voxpoptart mix #1: "too smooth, like mayonnaise" May 30 '04 (Updated Jun 26 '04)    Write an essay on this topic. Tweet Popular Products in Music The Dirtchamber Sessions, Vol. 1 by The Prodigy From $11 Jersey Boys [Original Broadway Cast Recording] by Original Broadway Cast From $8 The Bottom Line Woodwork squeaks, and out come the tunes! Certain universal truths exist in popular music. Among these: boy-bands invariably spawn off into floundering solo careers, Michael Bolton covers are _never_ as good as the originals, and all Nickelback songs sound alike. It seems natural to extend this to those who review popular music, and to bring the whole thing full-circle, to those who review popular music at Epinions. So certain universal truths, then, exist about those who would review popular music at Epinions. Among these: the assertion that voxpoptart has the writing ability to make you consider buying pretty much _anything_, and the mixing ability to make you believe that all this time without that Jewlia Eisenberg or Jim's Big Ego tune has really been like a part of your soul missing. Though i've never actually been in Brian's residence, I imagine that he stockpiles records like richer men collect fine wines. His reviews toss all sorts of names at you that you've probably never heard; and for these names to finally manifest themselves in a mix cultivated from Brian's Cellar of Lost Records is a treat indeed. Recently, Brian and I traded mixes over a lunch. I've acquainted myself with - and found myself partially addicted to - the groovier of his mixes, aptly titled Too Smooth, Like Mayonnaise. Following the template suggested by previous mix write-ups by Brian, shilmafone, and andym173 (hey, we could have a nice little mix-trading circle going on here..), i've detailed all the obscure soul and indie hip-hop here. ** 1. Jonny 5 + Yak, "Freewritten" And to think, I was supposed to help Brian bone up on _his_ hip-hop. I'm sure one of these days i'll wear him down and he'll pick up a copy of Blackalicious's Blazing Arrow, but this track's made Jonny 5 + Yak's Onomatopoeia a sort of musical holy grail worth frantically digging for. It's like the hip-hop counterpoint to all those rock epics that start out as delicate piano ballads before morphing into rawk anthems in the last third; the rhymes are incredibly on-point, and drone deceptively over a dragging, spacey beat, before the song transforms into the most rhythmic, snappy, catchy rap verse in years. How perfect is that? 5/5 2. Aesop Rock, "Super Fluke" I'm beginning to assume that my hip-hop tastes teeter precariously between the mainstream and the underground: I love the rhymes, but the production on "Super Fluke" is a bit difficult for a funk-loving guy like myself to stomach. I liked Labor Days, though, so perhaps we could talk about it before we burn me at the stake? Sweet. 3/5 3. Was (Not Was), "Out Come the Freaks" If, years down the line, I find myself a thirtysomething trying to pinpoint just when I started listening to Was (Not Was), i'll have this review saved for posterity: it was Brian's fault. "Out Come the Freaks" rocks a few distinctly '80s synth blasts, but if the bubbly bassline and staccato stabs of guitar-funk don't make it perfect, then the witty, kinda-creepy lyrics do. Fresh-sounding, and absolutely fantastic. 5/5 4. Rise Robots Rise, "Solar Blues" Schizophrenic dance-rock shifts from Santana instrumental to vaguely tribal chorus to the lost background music to "Manhunter". It's odd, and kind of retro-sounding, but I kinda-like it. 3/5 5. Boom Bip + Doseone, "Dead Man's Teal" This one i'm not so sure I like. It kind of drones a bit too much for me, and I can nod my head to it here and there, but it's difficult to actively like. Certainly my least favorite track on the mix; sorry, Brian! 2/5 6. Lamya, "Splitting Atoms" Which is, fortunately enough, right next to my favorite; i've never heard of Lamya, but she (assuming Lamya is a she and not a band) is hypnotic. "Splitting Atoms" is incredible - the groove is perfect, the instrumentation quirky enough to separate from the pack (mariachi horns and something that sounds like a sitar) but accessible enough to love. She sounds like a less husky Macy Gray singing this perfect little soul tune; i'm sufficiently floored. 5/5 7. Jewlia Eisenberg, "Dream of Me" Eisenberg's seductive lead dominates this lovely a capella track; her lyrics are direct, but wonderful, starkly poetic. "I'm not an arcade in gay par-ee/ i'm neither phantasm nor fetish nor commodity." I could get used to music without instrumentation, I think. 4.5/5 8. Aceyalone, "Makeba" "This is not a love ballad .. but it is a slow song." The flow is ace, the storytellin' fascinating; the beat is sparse, with a fantastic bass line. 4/5 9. Urban Dance Squad, "No Kid" Slightly goofy, slightly funky, slightly over-white, but very infectious. Brian lifted the title of this mix from this tune; the raps and half-samples sound kind of dated, but when the chorus morphs into a sort of country-rap half-hoedown, it sounds too cool to worry about. Or too smooth .. like mayonnaise. 