Annoying Answers to the Annoying Questions Write-off (With Apologies to Al Jaffee)
Jun 24 '04
The Bottom Line quit around question number 12, so won't be participating, the whiny quitter.
Al Jaffee of Mad Magazine fame used to write "Stupid Answers to Stupid Questions". I doubt if mothra3 was aware of that as it was a long time ago, however, mothra3 is hosting the Annoying Questions Write-Off. As it is a write-off, you know I had to attend.
1) What is your full name, including middle and maiden names (if applicable)?
Puttin Tane. Ask me again and I'll tell you the same. Actually, I cannot answer this truthfully due to the Witness Relocation Program.
2) Your Social Security number?
Forty-Two
3) Credit Card number including expiration date?
{Wild, hysterical laughter} You think I have credit?
4) Sex? Not right now, I'm typing up a write-off.
If so, how often? With or without a partner?
5) Who is the most annoying member here at Epinions?
Right now it's mothra3 for coming up with this write-off.
6) If you could give everyone at Epinions one piece of advice, what would it be?
Plastics.
7) If there were a button in the opinion ratings that said “helpful, but unreadable; please check for errors and resubmit”, would you use it?
Can I use this on my own reviews?
8) If you could invent your own such button, what would it say?
Trust laryan cause she's so cool! Hey! We all have our fantasies! Having the same number of people who trust me as I have reviews is mine.
9) What is your most disgusting habit?
Jumping into write-offs.
10) One day you encounter a magical sprite (a faerie, not the soft drink, you son of a silly person!) who offers to let you see yourself as other people see you for just one day. Would you take him up on his offer
I'd much rather have people see me as I see me. Then my plans for world domination would be complete!
11) What is the central struggle at the heart of the novel The Turn of the Screw by Henry James? Discuss.
Trying to get through the damn thing.
12) Quien es mas macho? Lorenzo Lamas o Ricardo Montalban???
And I care?
13) If you could go back in time, what era would you visit and why?
1920s-30s Germany and kill Hitler. Or 1963 Dallas and warn President Kennedy of the assassination attempt. Just for fun, when was Sappho alive? That might be a nice vacation after I change the world.
14) (ok, think Eighties here:) The news comes in that Nuclear Annhilation is at hand. You’ve got one minute to get to your backyard fallout shelter. What three things do you grab on the way?
Some possible choices:
-as much food as you can carry
-as much water as you can carry
-condoms
-a gas mask
-a transistor radio
-your favorite pillow
-your cellular phone and laptop
-a good book
-some clean underwear
-any others???
My fall-out shelter would already be stocked with the necessities for a long-stay (including non-necessities like some good books, DVDs, music, computer, radio, batteries, etc). So all I'd need to grab are my family (including my cat and dog), my purse (which includes all medications and my cell-phone), and that's about it. What's the point of having a fall-out shelter without stocking it?
15) When making salad dressing with Oil, Vinegar, Water and Spices, in what order do they settle (from top to bottom)? No Cheating!!!
Pardon me, but could I have the cheesy parmesean dressing instead? Or a honey mustard? Ranch? Okay, from top to bottom--spices, water, vinegar, then oil.
16) True or false: some words can be made plural by adding an apostrophe and s.
And this applies to my life... how?
17) Yellow and Blue make green, but what do Yellow, Cyan and Magenta make???
I don't know, but my cat hocked it up on the rug last night.
18) Speaking of colors, they may come close, but according to some experts, you won’t see this color flower in nature. What is it?
Black. Too easy. Actually, there is the "Black Rose" but it's such a deep red, it's said to be black. It isn't. That's really false advertising.
19) How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
If we keep destroying their natural habitat, we won't have this question to ask because ALL THE WOODCHUCKS WILL BE DEAD!
20) You are interviewing for the job of a lifetime in New York City. The room where you are being interviewed is in the center of the office and is not enclosed, allowing little privacy. When your interviewer steps away for a few moments, you notice more than just a few people “casually” walk past the table where you are seated, their eyes glued on something underneath the table. As they do this, they comment to each other under their breath, even with an occasional snicker. You check your fly, but can’t find anything amiss.
When your interviewer returns, you can’t help mentioning this odd parade. He replies unflinchingly that they were doing “shoe check” to see if you had “ the right kind of shoes.”
How do you react?
a) laugh nervously and gibe that you “hope you passed.”
b) walk out in disgust at such childish behavior
c) proudly look at your Italian leather shoes and think to yourself, “I was born to work here.”
d) leave a stink bomb in their bathroom before departing
e) other—please elaborate:
Cross my legs allowing my skirt to ride high on my thighs. Kick off my shoe, rub my stocking foot up his leg, lick my lips, lean forward in the chair and say: "My shoes have a round heel, baby." When I have the job I want, fire all those who dared to make fun of me! Then work on world domination!
