It's Time to Play The Star-Studded, Big-Money MFunk75's NAVELGAZIN W/O!!!Jun 08 '04 Write an essay on this topic.
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The Bottom Line Everything you've always wanted to know about ME -- and I mean EVERYTHING!!!
I’ve never been so dumb as to participate in the vast majority of those narcissistic getting to know you write-offs. Their questions were always so trivial, never daring to get to the meat of a personality, the deepness of one’s soul. I never felt that I knew or understood any of the people after reading their supposedly personal essays. Mfunk75, however, has gone beyond the call of duty, and dared to ask the tough questions. And I, in the spirit of complete honesty, will answer these tough questions! (And I also want to top Sue in giving out the most open and totally non-twisted answers in this entire write-off!!) 1.What is your real name! Gene Rayburn, host of the star-studded big money Match Game! And owner of many tacky polyester suits!! God, aren’t I such a stud!!!??? 2. What is your Epinions.com name! DavidMac, of course! It’s my cover, duh! Do you really think I, a decaying game show host, would be so foolish as to reveal my true celebrity to all the freaks and stalkers out there in Middle America ..... opps, I guess I just did. hehehehe!!! 3. Where are you currently located! In my pretty little fantasy world, with lollipops and ponies, and sexy women riding those ponies and sucking on those lollipops! 4. How long have you been a member here!! Right from the very beginning. You see, I’m not just a member, I’m also the president! 5. What is your e-mail address! me@desperateandstrange.com Send me a mail, please!!! I have more than enough time to read all of the e-mails that I get from each and every one of my adoring fans!!! 6. Do you have a homepage! A homepage? At this rate, it’s an entire homebook! 7. I bet you have some favorite websites you want to tell us about, yeah! How much do you wanna bet? I’m underemployed and need the cash! 8. In fifteen words or less, give us a personal message! Remember, it can't be more than fifteen words! “This message has been authorized by the official agent for the Liberal Party of Canada.” 9. How many reviews have you written (Wow, that's a lot! Who do you think you are, Shakespeare! LOLOL) Hey, I’m no Shakespeare. But if you believe the rumors, neither was he!!!! I think I’m more like Sir Francis Bacon myself. Mmmm, bacon!! 10. How many member visits do you have! 100,000!!! But that’s really just me refreshing the same page a few hundred times a day!!!! 11. Total visits! 100,001!!!! My mom felt sorry for me and my perpetual state of loser-hood!!!!! 12. How much have you earned so far from Epinions.com! (C'mon, you can tell us! We won't hit you up for a loan, promise! ROTFLMFAO!!) I’ve earned 10,000 dollars!! Yay!! But if I hit a double on the Star Wheel, I can double my money and earn up to 20,000 dollars! Double-Yay!! 13. What is your favorite day of the week! I don’t know, because I never wake up until sunset. Spooky!!! 14. Tell us your luckiest number! 13!!! Nobody else likes it, so I can have it all to myself! Ahahahaha!!! 15. Let's hear your favorite prime number! 73!! The year when CBS hired me to host the all-new Match Game. And, on a related note, my most despised prime number is 79 -- the year when that very same network canceled me, the cheap bastards! 16. Cats… cute and fuzzy love-beasts or meowonderful! (be careful how you answer this, because I have 5 cats myself!! I call them Sporty, Scary, Sexy, Baby, and Spicey, cause they are so damn cute!! LOL!) Oooo, cats are so cute. But they make me sneeze, because I’m so allergic to cuteness!! Sob!!! 17. Tell me your favorite palindrome! A s!ut nixes sex in Tulsa. But she only did so on my esteemed advice. God, those Tulsanians are so freaking uptight and I’ve got the broken jaw to prove it! 18. Tell us which wife of Henry VIII you relate to most! I got married to the widow next door. She’s been married seven times before. And every one was an Henry. She wouldn’t have a Willie or a Sam. 19. Which is your favorite Moon of Jupiter! Io!! It’s such an awesome moon!! Even saying that word is so awesome!! Instead of saying “Yo!” to my buddies, I like to say “Io!!!” Rock on!! 20. If you were a time zone in the Eastern Hemisphere, which time zone would you be!! I’d like to be Colombo Time. Peter Falk is a pretty cool guy!!! hehehehe 21. Who is the bestest Patron Saint of sexual temptation (Uh-oh! This one could get naughty!!) Richard Dawson! Every woman wanted to kiss him on the Match Game, and, believe you me, they would have done more than kiss him if it weren’t for those damn censors and for Mark Goodson’s bloodthirsty jealousy because even though he was the biggest game show producer of all time, he couldn’t get any!!! (Although rumour had it that he had to resort to asking Bill Todman for some nookie!! Teehee, I’m so bad!!!) 22. I like chemistry! Tell me which is your favorite chemical element adjacent to technetium on the periodic table! Aww, what’s wrong with technetium? Doesn’t it deserve love too? 23. If you could go back and live in one epoch of the Cenozoic era, which epoch of the Cenozoic era would you choose! Any era where the ladies notice my innate charms and intelligence! 24. Quote us a line from your favorite Old English epic poem! “Dumb Dora is so dumb that she blanked her husband’s Fruit of the Looms.” So many layers in that one brief line....... 25. If you could have lunch with one of the winners of the Bank of Sweden's Nobel Prize for Economic Sciences (in Memory of Alfred Nobel!) who would it be! Mr. Wendy! He knows how to sell those Old-Fashioned Wendy’s Hamburgers, even if he is only in an unofficial capacity!!! hehehehehe!!! 26. Who is your favorite mythological trickster! (BTW, you can't choose Loki Laufeyiarson, the Norse god of mischief, cuz he's mine! Ladies -- hands off!!) Hmmm, how about Achilles and that alleged trick heel of his. How could a heel bring down a God? You’re not fooling me for a second, you incorrigible one, you!! hehehehe 27. Favorite American Transcendentalist author! Fannie Flagg! I’d flip through her fried green tomatoes any time! hehehe!! 28. If we were to find you browsing through the Apocrypha of the Old Testament, which book would we most likely find you hunched over! (Sit up straight, young man! You'll ruin your posture reading that way! Haha!) Any book where God is depicted as angry and vengeful toward all the sinful and misguided little people below Him. I like Gods. I like them very much. I know exactly how they feel. 29. Which is your favorite of Zeno's paradoxes! (For this one, and this one only, you can choose more than one! Don't ever say I never did anything for you!!) An infinite circle is a straight line. Wow, it sounds just like my life -- I march forward through my dull life, while going around and around in circles. Ooooo, deep! 30. Which is your favorite perpetual motion machine! The whole world is one big mass of perpetual motion, dude!! Oh man, I’m getting so dizzy!! I think I’m going to hurl like I’ve never hurled before. Oh, my, mfunk’s got a lot of clean-up to do! Hahahaha, I’m so funny!!!!  |
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