Collecting the first six issues of the Crimson comic book with pencils by Humberto Ramos and script by Brian Augustyn. (Francisco Haghenback and Oscar Pinto are credited as having helped Ramos create the character and work out the story concepts. It appears that Augustyn was only called in later on, to actually write the dialogue for the preexisting ideas they had for what kind of stories they wanted to tell.)
I had a chance to pick this up and the sequel (i.e. the collection of issues 7-12) cheaply at a recent sale. Cheaply enough I gambled on something I had never read before. It was probably worth just about what I paid for it, but if I were a vampire fanatic I might have been willing to go full cover price instead.
We start out with five pages of the Creation Story from Genesis, as rewritten for the occasion. Had to insert some new material in order to lay the foundation for the copious use of vampires in this series, you see. Please, try to contain your excitement! (Did I hear someone say 'what excitment?' Nah, I couldn't have!)
Page six introduces us to our series hero - wait. I can't call him a "hero" with a straight face. Heroes do heroic things. Let's try again.
Page six introduces us to our series protagonist - wait. "Protagonist" is accurate enough as far as it goes, in that he's the central character in this story (what we see of it in this volume), but it doesn't quite capture the full flavor of his personality. *Ahem* Let's take it from the top!
Page six introduces us to our beloved champion whiner and soon-to-be-angst-ridden-vampire, Alex Elder!
That's better!
He is one of four teenage boys in a car driving through Central Park at 2 AM. Anticipating my own thoughts, Alex's first dialogue in this series is "Um . . . is Central Park the greatest place to be at this time of night?" In the next three panels of dialogue, we establish several mildly interesting things:
1. Alex has been in a really bad mood (or series of mood swings) of late. His parents and his girlfriend are getting very annoyed, and his guy friends are more tolerant but equally aware that he's been having black moods. One of them pointedly calls him "Darth Alex."
2. Alex's response to that shows that he's consciously aware of the problem and doesn't like the way he's been snapping at people and brooding incessantly, but doesn't know why it's suddenly started happening or what to do about it. He claims he feels as if he's standing on the edge of a cliff, about to fall. (This is called foreshadowing: Your guide to quality literature!)
3. His three buddies are called Hughie, Dewey, and Louis. With different spellings for two of those names, they seem to be named after the three nephews of Donald Duck. One of those literary allusions that you have to figure out for yourself since Donald Duck et al. aren't actually referred to in the dialogue. Cute, isn't it? Not that their names really matter, since all three of them are going to be dead in about five minutes.
In the fifth panel, they suddenly see a biker gang lined up across the road facing them. For reasons which escape me, as soon as the driver sees at least six nasty-looking bikers blocking the car's path, he stops the car and yells "Scatter!" and all four boys scramble out of different doors and try to run for it. (Excuse me, son, but couldn't you run away a heck of a lot faster if you stayed in the car with the pedal pressed to the metal? Even granting that you're in mortal fear of these bikers, who thus far have only gotten in your way while the leader says "Looka'dis, m'bats - we got dinnah in de can!" Heck, they weren't even brandishing guns!)
Alex is captured by the leader as he's running away. We begin to see that these are not just a biker gang - they're a vampire biker gang! My cup runneth over! Their leader (who calls herself Rose de Puppet) is of an interesting physical appearance. Tacky, maybe, but interesting. Take an African-American woman. Cut her hair really short. Give her massive silicone implants. Give her what looks to me like a leopard-skin jacket but have her wear it open in front all the time (with no other clothing under the jacket except for some blue shorts or panties or some such) in order to show off her silicone implants to the world. To satisfy minimum requirements for "modesty" have the artist draw her in such a way that it appears that she has taken some black duct tape and placed an X-shape (two intersecting little strips of tape) across the center of each large breast in order to conceal the nipple. And have her speak with a thick accent (Harlem? I've never been to the Big Apple so I'm no expert on what real African-American residents of Harlem might sound like these days). More sample dialogue: "You fast, li'l one -- but not near fast enough to get away f'um Rose de Puppet, honcho o' de Jelly Bats!"
Oh, stop screaming already! You only had to read my description of her! I actually had to look at her! Did I mention that her eyes seem to be solid orange and her huge vampire fangs are showing as she looms over Alex? (Vampires can make those things shrink back down to normal dental size when they aren't hunting for dinner.)
After she bites him, we learn one of the ways in which this Crimson series is going to be different from a lot of other vampire-treatments I have seen in comics over the years. Blood dripping from all around her mouth. Meanwhile the other vampires are tearing Alex's buddies apart for their dining pleasure. Blood getting splattered all over everybody. In other words. These vampires are awfully messy eaters! I've seen vampires in comics several times (usually in stories where one superhero or another had to deal with the vile creatures) and they seem prone to just daintily suck out the blood through tiny incisions on the neck that leave a nice tidy corpse with very little in the way of bloodstains anywhere on the killer or victim. I always admired that sort of delicacy. I admit that I've never been much of a vampire movie fan so I don't know if their faces usually get coated with the stuff or not in that medium.
Before Rose is quite done with Alex, however, a mysterious figure (Ekimus, one of the old race of the Grigori, mentioned in that new-and-improved version of the first part of Genesis that I referred to) comes along and insists he's taking custody of the lad. He knocks down one of the vampire gang to prove his point and the others are intimidated and leave hastily. Then a mysterious woman wearing a red leather outfit with hooded cape pops out of the shadows and shoots that wounded vampire with her crossbow, presumably killing him since we don't hear from that particular character again. The woman mentions that hunting down his kind is her life's work, or words to that effect. (That's all we see of her in this first issue - stay tuned for details; she'll be back later on in this collection.)
