that 'cause I do have a couple a not so flattering issues here in My personal opinion.
As some of you should know, LadyCynic was a career bartender for fifteen years. I’ve only written one other book review here for another friend, SMITHSWOODSIDE, and dang it...was unable to show My expertise in My own Gourmet Spirits category in his review. Anyways, one of the many flattering issues I truly love, is that ben malisow's book has given Me the opportunity to add not only My expert criticism on a couple of his alcohol references...but a drink recipe as well. He's one hell of a good friend to do this for LadyCynic isn't he? Um...you did do this just for Me didn't ya SLOW, or has that alternate reality thingy kicked in again?
Ah well, let's just get that pesky requirement of writing the actual review first over with...then get on with the really good stuff shall we...
The Cover: At first glance, the cover reminds Me of one of those black and yellow books for Dummies. You know what I mean, for example; something like “Windows XP for Dummies”, that sort of thing. Only about half the size, and paper back of course. The front cover has very large letters for the title, and at the bottom is a box which has one skull and crossbones on the left side. Since I’ll be referring to them often in this review, I’ll just call them “skulls”, which he explains in his introduction as his rating system for each entry...the more skulls next to the entry, the more dangerous the entry is. Now, back to the box on the front cover...quote; (one skull) Warning: The contents of this publication might trigger an unbelievable urge to attempt the unimaginable. Approach the enclosed written word with extreme caution. The back cover has the same look as the book for dummies. The top half has a short preview, a short explanation about the checkboxes next to each entry telling Me that I can basically check off each of the things I’ve actually done in this list he has, and yes...this book is truly a list of things to do if you dare, exactly as the title suggests. For Me this is an awesome set up, but I’m getting’ ahead of myself here dang it...now where was I?...oh yeah, the back cover; in the middle is another box.
Quote; (one skull) SO GO AHEAD, TAKE THE LEAP...IF YOU DARE.
The bottom half has a small photo of ben masilow himself, although it certainly doesn’t do him justice. He’s a whole lot better lookin’ than he is in this photo...
Disclaimer: I believe he did this on purpose to avoid any stalkers, I’m sure he still has that hot GQ look about him he had, in that drop dead gorgeous pic of him in his NASCAR outfit. Oh, and of course My dear SLOW...you certainly have no worries about your friend LadyCynic here. As I’m fairly certain you’ve seen the pics on My profile page of My leather lovin’, Long haired, tattooed tough guy biker LordCynic. My taste is definitely of a different type; however...eye candy of your type is always nice to have lustful thoughts about. So, no stalking worries here My sweet...just so you know... (Drooling Quietly)
...anyway, next to his photo is a short bio of some of the things ben masilow has done which are in this list from his book, and are amazing to say the least. It’s definitely hard to believe he’s lived through some of these things, but I do like the fact that he’s added them here. This addition is telling Me that he is more than qualified to write and publish this type of book; it makes it much more believable that this book is not completely fiction.
Alrighty then, let's get to the deeper into the description shall we...HA!
The Smell: I get a very thick cardboard scent, which given time...will most likely reek up your bookshelf if left untouched for too long. Kinda like a cardboard box left in a closet for a while. It could even get those clear mite bug thingy’s we love to see so much crawling through it. That is, if you leave it sittin’ there too long without some sort of pansy deodorizer bug killin’ protection...um...not like I’ve ever used that kinda stuff before...no...Really!
The Taste: Okay, lemme rip a piece of the cover off here...dang, this thing is hard to rip...okay, got it...whew, it’s definitely tough to chew, good thing I got sharp teeth (yeah, I may be an old Lady, but these are My own teeth, they ARE sharp, and LadyCynic will bite if she needs to in a tough situation...um...just so you know...smile!). Anyways, I’m getting the flavor of thick cardboard here...(blech). Reminds Me of that time I was in a hurry to get into that new PC game I got in the mail. I couldn’t find scissors or even a knife quick enough, so I chewed open the cardboard box with My teeth to get it open...just like all hardcore gamers have done occasional in that situation...um...or is that just Me?
