|
|
|
Comment |
Sorted by
Date Written |
One Of The Saddest Stories I've Ever Read On This Subject. . . (Reply to this comment)
by AinsleyJo
. . .was one about a woman expecting twins. One of her twins was found to be DS.
This was after the child was already in a well-developed fetus form--almost like a newborn baby.
She wanted her other son but didn't want the one with DS, so she had the doctor to execute him by stabbing him to death while he was still in the womb.
The story ended in telling how, a month or two later, two twin sons came out: one dead and one alive and "perfect" and how she and her husband were so happy to have him.
Made me wonder what would happen should this "perfect" son at some time announce that he was gay or in some other way became a "disappointment" to his parents.
I suspected that--especially, if they had more kids in the years to come--they just might end up disowning him!
Or else making him feel inferior if he would, for example, decide that he liked cooking better than sports or decided that he would rather have a career in fast-food rather than going to college.
I'm not out to judge people for terminating a pregnancy they feel that they're not ready for--though I would put an early deadline on how long they had to make that decision--but, like you, I wish that some people wouldn't be so quick to write off a child just because it's been discovered that he/she is going to have some special needs to cope with!
Blessings!
AJ :o)
|
Aug 14 '04
3:05 am PDT
|
|
Re: Re: PLEASE don't suggest that ...... (Reply to this comment)
by KMINER,  in Kids & Family
I like the way you responded to comments you knew you were going to get.
Everyone is entitled to their opinion. I am more in agreement with you - I did not have any testing done because I didn't want to know anything. However our child came out he was still "coming" and would be ours. No matter what.
I say that from the background of a teacher of children with special needs, some so severe that I've had comments from the general population as to why the child is even there. I have yet to meet an "un-teachable" child - you'd be amazed at what is "in there" and what they "can do".
I have also had friends test and be told their child would have Down Syndrome, only to blessed with a perfectly healthy, non Down baby.
Interesting read - Kimm
|
Jul 02 '04
10:39 am PDT
|
|
Hi (Reply to this comment)
by logimom
Our youngest child was a product of months of hard work at in-vitro. Because of my age (35 at the time), my doc wanted me to have amnio. We talked with the geneticist and discussed the possibilities as well as the alternatives. The pregnancy was being treated as fragile (which was fine with me), and we opted to go with the level 2 sonogram before considering amnio. We agreed (hubby, doc, geneticist, and I) that if anything looked the slightest bit off on the sono, that we would go ahead with the amnio.
Turns out the sono was perfect, so the docs felt comfortable foregoing the amnio. Just to be extra safe, we had another level 2 sono later on, with the same rules in place.
We now have a very healthy and happy little boy, whom we would love and care for just the same no matter what.
Thanks for writing such an informed piece.
Donna
|
Jul 01 '04
5:14 pm PDT
|
|
Re: Re: PLEASE don't suggest that "perhaps it would be best for ME not to have children." (Reply to this comment)
by bonzobean
Having done pregnancy counseling and also having been PRESSURED to have an abortion because of pregnancy-related issues and Down Syndrome, I wholeheartedly agree with you. One reason there are so many post-abortion support groups is that many women did NOT have needed information and made the decision to support under duress. With one out of three babies being aborted (one out of two if the baby happens to be black), I'd say we have a lot of MISINFORMATION out there and I've counseled plenty of women who have said they'd have no problem aborting for deformities (heck, we have abortions for cleft lips here). Those reasons for the amnio certainly exist but other women use the test simply for knowledge on how to HELP their child if necessary. I'm just thankful that abortion has never even been a consideration for me and my five-year-old son is here because I didn't listen to the docs or geneticist.
I applaud you for writing this Epinion on what I know is a passionate issue for you.
Bonzo =)
|
Jul 01 '04
2:27 pm PDT
|
|
Re: PLEASE don't suggest that "perhaps it would be best for ME not to have children." (Reply to this comment)
by bruinmom
I knew when I wrote this that I would get some unhappy responses to my statements. I want to clarify what prompted me to include that paragraph. You may believe most women don't choose termination lightly. I used to feel the same way but I have come to feel otherwise. There are a great many people out there who use amnio to determine whehter or not they will become a parent. They go in knowing they will abort a baby with any abnormalities. I have had this said to me by many people, including women who aren't even pregnant yet. Roughly 80% of babies with Down syndrome are aborted. These people are doing so because they are afraid to parent a child who is different and they are ignorant about what life with Down syndrome (or other defects)is really like. I am happy your friend got the desired outcome, but it breaks my heart to think the baby would have been terminated because it had special needs. If the risk was so high, she could have adopted to be sure, or put the baby up for adoption at birth. I also have a higher risk of having another special needs child. We have weighed that risk carefully and the decision to get pregnant again is one we made accepting that we might have another special needs baby. If we felt we couldn't handle it, we wouldn't get pregnant. I think situations like yours are not the norm. I am addressing the more prevalent attitude I have repeatedly encountered, as I just described. Too many people are willing to terminate a growing life, just becasue it isn't "perfect," and am both saddened and angered by THAT thinking, and I really felt that what I said needed to be said to that group of people.
