Me. Myself. Gay. Part 3: Dealing with the Anti-Gay.
May 25 '04 (Updated May 26 '04)
The Bottom Line Haven't posted an editorial piece in a long time. Here is a third installment of my ongoing series.
I won't waste time with nonsense introductions - let's get to it.
The Anti-Gay. Who are they?
The "Anti-Gay" as I will define, is anyone that has to gain from the defamation and castigation of the 2-10% of the human population who falls in love with someone of their same gender. They include the usual religious fanatics, public officers, and homophobes. But these represent only the minority and most vocal of the Anti-Gay. The rest of the Anti-Gay consist of bigoted individuals who are much more passive aggressive in their intolerance of homosexuality, people we must encounter and turn the second, the third, and the hundredth cheek to everyday. These people are allowed to get away with saying the most offensive and hateful things in general public without anyone telling them how nasty they really are.
I work part time in a banquet hall as a server. As such, it is impossible for me not to overhear people's conversations. Just this past week, while tending to two separate tables at two separate events, I had to overhear conversations with loud, offensive, and downright hostile and hateful remarks about gays - one gentleman dropped several F-bombs along with the other "F"-word while I, a so called "disgusting, no good, f-ing f!ggot" poured his coffee. It took every ounce of human decency in me not to dump the rest of the scalding liquid on his lap - the ancient Greek warrior in me wanted to impale him with a bronze spear through his black heart.
There are far subtler and far more numerous examples. While I was in a shopping mall browsing at some shoes, a little boy of around 10 or so was shopping for shoes with his father. His father motioned to one pair and the boy's response was, "No, not those, those are gay. Those are what all the gays wear". I didn't know shoes could fall in love with each other, did you? "Gay" has replaced the word "retarded" in our popular slang vocabulary to mean something undesirable. Good for the mentally retarded - bad for gays. Hooray, we are now the "it" scapegoat.
Believe it or not, not everyone in the Anti-Gay is heterosexual - the most dangerous of the Anti-Gay are the closeted homosexuals. These poor souls are so riddled with self esteem problems and other profound emotioanl issues that they seek to destroy what they know is in them by attempting to destroy others like them.
Why do they hate us?
Unlike homosexuality, hatred is taught and learned. Hatred for any group of people persists partly because of mob mentality and because of fear what will happen being the person that DOESN'T hate those that everyone is supposed to hate.
Homophobia is of course another reason. But why do they fear us? They fear that deep down inside; they may be just as gay as we are. But they have been so programmed by systematic degradation of homosexuals that they refuse to accept the truth. They also fear that homosexuality is some kind of communicable disease like small pox.
I believe they also fear us because of our incredible potential. There's a reason why some of the most talented and motivated people in history and today were and are gay.
The Fundamental Flaw of the Anti-Gay's Argument Against Homosexuality
The arguments "against" homosexuality, even the religious ones, are all grounded on the same faulty premise:
Homosexuality is a choice.
These are the people that created hideous terms like "lifestyle choice". How is my lifestyle any different from someone elses? I go to work, I pay my bills, I sleep at night, I buy groceries, I excercise, I read, and I take care of those I love - how is that any different than what straight people do?
What proof do I have that people are born gay? Am I a geneticist or a scientist? No. The only qualification that I have is the fact that I am gay and that I've known I was different my entire life, even though I wasn't sure how until later. I can only say that every sexual awakening and learning experience that I've gone through as a kid and into early adulthood, the stuff that everyone learns on the playground, in the locker room, in the junior high cafeteria, and so on: it just seemed more natural with another guy. It's not just me, ask any homosexual if they feel they were born that way. Most if not all will say yes.
I've never known a happy and content heterosexual to say he "chose" to be straight or "chose" not to be gay. He was born that way and with a little luck, found a fantastic woman to share his life with.
But how can I say the Bible is wrong? Because it is the only rational conclusion to draw upon, just as the Bible is wrong when it comes to its acceptance of slavery.