Oh-Kay...the pages? I ain’t even gonna try and taste the paper inside this book. Almost every page looks like someone stepped on them with dirty sneakers, there are sneaker prints everywhere. Also, there’s way too many drops of liquid on these pages, which could be pretty nasty stuff, as well as round marks which looks as if he set a sweating glass of that liquid down on quite a few of these pages...(YUCK)
Non-Disclaimer; Hell yeah I tasted this book!! I mean c’mon, it’s not like I have a personally autographed copy here, that My supposedly good friend SLOW sent to Me. Not only did he not even have the decency to tell me he published this book, I accidentally came across a Review of it here written by one of My old friends hadassahchana...But I actually had to PAY for this dang thing so I could review it. So, that being said...I had every right to mutilate this one...Muhahahahahaha... (Cough, hack, and as usual...SPIT!!)
As with Peter’s book, again...I wouldn’t recommend eating this book. Although the cover would definitely provide you with quite a bit of fiber in your diet this time, after completely reading, and looking through the pages of ben masilow’s book, as well as knowing SLOW as I do...LadyCynic gets an odd feeling that those drops of liquid on the pages could possibly be dangerous to your health or even...(cough)...Deathly!
Alrighty then...
The Content: 1001 Things To Do If You Dare is over 293 pages of an interesting, funny, thought provoking and even somewhat educational, honest to goodness list of things to do...
The Book itself; is truly a list of 1001 things to do if you get bored with your day to day life. He numbers each thing, adds a small box next to the number so you can check off anything you’ve either done in the past, or done since he gave you the idea to try it. Each entry in his list has the “skulls”. There’s the entry itself, then underneath are the number of “skulls” telling you how safe or dangerous it is, then underneath the “skulls...he explains the entry in more detail, and quite a few have his opinion of the entry as well...which most of these opinions are either extremely interesting or downright funny. On a few occasions while reading ben masilow’s book, a couple of those funny opinions of his actually made LadyCynic here laugh out loud...not an easy task to accomplish I assure you!
Okay, the table of contents; it has a rather odd setup. However, what I really like about this setup is that although he’s only put in two chapters...he’s given Me the basic content of each sub-chapter, as well as the page number. This let’s Me go straight to which ever sub-chapter that I may be interested in, without having to scan the entire book looking through things that could bore the hell outta Me.
Foreword iv; written by, Quote; Troy Hartman, winner of the 1997 X-Games, host of MTV’s Senseless Acts of Video, and aerial stuntman. In this one and a half page statement, Troy Hartman is basically giving a short review of ben masilow’s book, which is extremely complimentary.
Acknowledgments vi; This is also a little over one and a half pages written by ben masilow, telling us about several folks who helped him add quite a few things to his list in this book. He’s admitting here, that he didn’t write this entire book by himself. Personally, I was very impressed to see that he added kudos like this for the folks who helped him, and that he made sure they received this attention for their help.
Introduction viii; which I explained in part earlier in this review. The first paragraph explains his “Skull” rating system, I’ll quote again here due to the fact that he explains this better than I could dang it.
Quote; The number of skulls (one skull) following the activities listed in this book denotes the author’s estimation of difficulty/insanity/stupidity of that particular item----1 for things your grandmother could probably accomplish, 5 for things that are just ludicrously dangerous and inane.
I won’t add more of the Introduction here because it’s actually, although a bit short, a very interesting read. So, if you do pick up his book...make sure to read through it, I believe you’ll enjoy it as much as I did.
I know this will make My review here longer, but I’m adding one or two quotes from each sub-chapter to give you a better look at what he’s added in his list of daring things to do. Of course these are LadyCynic’s favorite things, and on the most part...I’ve pretty much done them myself. Not all of them, however, some of these were just so funny I had to put them here so you can see just how much I really enjoyed this book. So dang it, just get his book and read the rest of ben masilow’s incredibly odd and sometimes totally strange witless stuff...
Part 1 ~ public things...
Speed, Height, Depth, and
Motion Things 2
~Examples;
Quote; #65. Change a tire.
(One Skull)
You may find yourself enjoying a strangely disproportionate amount of satisfaction, as if you’d accomplished the modern equivalent of fording a river in an ox-drawn cart. Get over yourself.
Quote; #94. Jump through a window.
(Five Skulls)
Did you not understand the word suicidal?
Athletic Things 28
With this sub-chapter, he adds a paragraph explaining very intelligently, at least to Me anyway, that this is mainly about pushing your own body...a must read if your interested in this sub-chapter.