3.5/5 10. Family Stand, "Plantation Radio" Funky and rock-minded, "Plantation Radio" sounds dated in that effervescently retro manner: there are elements to it that sound distinctly late-'80s, but it's evocative, groovy, and smart. The rap waxes about the then-timely follies of commercial radio ("..got that old Martha Wash jam/ so i could sample the voice and i could be the man/ and get some little skinny model to lip-sync?/ hold on a second, let me think.."), the hooks are bountiful, and the guy's voice sounds kind of like Prince. Fantastic. 4/5 11. Jim's Big Ego, "Stress" Brian's told me that Jim's Big Ego is a local band that i'm to check out while i'm in Boston. If this energetic, hilarious tune indicates mastermind Jim Infantino's collision of songcraft and humor, I'll have to do just that. First: the guitar riff is funky, and the horns squelch like P.funk brass gone mad. Second: the verse lyrics? He sounds like a caffienated Barenaked Lady with ADD. A sample, then, for you to dwell on until you decide, like i have, to pick up a Jim's Big Ego album: "tryin' to cut down on my caffeine consumption, so when i get up i just have one cup of coffee and i like to have another cup of coffee with my breakfast, and on my way to work i like to get a cup of coffee and then another cup of coffee that you get with your donuts. but i never get the donut, i just have the cup of coffee. and when i get to work, i like to have another cup of coffee, because i like to have a cup of coffee when i'm talking on the phone, which usually goes cold and i need to get another cup of coffee, and then it's lunch, and i have an espresso. and when i get back, it's not morning anymore, so i have a diet cola, and another diet cola, and then i'm feelin' fine, and i'm feelin' pretty sharp, and i'm feeling pretty wired and i'm getting things done, but right around two i get this little tiny migraine. it starts by my eyes and then it moves to the back of my neck and it moves to the bottom of my spine, but it doesn't get there until five or six o'clock, which is the end of the day, so i'm fine, so i'm FINE! so i'm fine, so i'm fine, so i'm fine, except when i have to work late. when i have to work late, which i usually do." From what I hear about Jim's Big Ego, whether you find the preceding passage annoyingly quirky or pleasantly funny makes all the difference. You know where I stand. 5/5 12. Soho, "Radio Soul Groove" Groovy enough to actively like, but not distinctive enough to actively recommend. It's not bad .. it's just kinda there. 3/5 13. Sissy Bar, "Gin and Juice" Whether or not you'll like a lo-fi jangle-synth-pop cover of a Snoop Dogg song sung by a woman kind of depends on if you find this sort of thing funny or just offensive to hip-hop. Even if you plan to opt for the latter, give it a chance first - Dynamite Hack's dismal "Boyz N the Hood" cover might've sullied your taste for this quirky sort of thing, but Sissy Bar's fist at "Gin and Juice" has a neat little groove and melody of its own, even if it's pretty much just a novelty. It's a song of its own, really, that just happens to feature lines like "it's kinda hard bein' Snoop D-O-double-G/ but i somehow, some way/ keep on coming up with funky-*ss hits like every single day." 4/5 14. Mr. Lif, "Status" When his I Phantom became all the rage, I made a mental note to check out Mr. Lif; when I heard he was a Boston emcee I figured i should out of simple temporary-hometown loyalty; when Brian threw "Status" on a mix and I got to hear Lif's flow and that awesome synth-bass line for myself, I figured to do anything else would be to do myself, and my illustrious music collection, a tremendous disservice. 5/5 15. Paris, "Guerillas in the Mist" The rhymes are swift, angry; the production a tantric, sparse patchwork of funk guitars and raucous drums. Sure, it drifts off in the between-verse interludes with goofy police sirens and superfluous record scratchings dotting the thing, but Paris's gruff, piissed-off cadence is too perfect to really care. 4/5 16. El-P, "Deep Space 9mm" I'm not sure how likely i am to get into some of these Def Jux cats. Perhaps truly indie hip-hop just doesn't strike my fancy; perhaps it simply goes over my head; perhaps i'm a bit too obsessed with groove to appreciate an instrumental track so spacey and abrasive. And I think the production's the problem with me: it's not that i don't respect the hell out of the flows of El-P and Aesop Rock, it's just that the track doesn't do enough for me to keep me coming back. If you _do_ get it, I envy you; unfortunately, I don't. A respectful 3/5 for effort. 17. Count Zero, "Cure of a Kiss" Groovy closer! The guitar-heavy parts don't tickle my fancy as much as the funkier parts, but i appreciate the schizophrenia. 4/5 Thanks to Mixmaster Brian for taking the time to mix-down some good isht for a sheltered New Jerseyite to listen to, and thanks to y'all for caring enough to read it. If my mix for Brian sparked as many potential purchases as Too Smooth, Like Mayonnaise has, i'll be a happy man. *** MIX SAGA UPDATE: Brian just reviewed the funky mix I made for him, and in typical sensational form. Read all about it here.

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