Alex wakes up in an abandoned Catholic church surrounded by the bodies of dead pigeons. Ekimus explains to him that he is now a vampire. Alex initially rejects this concept, but after he tries to open the front door to run away and collapses in agony from the brief exposure to the sunlight, he begins to believe. Ekimus tries to teach him how to use his new powers and insists that Alex even has powers beyond those of the average run-of-the-mill vampire because (wait for it) he is . . . The Chosen One! Whatever that means. (Doesn't that part soundly vaguely like the Buffy the Vampire Slayer concept?) Ekimus either can't or won't define that in any meaningful way. (My money is on "won't." If Ekimus actually gave Alex satisfactory answers to his questions and complains, then Alex wouldn't have nearly so much reason to keep screaming at him, issue after issue, for being so mysteriously secretive and domineering without giving any really good reasons why Alex should pay the slightest attention to Ekimus's instructions on what to do or not to do!)
Alex deeply misses his mom, his dad, his little sister, and his girlfriend. Despite which he can't bring himself to go knock on the door and greet them, assuring them he's still alive. (The police naturally found the bodies of his three slaughtered friends in the Park and are wondering what happened to Alex, who was known to have been driving around in that car with them that night.) He definitely doesn't want to tell them he's a vampire. I admit I'd have a really hard time forcing myself to explain that to my own family, but I don't think I'd do what Alex does, i.e. totally fail to make any sort of communication with them. (Alex, here's a hint: If you can't bear to face them and then say you're not going to stick around for reasons you can't explain, there's always the mail! A handwritten letter would at least let them know that holding the funeral services for you would be a trifle premature!)
Oddly enough, one vampire with a Mexican accent (called Joseph or Joe) is a friend of Ekimus's and offers to show Alex the ropes. At one point he comes calling at the church with some clothes he suggests Alex can wear while they go out for a night on the town. All Alex has to wear at the moment is a choir boy outfit Ekimus found for him in the church.
Alex tries it on. Soon he is wearing what appears to be a black leather outfit that covers him from the neck down (except leaving part of each hand bare) with lots of bright metal buckles all over (three on the torso, at least six on each boot) and is saying: "THIS? This is perfect for me . . . ? Where'd you get this? Mug a porn star?"
Well, I can't comment on that because I am none too clear on what sort of outfits male porn stars normally wear (at times when they aren't wearing nothing at all, obviously). I'd love to know what makes Alex think he's an expert on that subject . . . no, actually I don't care. What I really wanted to do as soon as I first read this page was to grab Alex by the shoulder and say, "Listen up, kid! I'm going to explain a very complicated philosophical concept to you! If you hate the way you look in that leather outfit . . . YOU DON'T HAVE TO WEAR IT! Even if you wear it tonight because the wardrobe selection is just a tad limited at the moment . . . YOU COULD BUY OR STEAL SOMETHING ELSE TO WEAR FROM NOW ON!"
Based on the evidence provided in this book, those profound truths would come as a real eye-opener to the poor simpleton. When it comes to wishing he wasn't a vampire and talking about about how much he misses his family, he's the reigning champion. When it comes to doing anything constructive, such as shopping around for more "normal" clothes, he's a bit on the slow side. He first tried this outfit on for size in the middle of his second issue . . . and as of the final page of issue six (i.e. final page of this book) he's still wearing it! (He hasn't announced that he now loves the black leather bodysuit look - he just seems to have completely forgotten the entire problem!)
The story goes on from here. Remember that woman in red, the fearless vampire hunter? Alex is introduced to her by Joseph (yes, I know Joseph is a vampire and she hates vampires - but in his case, for reasons never clearly explained, she agreed to make an exception the last time she bumped into him, somewhere in Mexico several years back). She's called Scarlet. She is gorgeous, red-haired, and a hereditary member of the evil-monster-fighting organization known as the Holy Order of the Red Hood. Sworn to eradicate werewolves, vampires, and all of Satan's Spawn in general. At the moment, she's got a room at the YMCA (Yes, I know the "M" stands for Men - but she has a room there anyway, for reasons unknown!) and Joseph and Alex go in through the window just in time to meet her coming out of the shower. Her towel comes off in the struggle before she recognizes Joseph and Alex gets a good look at her full frontal nudity (we don't see all that he sees, however. Thank goodness for small favors.) It appears they are at cross-purposes . . . she is hunting Senator Van Fleet, who is a "king vampire" and by an incredible coincidence just happens to be the employer of Alex's dad, as well. After meeting Alex, she wonders if Mr. Elder is also a vampire. (No, he's not, and he doesn't realize his boss and some of his boss's henchmen are. Okay, so he's a bit unperceptive!)
The art is detailed and even appealing at times . . . if you like blood, blood, blood, and more blood in several of the scenes. I don't. Sometimes the dialogue is witty . . . if you can overlook the fact that Alex accomplishes very little in the first six issues of his own comic aside from meeting interesting people and killing the vampire who bit him in the first place. I can't overlook that huge lack of positive achievement on his part, but perhaps you'll feel differently. There is no frontal nudity visible (just barely) and no sex scenes that I can recall (certainly none for Alex) so on that basis this would be a PG-13-rated movie if not for the buckets of gore which definitely would shove it over into R territory. (I suppose some people must like buckets of gore.) In short, I'm glad I got this cheaply because I'd hate to think I had paid full cover price for it . . . but if you're crazy about vampire comics and lots of red liquid splashed all over the place, you might actually enjoy it! On that basis I gave it three stars and a "recommended."
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