Then he adds a sub-title Individual Things which tells you...
Quote; There is something liberating about doing something challenging without a lot of other people standing around, waiting for you to screw up. Of course, the flip side is that there is nobody rooting for you, and encouragement can also give you that extra edge to accomplish something.
This addition I really like, he’s telling Me the best of both worlds if I attempt this part of his list alone, or with friends watching Me try them.
~Example;
Quote; #122. Climb a mountain
(One Skull)
“Because it’s there,” ranks up there with the World’s Stupidest Reasons, along with “Because I said so,” and “It’s the right thing to do.” But some of us still get berated into doing things like this (and this thing, in particular), even knowing how inane it is.
Group Things 87
~Example;
Quote; #316. Participate in building a human pyramid.
(One Skull)
Well, duh-----obviously, it’s better to be as close to the top as possible. Of course, then you have farther to fall....
Social Things 93
~Examples;
Quote; #330. Write a letter of complaint
(One Skull)
A company or person provided you with shoddy service, a bad product, or just out-and-out screwed you. Let them know how you feel. You’d be surprised how far a letter can go toward satisfying you.
Quote; #390. Reproduce
(Five Skulls)
Okay, it doesn’t seem like a big accomplishment, since pretty Much everyone in history has done it (which is what gives us history, of course), but when you take into account everything that could go wrong, the cost involved, the duration of the obligation, the loss of sleep, and other tradeoffs, this is a grueling, ugly, expensive, hazard-prone activity. If done properly.
LadyCynic simply had to add #390 here...sadly, My experience, after having five daughters and raising three to adulthood as I’ve stated above...(sigh)...ben masilow is right on target with this one. Although I must say, that he should have added many more Skulls to this entry. I’m sure there are quite a few of you parents out there who agree with that one...dang!!!
Financial Things 138
~Examples;
Quote; #477. Gamble in Holland.
(One Skull)
For a country that has taken the pleasures of sex, drugs, and rock ‘n’ roll to a high art, they pretty much suck at hosting gambling. Which is really okay; if you’ve got sex, drugs, and rock ‘n’ roll, what need is there for gambling?
Quote; #523. Invest in foreign currency.
(Five Skulls)
Okay, get this: you’re betting that the price of your money is going to be better (lower or higher, depending on your trade) than some other country’s money. Now, how silly is that? Why not just try honest gambling?
Political Things 158
~Example;
Quote; #534. Sign a petition allowing someone to run
for public office, even though you would never want them elected, would never vote for them, and find their politics personally distasteful.
(One Skull)
This is what democracy is all about-----a public forum for differing opinions, where anyone can stand up and be considered for the mantle of public office, even if that individual believes that tiny people living in the hood ornament of his car told him that the static between channels on his television set is a mind control device created by the ancient Mayans.
Artistic Things 161
~Examples;
Quote; #623. Attempt satire.
(Three Skulls)
Sure, it looks easy-----even seeming idiots pull it off, time and again. What many folks don’t realize is that those apparent idiots are actually extremely talented individuals, even using simplistic mechanisms to deliver clever humor. Try it one time and see: you’ll be amazed how many people don’t get the joke-----and the joke, like all things, will be dead after the autopsy, if it hasn’t expired before it.
LadyCynic’s note: SLOW added #623 just for his own ego downer...no...really! (smirk...actually, most likely just for My personal ego downer...HA!)
Quote; #624. Read a sample of someone else’s writing.
(Three Skulls)
There are very few people who can put together ideas in a coherent manner, using the written word. There are, unfortunately, many, many, many more who think they can.
Travel Things 189
~Example;
Quote; #700. Drive a car in Great Britain.
(Five Skulls)
Pure, unadulterated misery. If you can’t make it over to England, or get there and can’t find a car, punch holes in your body with an awl, and will approximate the same sensation.
Nature Things 209
~Example;
Quote; #752. Kill the last remaining member of a species.
(Five Skulls)
It might taste good.
Superstitious Things 221
~Example;
Quote; #761. Debunk an urban legend.