Okay, actually I'd probably say: "Once you hire me, I can afford better shoes. You know I'd work hard for that goal!" Knowing that shoes are like the lowest point of my agenda.
21) Who is the bigger blowhard, Michael Moore or Rush Limbaugh?
Without a doubt, it's Rush Limbaugh. Why hasn't he been arrested for breaking Federal drug laws? How many freaking OxyContin does this idiot have to have before it's painfully obvious he didn't win the Drug Lottery?
22) You return home from vacation to find your home broken into. The first thought that crosses your mind is, “I hope they didn’t get…” what?
That bogus tape I made of all those expensive purchases I sent back. My insurance company needs proof I owned that 92 foot big screen TV; the NASA computer system; and the gourmet deluxe kitchen series if I make a claim on it all.
23) You are in a car accident and the car stereo turns itself to some strange radio station. You are pinned and cannot turn it off, nor change the station. The hours pass as you wait to be rescued…what would you pray you wouldn’t be stuck listening to?
Rush Limbaugh. Damn, I'd probably have a stroke screaming at the radio that he's wrong and why.
24) Find the error in the following sentences:
Whose kangaroo is it who’s pounding Sylvester?
I find it hard to believe a kangaroo could pound Stallone. In fact, put $20 on Stallone in the second for me, okay? But if the kangaroo does win, will he go against Arnie next?
It’s time to go and see Mildred’s famous pony with its colorful wagon full of apples, plums and bananas.
Never heard of Mildred or her famous pony so why should I care about her or the horse she rode in on?
There are some people standing over there by their car.
{waving} "Hi, y'all!". I'm from Kentucky. We're legally required to say "y'all" every so often.
You’re sure that those are your pants?
I have no idea how they got in my glove box.
25) Train A carrying nuclear waste from a power plant to the Nevada desert leaves Station B at 3 AM, traveling at 180 km/hr. Assuming that the distance it must travel is 1600 miles, how long will it take for:
a) a crowd of protesters to lie down on the tracks, tempting fate to prevent it from arriving at its destination?
b) a group of terrorists to either steal it or blow it up near a metropolitan area?
c) certain politicians, blamed for allowing it, to be voted out of office?
Please show all calculations.
I've got a better question... how many of those containers of nuclear waste are leaking radiation?
26) Speaking of blame, whose fault is the war in Iraq?
a) Saddam Hussein
b) Osama bin Laden
c) Bush & Blair
d) Mine
e) God’s
f) Other: ______________________
discuss.
Heh, heh, heh... can't get people on your own Web of Trust so you want everyone to fall off of mine, don't you? Sorry, but it's not working. If anyone cares to ask me privately, I'll answer this one.
27) On a transcontinental flight, you find yourself seated next to a “chatty Cathy”. You’re very tired, but he/she just isn’t getting the message. You speak to the stewardess to see if you can change seats. She tells you that the only other seats available are:
a) next to a screaming baby;
b) next to a passenger whose girth makes it impossible to sit in just one seat;
c) right in the very middle seat, surrounded by a group of people whose religion prohibits bathing;
d) with a group of 8th graders on their first class trip.
What do you do?
Light up a cigarette. That will get me private seating. Of course, it will also get a fine and possible imprisonment, but it beats smacking Chatty Cathy upside the head.
28) Can you identify the following quote:
“You fell victim to one of the classic blunders! The first is never get involved in a land war in Asia, but the second, and only slightly less well known, is this: Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line!”
(for extra credit, give us another…)
Yes, I can identify it. "As you wish"; "We are men of action, lies do not become us."; "INCONCEIVABLE!"; "Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something."; "That is the sound of ultimate suffering."; and my personal favorite: "Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father: prepare to die."
29)True or False: If I weren’t a total Epinions junkie, I wouldn’t have made it this far, much less even dream of answering such annoying questions.
Maybe. There is the distinct possiblity that I just like to read myself type (similar to hear myself talk).
Well, 29 seems good, since no ladies ever attain any age higher than that. Your mission, then, should you choose to accept it, is to have some fun with these questions. If anyone makes up some really good ones in addition to these, I may even add them, although they’ll all have to be 29 too.
Okay, here's a good one I'd love to know the answer to... Why haven't you added laryan to your Web of Trust yet? Essay answers only, please.
Thanks for this opportunity for shameless self-promotion.
 |
|
|
|
|
|
|
Epinions.com ID:
laryan
|
|
Member: Lisa Ryan
Location: Louisville, KY
Reviews written: 281
Trusted by: 249 members
About Me:
Been there, done that, bought the T-shirt, moved on, reviewed it all. Made 7 cents.
|
|
|
© 1999-2009 Shopping.com, Inc.