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I Predict That This Write-Off Will Conquer Epinions, Once And For All!Jul 01 '04 Write an essay on this topic.
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The Bottom Line The Bottom Line was kidden, er, kidding.
Trying to swear off these annoying questionnaire write-offs cold turkey is proving to be a tough nut to crack (to mix food-related metaphors). Especially when I am inadvertently causing new ones to pop up left and right. Which is why I feel almost obligated to submit an entry in Hugh_U_Kidden's "Filter of Hugh W/O". I figure I named the damned thing, why not fashion together some snarky comments. After all, I have five minutes to spare. 1) Who do you think you are? Cogito ergo mfunk75. 2) What does it mean when you say "I'm not myself today"; Who are you then? I am myself yesterday. Tomorrow I will by myself today. And the day after that I will be myself tomorrow. Which explains why I'm always late. 3) Can you burp the entire English Alphabet? I can. Though when I get to the end, I burp "zed" instead of "zee". Does that count? 4) Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural? Irony, I'd suspect. 5) What are you wearing right now? A smile, my heart on my sleeve, and out my welcome. 6) What's for dinner tonight? Presumably, some sort of edible concoction. Though that's not always the case. 7) What happens if you put the "This side up" side face down while popping microwave popcorn? Unless you turn the microwave upside down, not much. 8) Have you ever snooped in somebody else's medicine cabinet? Indeed. You know what I found there? Medicine. 9) If you don't pay your exorcist, do you get repossessed? Yes you do. Which is a good thing, because I love pea soup. 10) How much lint do you usually find in your navel? Enough so that the tiny hamlet of Lintopia, after having made their lint houses and their lint roads and their lint rivers and their lint valleys, can spare enough to give me so that I can flick it across the room. With glee. 11) If you had a metal plate in your head, would you worry about rusting? No. I'd worry about finding matching silverware. 12)Can you blow up a balloon under water? I can. Though I'm having a tough time learning how to bend the underwater balloons into animal shapes. I've got the giraffe and the dachshund down, okay. But I'm having trouble capturing the essence and the spirit of the platypus. 13) You're not going to eat THAT, are you? No, but I will eat THIS. 14) If you were on an airplane, and said Hi to a friend whose name is Jack, what would happen to you? Jack would respond with a polite, "Hi, Mike", and we'd return to our processed meals, our in-flight magazines, and our nagging suspicions that machines this large and heavy shouldn't be able to fly through the air. Bernoulli's principle or no Bernoulli's principle. 15) Have you ever called someone on the phone, and just as they answered, you realize you forgot who you are calling? I usually can't get past the point where I've forgotten the phone number. It's less annoying to the person on the other end, that way. 16) How old were you when you learned to tie your shoes? For a long time, my shoes always won. Then, there was a stretch there where we would tie a lot. These days I beat them rather consistently. It's starting to get embarrassing. 17) Do you ever find your nose whistling when you're at an extremely formal dinner? I don't think I've been to an extremely formal dinner. Do they force the guests to bungee jump into the salad bowl? Or pop wheelies in their soup? Or get radical and like totally tubular in the penne pasta? It's hard to imagine anyone noticing my whistling nose with that kind of action going on. 18) Don't you find it weird that we teach our kids the rhyme "Rub a dub dub, three men in a tub"? I find it weird that the butcher and the baker are still on speaking terms with the candlestick-maker. Especially after that nasty business with Prof. Plum in the billiard room. And while we're on the subject, exactly how does one "jump out of a rotten potato", anyway? I'm thinking they used a rather springy pat of butter. 19) Can you burp and fart at the same time? Indeed. While reciting the English Alphabet, from "A" to "Zed". 20) What are those little things on the end of your shoelaces called? Those are my shoes.  |
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