|
Jul 01 '04
8:54 am PDT
|
|
Re: Wow! (Reply to this comment)
by bruinmom
HI Mary - I believe the statistics are 1%. Roughly one percent of patients who undergo amniocentesis will have a miscarriage. When the time arrives, you have to weigh that risk for yourself. Some people I know had a real sense that the risk was too high, and it probably would have been dangerous to have it. When we did it we had a very calm feeling about it, like we knew it wouldn't cause any problems. So trust your instincts, and make your decision when the time is right.
Thanks for you comment!
|
Jul 01 '04
8:28 am PDT
|
|
Hi... (Reply to this comment)
by Lisa_J
You share helpful information about the medical procedures and entwine personal opinion too. Thank you for taking time to share both your opinion and factual information about testing options.
Lisa :)
|
Jul 01 '04
8:10 am PDT
|
|
I only wish (Reply to this comment)
by laweiler1
That this test was offered to me 7 years ago. My daughter was born with a congenital heart defect, needless to say the shock was over bearing for a long time. This would of allowed for us to prepare for it.
Thanks for sucha wonderful review.
LAW
|
Jul 01 '04
8:00 am PDT
|
|
PLEASE don't suggest that "perhaps it would be best for ME not to have children." (Reply to this comment)
by vbfc
I respect your decision to share your experience with our community, but I have to take issue with one of your statements
You wrote "To group A, I would simply make the bold suggestion that you consider not having children at all. If people are so afraid of having a child with special needs (and let’s be honest, that decision is one based primarily on fear), then perhaps it would be best for them not to have children."
You explained that "Group A are those who use prenatal testing to decide whether or not to continue a pregnancy. These are the people who will terminate a pregnancy if something is “wrong” with the baby."
No woman choose to terminate a pregnancy on a whim. Most women do not make this decision easily of lightly. In fact, many women make this decision after careful and thoughtful consultation with their family, friends and clergy.
For some women having more than one special needs child can be overwhelming. I counseled a young woman with a son who has special needs. Her chances of having a second son with the same condition were 75% or greater. If she had a daughter chances were 1 in 1000 that she would be afflicted. This young woman did not think she or her marriage could survive a 2nd son. She had an amnio and was elated to discover she was carrying a healthy daughter.
I had an amnio just one year ago after having complicated uterine surgery while 16 weeks pregnant with my 3rd child. I most assuredly fall into Group A. I had the amnio to access the health of the fetus. No one (medical or spiritual) could predict how this wanted pregnancy would fare during and after the surgery. There were a lot of "things" that could have been "wrong" - and the amnio was one tool my husband and I chose to use to evaluate whether or not to continue the pregnancy.
Our decision making process was not based in fear as you suggest - but rather the medical reality that the fetus could have been affected by my 8.5 lb tumor, the anesthesia I had to have to undergo surgery and the difficult recovery I endured.
I turned to my family, my doctors and my GOD to make the right decision for ME.
Thanks for your epinion - but please don't suggest that "perhaps it would be best for ME not to have children." I am a damm great mom and would be even if I had not continued this troubled pregnancy.
I look forward to more of your epinions. Good luck with your parenting.
vb
|
Jul 01 '04
12:02 am PDT
|
|
Excellent Editorial! (Reply to this comment)
by bonzobean
I had a high risk of miscarriage and found some women who miscarried due to the amnio so I decided against it for both my pregnancies but I firmly believe if the stress of not knowing will overwhelm you, the amnio makes sense. I am also very pro-AFP but I believe that test saved my baby's life. Thank God for modern medicine and thank you for sharing some very valuable information.
Bonzo =)
|
Jun 30 '04
5:33 pm PDT
|
|
Wow! (Reply to this comment)
by marybatson
Excellent advice! Well-written, and informational too.
I have already decided to have an amnio if I'm lucky enough to conceive again for the very reasons you did. I've done some research on the stats, but do you know what the risks are to the pregnancy when having an amnio?
Mary :)
|
Jun 30 '04
5:23 pm PDT
|
|
|
|
© 1999-2009 Shopping.com, Inc.