Neither is homosexuality a disease. Psychology tried to diagnose homosexuality as a disease and failed. But, what would happen if psychology tried to diagnose love in general as a disease? Heterosexual people fall in love as well, don't they have a disease? Think about it, love is a disease because look at what it causes people to do; but no one is looking to cure this ailment:
Doctor: What seem to be your symptoms?
Patient: Obsessive thoughts, loss of sleep, lack of concentration, impaired judgment, emotional outbursts, excessive anxiety, and emotional dependence on one person and all because of one person.
Doctor: Yes, I'll have to run some tests, but you appear to be in love. If so, we'll need a to quarantine you and begin an electroshock-therapy treatment.
With all that said, homosexuals are not going to allow ourselves simply to be brushed under the rug nor will we tolerate living only to be treated as sub-human.
Why it currently sucks to be gay.
While we homosexuals have managed to convince most people that we do indeed exist and that we will go on existing, there are still things that make life less than fantastic on the other side of the sexual fence.
Heterosexuals can make out and do lots of other overt, gross sexual things in public that their mothers told them never to do and not get scolded at (anymore). I can't even hold hands sitting down in a restaurant (a completely benign sign of affection) without worrying if I'll be accosted.
Homosexuals are often times estranged from their families after coming out because of Anti-Gay feelings and reasoning. This is a conscious rejection of us by our own families. I can think of no other quality that can irrationally turn some parents' love for a child off like a switch other than the child becoming honest about who he/she really is to the people that bore him/her.
Because these homosexuals are denounced from their families by their own families, it is the belief that they cannot form families on their own because they don't have one already. Well whose fault is that? We wouldn't have to "form our own" if you didn't throw us out of the one we were born into in the first place.
The radical religious Anti-Gay believes it better for us to enter loveless sham marriages than to have real ones of our own.
The radical religious Anti-Gay believes it important to castigate gays as the ultimate evil and harbinger of doom for Christian civilization (as if there was any other kind of civilization). Homosexuality is a subject with appallingly minimal note in the Bible - yet the real and the biggest threats to heterosexual marriage (which, incidentally, are remarked upon with a wee bit more emphasis in the Good Book) are allowed run unchecked. We will not allow ourselves to become scapegoats.
A heterosexual man and woman who can be judged the most unfit parents in the world can unfortunately sire as many offspring as they want (or even children they DON'T desire). Most homosexual couples are not allowed the "privilege" to adopt even the rejected children from the "holier than thou" heterosexuals.
At least there are no "oops" children in a gay relationship. We love all of our kids because we had to fight so damn hard just to become your legal guardians! Were it up to the Anti-Gay, they would prefer to see children raised in the wonderful world of state ward ship than be raised by real loving couples with a surplus amount of love to give.
What can I do as a homosexual?
In my experience, the single most important thing that any homosexual can do is to just be out. Just be who you are. No matter what walk of life you lead. Just the very fact of being out, letting the world know that you exist and that you will not be ignored is the most powerful action you can do. And then - just live. Do what you would have done if you were forced to be straight. Just because you're gay doesn't mean you have to acquire a lisp and become a hair stylist!
What can I do as a heterosexual?
Love your gay son, daughter, brother, sister, mother, father, best friend...
Love your gay son, daughter, brother, sister, mother, father, best friend...
Love your gay son, daughter, brother, sister, mother, father, best friend...
There's little else you need to do.
And don't tell us that you saw Will and Grace last night and thought it was funny. Don't try so hard.
Just let us be. And if you're lucky - we might even tell you what's wrong with your clothes.
Cheers,
Dino
The Premier
Epinions - May 2004
Related Links:
Part I
Part II
"Religion and science are not the ends of knowledge, they are only beginnings. Knowledge is the understanding of principles, not blind beliefs in creeds or theories." ~ Me
P.S.
Just For Laughs
"It's a good thing they don't allow gay people in the military - otherwise weird sex stuff might happen." ~ Tina Fay, SNL
"If they really want gay people to stop having sex, let them get married." ~ Chris Rock
"All marriage is same sex marriage, because once you're married, it's the same sex every night." ~ Bill Mahr
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Member: Constantinos Kolios
Location: Rochester, New York
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