(One Skull)
You’ve got that friend/family member/dipsh-i-tcoworker/acquaintance-----you know the one. The one who keeps forwarding you stupid crap they’ve received via e-mail. GO surf over to www.snopes.com and find the page outlining how this particular stupidity is ridiculous. Copy and paste the link, and send it back. If he or she was churlish enough to include every recipient’s e-mail address, use Reply to All, and let everyone know how goofy the sender is. Hopefully, a little public humiliation will quell the e-mailer’s desire to continue the practice.
Part 2 ~ private things
Miscellaneous Things 228
~Example;
Quote; #806. Look down the barrel of a loaded gun.
(Five Skulls)
I made the mistake, one time, of coming home from work early and surprising a roommate who had been wakened by a noise and knew where I kept my pistol. There’s a moment I will always remember ... and a new lesson: call first before entering anyone’s living space. I think that’s a worthwhile lesson.
Relationship Things 239
~Example;
Quote; #822. Get divorced.
(Five Skulls)
Look, make it easy on yourself: Drink a bunch of drain cleaner, stick a large magnum handgun in your mouth, then slip a plastic bag over your head and tie it off with a nylon noose. There’s no reason to even mess around with this one-----pure suicide. Did you know some people do this more than once? They never survive though.
Dating Things 243
~Examples;
Quote; #840. Be stalked.
(Three Skulls)
There is nothing quite as flattering as having your very own stalker. Of course, there’s nothing quite as spooky either. It stops being fun real fast, so make the most of it while you can-----before you’re forced to call the authorities.
Quote; #841. Stalk someone.
(Four Skulls)
No, it’s not cool. No, it’s not romantic. No, it’s not sweet. It’s Ugly, and, depending on your jurisdiction, probably illegal.
Bedroom Things 249
~Examples;
Quote; #847. Engage in oral sex.
(One Skull)
Either giving or receiving. To be nice, do both.
Quote; #869. Have sex in a swimming pool.
(Three Skulls)
Not just water, but cold, chlorinated water. Hmmmm...no.
Ideological/Philosophical/
Intellectual Things 256
~Examples;
Quote; #881. Have the decency and guts to have a pet euthanized as a means of ending its misery.
(Three Skulls)
Some people say that the animal should be allowed to live as long as it possibly can, that animals don’t feel pain the same way we do, and just being alive is enough for a pet. These people are assholes. If you don’t agree with them, do the right thing.
Quote; #907. Learn advanced calculus.
(Two Skulls)
“Imaginary numbers”? Enough said.
Pleasure/Pain Things 267
~Examples;
Quote; #Walk on hot coals.
(One Skull)
This is not really daring at all; it’s just a simple demonstration of certain physical principles, such as, “Gee whillickers, if I don’t stand on the coals, they might not have enough time to burn me.”
Quote; #934. Try to re-enact Ben Franklin’s famous experiment with lightning.
(Five Skulls)
It’s quite apparent to most scholars that Franklin was grounded when he performed his feat, or he would have ended up a crispy critter. Several imitators who tried the stunt in the months following Franklin’s performance wound up quite dead.
Ingestion Things 275...His final sub-chapter here is where My final issues come in...Ouch
Alrighty then...he has seven entries in his book regarding alcohol consumption, #949 through #954. Out of the seven, he’s absolutely correct with three of his entries. The four that remain, I have no experience or knowledge with two of them so I can’t say a dang thing on whether he’s right or wrong on those. However, I must bash on the remaining two, and I wish he would have consulted Me on these two due to the fact that I truly have experience with not only actually doing one Myself, but witnessing and trying to help a friend with the other. I’ll explain these two one at a time...
The first one...
Quote; #951. Drink enough alcohol to make you vomit.
(One Skull)
This is a teenaged pastime, for those of you who have yet to understand that this is not a pleasurable experience. We should all experience it at least once in our lives so that we know the dangers involved.
...I’m sorry, but he’s wrong here. First of all, this entry should be at least three or four “skulls” in rating. It’s also definitely not merely a teenaged pastime, not only have I done it all too often in the past as a young adult before I slowly developed a high tolerance for consuming large amounts of alcohol without hurting myself too badly, as well as learning how to keep Myself very well hydrated...I’ve also seen this happen with older adults and older friends who simply couldn’t handle the amount of alcohol they were consuming. After the first couple of drinks, most folks tend to lose control of their common sense...I know because I’ve been there, and I’ve also seen in it happen at My bar very, very often. When this happens, you drink more, you drink faster, and when you get enough in you to a point where you need to vomit...you’re at a very toxic level, with enough alcohol in your blood that could be dangerous enough to damage your brain cells or even kill you if you’ve really gone too far.
