At Least Lemmy Can Operate A Remote Controller! - The One With The MP3s

Dear Mr. Neumann- I would like to explain, if I can, my reason for failing to submit the three lengthy and difficult assignments which were due, and which together make up 80 percent of my class mark. I hope that after I have expanded upon the reason for their undeniable and regrettable absence, you will find it within your heart to show a little lenience, and to forgive my transgression from the straight and narrow road of Higher Education and into the gloriously murky world of music reviews. Basically, what I’m trying to say is, while conducting Internet research for the case study in Assignment #2, I quite by accident stumbled upon a writing challenge (or “write-off”), inviting participants to set their Winamps to “shuffle” and to then to briefly discuss the virtues (or lack of) of the first fifteen songs. It is with regret that I inform you that once I set eyes upon this “write-off”, all thoughts of the task at hand vanished completely and the burning desire to rise to this excellent challenge and take the chance to inform everyone yet again just how badass my musical taste is, was all that occupied my mind.
Once again, I would like to offer my sincerest apologies and hope that you can find it possible to forgive, even though I and the rest of the class are aware of your dislike for all things musical, as your bi-weekly diatribes on “what song pisses me off right now!!!” amply attest to. But, you know, faced wit the choice between completing an assignment or educating scores of readers (OK, about 30) on the greatness of “Fool (If You Think It’s Over)”, well, the choice was all too easy.

Yours apologetically, Ms. Educatedphool

* * * * * * * * * *

All right, all right, so I exaggerated just a little. Thank God the things aren’t really due until the end of the month. No more tragically compelling write-offs, Epinions, I plead of you!

So. A certain Mr. Jordan_Tar has conceived this ingenious idea for a W/O, the details and fellow participants of which can be found at http://www.epinions.com/content_3850739844 .

Yes, I do download music and I make no apologies for it, but I’ll save that argument for later. Point is, we shuffle our MP3 collections, play ten or fifteen songs and tell everyone what endears us to them. Mine aren’t all that surprising- and yes, I really did shuffle them. Anyway, here they are in no particular order. Enjoy!

1. Chris Rea- “Fool (If You Think It’s Over)”

No, really. This is one of the coolest songs ever, with the perfect Seventies chorus projecting laid-back wisdom. Some poor seventeen-year-old chick has just had her heart mercilessly trampled on by an overly image-conscious asshole in a black leather jacket, who took her honour then ran off and bragged about it to all his friends. She thinks her world is about to end when along comes a cool older musician guy, who doesn’t want a steamy affair but only wants to make her feel better. “Save your tears,” he croons,” you’ve got years and years!” , before promising her her ““first good wine” over the most understated keyboards ever, in a voice that could melt concrete.

2. Linda Ronstadt- “You’re No Good”

Oh, my, God! If I were ever on one of those Pop Idol-type shows, this is the song I’d sing. I first heard this song as a dance-ified cover version about two years ago, and eventually got round to downloading the original earlier this year. And oh, is it good. I could listen to it all day, every day, forever, and still not fail to be excited by the bit at the beginning of the last verse, after the solo, where the groovy soul-sister “ooh! Ooh!” backing vocals come out in full force and Linda’s incredible voice soars even higher as she rips into a lying, cheating jerk for whom she threw over a much nicer and more suitable member of the male species. “I’m telling YOU! NOW! BABY that I’m going my way, forget about it baby ‘cause I’m leaving this day…” Fabulous!

3. Sonics- “Money (That’s What I Want)”

I am obsessed with finding the perfect version of this song. And, after hearing quite a few different interpretations, this was the one which came closest. My idea of the perfect take on the song would be to have it done by a Clash-style punk band, very fast, and with minimal instrumentation on the verses except for pounding drums. I have several different versions of this song in my MP3 library, and this one, as performed by a group of men who wear pumpkin suits on stage and appear to be in a state of mental health best described as “precarious”, gets the instrumentation damn near perfect and only spoils it slightly by completely ignoring any tune which the original might have had in favour of rockabilly howling. But still. It’s great.

