If you think this write-off is annoying, you obviously never had a younger brother.

Jun 24, 2004

The Bottom Line The bottom line should be stuffed down a toilet too.

I just took out a bottle of wine and tried to pour into my glass before taking the cork out. That should be some indication of my mindset at the moment. You have been fairly warned. This is my entry into Mothra3's Annoying Write-off! My thanks to her for inviting me to join in.

1) What is your full name, including middle and maiden names (if applicable)?

It is? I always thought it was Caroline of Monaco, Ms. Princess. My parents must have been smoking some crazy stuff to name me What What What.

2) Your Social Security number?

Ha! We don't have Social Security numbers in Canada, so there! Canada doesn't number it's citizens, it just stamps the word "hoser" on our foreheads, issues us a touque and a 2-4 of beer and tells us to "take off eh."

3) Credit Card number including expiration date?

If you want a date with me just come right out and ask.

4) Sex? If so, how often?

How kind of you to offer. Pull my nightie down when you're done please.

5) Who is the most annoying member here at Epinions?

I'll let you know when I'm finished inspecting them. Oh, you said is not has.

6) If you could give everyone at Epinions one piece of advice, what would it be?

I tried to find this member called everyone to give him/her/it my sage advice but couldn't locate the person. Perhaps they deleted their account after being cruelly singled out in this write-off?

7) If there were a button in the opinion ratings that said “helpful, but unreadable; please check for errors and resubmit”, would you use it?

We're supposed to rate these things we read? Oh, silly me.

8) If you could invent your own such button, what would it say?

My buttons do not speak unless spoken to, thank you. They are very well trained.

9) What is your most disgusting habit?

Picking my nose and flicking it at people that annoy me.

10) One day you encounter a magical sprite (a faerie, not the soft drink, you son of a silly person!) who offers to let you see yourself as other people see you for just one day. Would you take him up on his offer?

Faeries are male?

11) What is the central struggle at the heart of the novel The Turn of the Screw by Henry James? Discuss.

Was it left or right to loosen the damn thing? I believe a discus is a round object thrown during some pointless game.

12) Quien es mas macho? Lorenzo Lamas o Ricardo Montalban???

Da plane! Da plane!

13) If you could go back in time, what era would you visit and why?

Who says I can't? You thought I kept my youthful looks through miracle creams and plastic surgery?

14) (ok, think Eighties here:) The news comes in that Nuclear Annhilation is at hand. You’ve got one minute to get to your backyard fallout shelter. What three things do you grab on the way?

Well, since I planned ahead, it's already well stocked with the necessities of life such as food that does not require cooking, an endless water supply and as much booze as I can stuff in the place. Therefore, the only thing I need to grab is my ärse just in case something goes wrong and I have to kiss it goodbye.

15) When making salad dressing with Oil, Vinegar, Water and Spices, in what order do they settle (from top to bottom)? No Cheating!!!

But I thought we agreed on an "open" relationship.

16) True or false: some words can be made plural by adding an apostrophe and s.

Depends which apostrophe you mean, there were 12 of them you know.

17) Yellow and Blue make green, but what do Yellow, Cyan and Magenta make???

Ohhhh, so you like three-somes eh.

18) Speaking of colors, they may come close, but according to some experts, you won’t see this color flower in nature. What is it?

Flower was black and white which are not colours. Well, except when he got twitter-pated, then he blushed.

19) How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

For he goes birling down a-down the white water; That's where the log driver learns to step lightly. It's birling down, a-down white water; A log driver's waltz pleases girls completely.

20) You are interviewing for the job of a lifetime in New York City.... blah, blah, blah... You check your fly, but can’t find anything amiss.

My pet fly is not a miss, he is a Mr. That's Mr. Fly to you.

21) Who is the bigger blowhard, Michael Moore or Rush Limbaugh?

I don't care how big they are or how much money they offer, I ain't touching either of them.

22) You return home from vacation to find your home broken into. The first thought that crosses your mind is, “I hope they didn’t get…” what?

A certain cd collection I just stole from someone while they are out of the country.

23) You are in a car accident and the car stereo turns itself to some strange radio station. You are pinned and cannot turn it off, nor change the station. The hours pass as you wait to be rescued…what would you pray you wouldn’t be stuck listening to?

My mother telling me I should have worn clean underwear that day.

24) Find the error in the following sentences:
Whose kangaroo is it who’s pounding Sylvester?

That sounds rather kinky.

It’s time to go and see Mildred’s famous pony with its colorful wagon full of apples, plums and bananas.

Ohhhhhhh it's my dream come true to meet the famous pony. I may faint.

There are some people standing over there by their car.

Kinda dumb aren't they, to be standing up when they could open the doors and sit inside the car?

You’re sure that those are your pants?

Well no, I confess. They aren't original "yours," these are knock-offs I bought at a fraction of the price. My Nike's aren't authentic either.

25) Train A carrying nuclear waste from a power plant to the Nevada desert leaves Station B at 3 AM, traveling at 180 km/hr. Assuming that the distance it must travel is 1600 miles, how long will it take for:

Hold it... first the conductor has to check all the paperwork for the dangerous goods documentation. Then he has to walk the brake test, put on the SBU and test that too, then walk the release and then try and get in touch with the dispatcher. We ain't turning a wheel until at least 6 a.m. at which point they'll cancel us and send us home. Book me 24 hours rest please.

26) Speaking of blame, whose fault is the war in Iraq?

Blame! I'm gonna live forever, I'm gonna learn how to fly, high!

27) On a transcontinental flight, you find yourself seated next to a “chatty Cathy”. You’re very tired, but he/she just isn’t getting the message... blah, blah, blah... What do you do?

I wait until the owner of the doll is looking the other way, then I grab it and run to the washroom. I stuff the doll's head down the toilet and flush, then exit the washroom as if all is normal.

28) Can you identify the following quote:

Yes, that's Bob Quote from Saskatchewan. Everyone knows him.

(for extra credit, give us another…)

Dans dans dans of a Buddha, legs and nipple sh!t.

29)True or False: If I weren’t a total Epinions junkie, I wouldn’t have made it this far, much less even dream of answering such annoying questions.


29eh) Remember, your answer must be in the form of a question. How old will I be on the 25th?

Thank you Alex. Thank you Mothra3 for your invitation to your Annoying Write-off!

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About the Author

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Member: Caroline
Location: London, Ontario, Canada
Reviews written: 66
Trusted by: 94 members
About Me: One day, I might return...