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You Know You Aren't In College Anymore When... (HUMOR)

Jun 11 '04 (Updated Jul 06 '04) Write an essay on this topic.

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The Bottom Line Get ready for EVERYTHING to change ... and do your best to enjoy it. 30 is just around the corner!

note: This piece is a little break from the norm - it's something I wrote for UR magazine back in 1997, and I thought I would share. Surprisingly, it's still apropos...
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YOU KNOW YOU AREN'T IN COLLEGE ANYMORE WHEN...

1. You’re waking up at 6 am instead of going to bed then.
2. You rediscover the iron.
3. Beers at lunch get you reprimanded
4. College sweatshirts are ‘casual’ instead of dress-up.
5. Your parents charge rent
6. The 4 food groups are no longer beer, pizza, ramen and cereal
7. It’s ‘getting late’ when it’s 9:30 p.m.
8. Three Words: School Loan Payments.
9. You work 40 hours a week - and still can’t afford that dream Ford.
10. You start eyeing the Light Beer section appreciatively.
11. Pickup football games mean that at least one person will be in the hospital by game’s end.
12. Your friends are discussing, THEN: GPA’s, phone rates and tonsil hockey;
NOW: IRA’s, Interest rates and their kid’s orthodontia.
13. Sleeping on the couch means you’re in the doghouse.
14. Naps are no longer available between noon and 6 p.m.
15. Sneakers are now ‘weekend shoes’.
16. You can’t go 3 days without a shower anymore.
17. The letter from mom and dad now have portraits of their ‘other’ grandchildren instead of cash.
18. Dinner and a movie - The whole date instead of the beginning of one.
19. Your significant other being pregnant brings thought of tax deductions instead of coronaries.
20. Jack and Cokes become Dewers on the Rocks.
21. The only drugs you take are Tums and Tylenol.
22. That weak single you hit in the intramural softball game is now remembered as a Varsity dinger for the League Championship.
23. You get your news from sources other than USA Today, ESPN Sportscenter and MTV News.
24. You wear more ties/skirts in a week than you owned while taking classes.
25. You find yourself reminiscing fondly of 2-hour Calculus exams.
26. You empathize with the characters from ‘Friends’.
27. METABOLISM SLOWDOWN.
28. Football season tickets go from $75 for the season with dozens of friends to $750 for the season with the three other guys who get away from the family.
29. Wine appreciation expands beyond Boone’s and Mad Dog.
30. You actually eat breakfast foods at breakfast time.
31. When drinking, you say at least once per night, ‘I just can’t put it down the same as I used to’.
32. You are the only person over the age of 16 in your neighborhood with a Playstation.
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