4. Quincy Jones- “Blues In The Night”

This version of the classic Tin Pan Alley tune is from the “Ocean’s Eleven” soundtrack (the 2000 film starring George Clooney, not the Sixties Sinatra vehicle featuring an unhealthy abundance of orange sweaters on the menfolk), and I love it dearly. The original is one of my favourite songs ever, and this one does away with vocals, the rightly revered Quincy Jones allowing pianos and a multitude of squealing horns to roam free over a barely-audible framework of bass and brushed drums. Every part in the original song is played here by the perfectly-tuned brass section, and Mr. Jones should be applauded for his control with the arrangements, making them palatable and true to the original (how many times have I used that word?) rather than succumbing to the jazz urge to “experiment”, with the end result more akin to an instrumental pop song. And no song makes me feel cooler while driving.

5. Pavement- “Cut Your Hair”

Ah, those crazy rock bands. The idea behind this song is, get a bunch of impressionable high-school kids with strictly non-heavy-metal haircuts together, throw ‘em some $$$ and watch their Artistic Integrity™ disappear before your very eyes once you show them da monitch. And in 1994, when the primal howl of grunge was turning corporate faster than you could say Green Jelly, what could be truer? The irony was, given the song’s singable hook and radio-friendly distillation of the early-90s slacker culture, it was seen as being “too pop” and “too smart” by the grunge kids. Sigh. Well, y’know, whatever. Whoo-ooh oo-ooh oh-ooh, whooh-ooh oo-ooh oo-ooh ooh oooh!

6. Fleetwood Mac- “Silver Springs”

It wouldn’t be an MP3 collection without a contribution from the mightiest band ever to walk the earth. I have both versions of “Silver Springs” on my computer, the original studio one and the better-known track from F. Mac’s live opus “The Dance”, and this here is the latter. Originally it was a delicate harmonica-laden plea to a strayed love- here, post-Clinton inauguration, at the height of the Mac mega-revival, it has been given a massive overhaul 1997-style to the sound of rapturous applause from the stunned crowd. Who would have thought it could have such an ominous power on stage? It’s one of my favourite songs to sing along to while making my lunch or working on the computer… I think I’ve almost got it right!

7. Nancy Sinatra/ Lee Hazelwood- “Summer Wine”

I think I’ve expanded upon my adoration for Nancy and Lee several times here, and this is one reason why. It’s like a movie within a three-minute alt-country pop song. Hazelwood, the man with the sexiest voice ever, plays a hapless cowboy who wanders into town and is seduced and then robbed blind by the local blonde gypsy with her suspiciously sweet-tasting drugged wine. I love them because their voices are so different- his world-weary with a sense of foreboding, hers high, emotionless and capable of making madness and a complete lack of conscience seem attractive- and yet they go so well together. Their other major hit, “Some Velvet Morning” (included in the list made by another write-off entrant) is equally cinematic, and just as scary, with Lee as an alcoholic listening to Nancy crooning about flowers and secrets like an insane child. Wonderful stuff.

8. Ozzy Osbourne- “Flying High Again”

The neck-braced semi-legend at his best, before the small dogs and Beverly Hills mansions set in. This song, from “Diary Of A Madman”, sees Mr. Paranoid turn 50s rock ‘n’ roll on its head, singing about (surprise, surprise) the joys of recreational drug use, the whole song coming off like Chuck Berry at the gates of Hell. “Lemmy thinks I’m crazy, he don’t understand, never saw inside my head…” whines Mr. Osbourne about that other great excess-loving heavy metal frontman. Well, I think you’re both crazy, ya pair of old NWOBHM slobs. But at least Lemmy can.. possibly.. operate a remote controller.

9. Indigo Girls- “Three Hits”

I just love this kind of music. I’m not generally a huge fan of the Indigo Girls, but “Three Hits” is the perfect example of… what can I call it? Goth-country? The next song is also a perfect example of that genre, but I’ll come to that soon. “Three Hits” is all minor chords, mournful violin (“fiddle” sounds much too sprightly for the noise this thing makes) and acoustic guitar, at a funeral pace kept by muted drums, with only one vaguely rock-ish bit at the end. It could have been written 100 years ago. I don’t know what else to say about it. Just go download the thing!