The second one...
Quote; #952. Drink enough alcohol to make you pass out.
(Three Skulls)
More dangerous than you’d think from the treatment in popular media. If you get to this point, you’ve cranked a good dose of toxins into your bloodstream. High school or college is the last time you should ever do anything so foolhardy.
...not sorry here, he’s completely wrong with this one. This entry should be five “Skulls” PLUS in rating. High school? College? NO! This is something you should never try, if you drink enough alcohol to make yourself pass out...you’ve pumped enough toxins into your bloodstream that could possibly be deathly. Personally, I lost a friend at My bar in this manner. He was an older adult alcoholic; he thought he had built up his tolerance well enough to be invincible when it came to drinking. He took a dare at the bar and went shot for shot with another guy, he did pass out after several shots and never woke up...so, drink enough alcohol to make you pass out could most likely be deathly. I wish I couldn’t, but I can honestly say from experience that this is a fact.
WHEW...That was a heifer now wasn’t it? Sheesh!! I’ll try to be brief here with My ending (I did say “try”, but ya’ll know Me...it still ain’t easy for LadyCynic to do that even after writing her first ever super long review right?)
Alrighty then...I’ve finished reviewing our beloved SLOW’s totally outrageous and even surprisingly...(cough)...educational book...LadyCynic’s two “additions” which would fit right in if My supposedly good friend here had ever bothered to ask. So, those of you who were only interested in the book review, or are simply bored outta yer mind due to it’s length, can go now...I’ll wait a minute or two...tap, tap, tap...hang on, lemme check My watch...okay, a couple a minutes later now...those of you still here, are ya ready now?
Here we go then...of course LadyCynic may have to deal with an upcoming lawsuit by changing his title to “1003 Things To Do If You Dare” (not a problem though, I’d just get in touch with mattjoe ,who is a lawyer, here on EPS and see if he’d give Me a discount for representation in court...he’s a dear friend so he’d prolly do it for Me. Besides, he does like the look of My butt, so payment options could be negotiated as well...HA!)
LadyCynic’s Two Additions...
Part 1~ public things...
Quote; #0. Sit in your car on the side of a highway pointing a hairdryer, which resembles a radar detector, at cars as they pass you.
(One Skull)
Make sure you have an old CB antenna on your trunk, and a car that resembles an unmarked police car. Also, to avoid any anal retentive cops, who may catch you in the act, keep some makeup and hair supplies sitting next to you, as well as an adapter to plug the hair dryer into your cigarette lighter. That way you can use the excuse that your hairdryer is old and when it over heats, you like to get it to cool off quicker by holding it out of the window. The fun here is watching how many cars slow down almost immediately when they see you sitting there as they pass.
Part 2~ private things...
Quote; #103. Slam down five S.O.B.’s in five minutes or less.
(Five Skulls)
2-oz Southern Comfort
1-oz Cointreau
Splash of lemon juice
Mix and strain through ice into a rocks/shooter glass
If you’re stupid enough to try this, you’ll either throw it up immediately and be dangerously sick for several days or, if you are able to keep these shots down you’ve added enough toxins into your bloodstream which could possibly kill you. Obviously if you have any brains at all...don’t even try this or anything even remotely like it.
Well, that’s about it...Oh, except for one last thingy...
Final thought...never drink and drive! You're putting your life in danger, as well as everyone else's on the road with you. If you must go out to drink...walk! or do what I always do...take a taxi!
Final, final thought here...I would add to My final thought that you could also use a designated driver rather than a Taxi, However...I've refrained from adding that line due to the fact that I have had too many bad experiences, with folks who were supposed to be My close friends, were supposed to be trustworthy enough to be sober, and safe designated drivers. Yet found that they were sneaking alcoholic drinks during party time, and ended up obviously wasted by last call. Personally, I would always rely on a taxi...but if you feel that you trust someone well enough to know that they will stay sober for you, go for it.
Recommended:
Yes
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ladycynic
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The early bird may get the worm...but the night owl gets the tequila!
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