This is the Reason Why I Don't Watch Action Films
Written: Jul 03 '07 (Updated Jul 03 '07)
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Product Rating:
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| Bang For The Buck |
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Pros: The surfer dude is a cutie.
Cons: It's just a very bad movie.
The Bottom Line: I believe my memory was erased after watching the film.
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| ispeakup's Full Review: Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer |
I grew up in the age of comic books, and adored the Fantastic Four. To see them characterized this way is sacrilege. I went with a friend who adores all things inane and superficial, and as he was visiting, I didn't quibble with him about his choice. Boy, was it a sacrifice. I had already attended Pirates of the Caribbean with him and walked out in an hour and shopped at Ross Dress for Less (and came out with a real bargain on Liz Claiborne slacks). As I waited for the time to lapse, I also tasted my first Bo-Ba juice (a fruit shake with tapioca at the bottom), so there were some merits to seeing the film. But back to the Unfantastic Four.
Honestly, I don't remember one thing about the film. All I remember is the surfer graphics - a special effects device used long ago in several movies over a decade old. This one was a gimme for the studios: "make it and the idiots will come."
Okay -- I'll admit to being an adult well into my years, so maybe I wasn't the audience that Hollywood was targeting. But given that it's been determined that twelve-year olds have the sophistication of adults, then the pre-teens were short-changed, too. And since babies can't watch television to learn languages, then we have a very narrow range of little people who can actually derive any satisfaction from viewing the film besides seeing Technicolor images that transfix the eyes and make your thinking brain cells take a nap. The writers took a nap, that's for sure. And unless I'm in the pre-stages of Alzheimers, I really don't recall what this movie was about.
I could cheat and look at other people's opinions of the film and remind myself, but the very point of this opinion is that I can't have an opinion about what I can't even remember -- which is opinion in and of itself. They didn't write for me to remember. They put together a schlocky plot with visual effects that bordered on the mediocre, and had some cute faces on screen (sorry fellas, but I can't understand the fascination with Jessica Alba - there were cheerleaders in my high school that make her look like a cashier at the local drug store).
Obviously, anyone who keeps up with my few opinions knows that I don't write for anybody but myself, and I'm procrastinating because I have to take a shower and get back to my 3rd rewrite of my now notoriously bad novel. So I can give out what you might get should my novel ever make it to print - it's looking even farther away from possible without my investing in Kinkos copy paper to bind my own book. I got nada, nyet, nothing from that film. And I will never - ever waste my money again just to sit in front of a large screen. I'd rather sit in a church pew and meditate on life than this kind of drivel.
Get the plot from somebody else. They're getting it from the studios. There was no plot.
Recommended:
No
Movie Mood: None of the Above
Viewing Method: Other
Film Completeness: Looked complete to me.
Worst Part of this Film: Everything
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Epinions.com ID:
ispeakup
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Member: VLT
Location: Wherever I Am is Where I Live.
Reviews written: 71
Trusted by: 15 members
About Me:
Rewriting my novel a 3rd time after 7 years... hope springs eternal!
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