10. Chris Isaak/ Stevie Nicks- “Solitary Man (live)”

See what I mean about Goth-country? It’s what I call “lost highway music”- not meaning the record company of the same name, because that deals largely in industrial music, but songs which should be listened to on a deserted road at twilight, while preparing to camp out in an ancient church. Or about to check into a run-down motel with a flashing neon sign. You get the idea. Anyway, the song. Well… Chris Isaak, Stevie Nicks, “Solitary Man”… need I say more? It has to rule beyond human comprehension! And that it does. Isaak’s version of the much-loved country-rock classic originally appeared on the album “San Francisco Nights”, and here he doesn’t deviate from the album version, except that he somehow finds himself sharing a stage with the goddess Stevie, who adds raspy backing howls “Gold Dust Woman”-style. The coolest part in the song? When, at the end of one chorus, they sing “solitary woman” instead of “man”! Like Stevie, I am a confirmed S.W. and that bit was just so cool and unexpected… plus, at the moment, that song has a Special Meaning…

11. Weird Al Yankovic- “ 50 Ways To Get Bin Laden”

Yay! Just stab him in the back, Jack/ Blow up the cave, Dave/ Step on his veil, Dale/ So we can be free… hit him with a bus, Gus/ Then sit on his gut, bud!/ Just hang him from a tree, Lee/ So we can be free… Genius, pure genius. The man behind such masterworks as “Walk With An Erection” and “Stop Dragging My Car Around” sings just like Paul Simon while making the funky Seventies guitars of “ 50 Ways To Leave Your Lover” even more prominent and almost disco, so you can’t fail to dance around wildly while singing about sending commandos out to pump Osama full of lead. In the words of another Simon, nobody does it better.

12. Quarterflash- “Harden My Heart”

This is No Doubt for the 80’s, but, like, better. Remember the lost highway music? Well, this is music to listen to when you’ve just been dumped unceremoniously and are driving at night into a parking lot with even more old neon signs than the Lost Highway Motel. The area where I live has one such parking lot, and then within a 1-mile radius it’s just grey trees and a school. It always seems to be deserted. It’s all very early-90s, and the song seems to me to have an affinity with the area. Or, alternatively, you can listen to the song while driving (again at night) through a semi-industrial area, along with “Boys Of Summer” and “Love Is A Battlefield”. Don’t ask, it’s just very fitting.

13. Nirvana/ Sonic Youth/ R.E.M. – “Twist And Shout”

Has any song ever sounded like so much fun? You can feel the good vibes in the (undoubtedly cramped) studio while our flannelette-clad heroes (and heroine) sing and play their asses off in one joyous, irony-free, two-and-a-half-minute explosion of rockin’ boogie. Lifelong Beatles fan Kurt Cobain does his very best John Lennon impersonation, a lung-shredding bluesy howl backed up by Michael Stipe, Thurston Moore and Kim Gordon, while the music sounds exactly like you’d expect two guitarists, two bass players and three drummers playing a primitive Beatles dance number to sound. Meaning awesome. If there ever was a time when grunge rock cast aside its usual cynicism and sounded happy, then this is it.

14. Berlin- “Sex (I’m A Man)”

I dreamed about this song a few nights ago. I first heard it, and saw the bizarre video, on an episode of Rage three years ago. Rage, in case I haven’t explained, is an insanely awesome music video show we have here which comes on late at night, and every Saturday night a band or musician chooses their favourite videos and explains why the songs mean so much to them. In this case, the band was System Of A Down and I can now assure you that System Of A Down Like Good Music. Even though they don’t make it, but that’s another story. Anyway, I heard “Sex” and was immediately reeled in by the urgent synth-rock dance beat and the damnably catchy call-and-answer chorus, an assertion of sexual identity between the sassy-voiced Terri Nunn (who pops up on backing vocals in song #15), and the band’s male singer, who looks and sounds like Iggy Pop, but even more debauched if possible. And it has a guitar solo! One of those wonderful squealing Eighties ones. Divinely sordid.

15. The Sisters Of Mercy- “Under The Gun”

I have this CD. I put the song on my computer because I couldn’t bear to be without it for even one second. It’s the best song in the world, ever. And I am a duet freak, and this is a duet, which is always good. "Are you leaving for love... are you living for looo-ooove?" It’s sad and beautiful and I absolutely love it and I’m so glad that it was included in these fifteen songs. That is all.

So there they are, fifteen random MP3s to give you voyeurs a little insight into my musical taste. I really must do those three assignments now, or Neumann will freak, and to freak would require far greater resources of energy than those possessed by my sedentary Prof, and he would not be pleased. For anyone interested in joining this fabulous activity, I put the address of the original write-off near the top of the page somewhere. Thank you and good night!