Announcement: The Excellent and the Excruciating Write-Off is now open.
Jul 03 '04 (Updated Feb 03 '05)
The Bottom Line You all know Excellent and Excruciating when you see them. Now tell us about it.
Apparently it’s de rigeur when one breaks 100 reviews (much nicer than breaking wind, I must say) to host a Write-Off of some description. Birdfeather did it most recently, with an Epinions-themed write-off which I didn’t enter. Not that I’m above entering write-offs or anything. A quick perusal of my review history shows at least a couple of write-off entries that may or may not have much merit. I think I have a bad habit of entering write-offs when I’ve had a couple of drinks. Regardless, this particular editorial has absolutely nothing to do with the write-offs I did or did not enter in the past, and everything (ostensibly) to do with a write-off that I intend to host in the future. Scratch that. I should say, it has everything (ostensibly) to do with a write-off that I intend to co-host in the future.
“Why co-host?” you may ask.
“Well,” I may say, “it’s mainly because I have a wicked inferiority complex, and have to ride on the coattails of a more established reviewer in order to feel as though my first write-off was any sort of success.” This is not to say that the success (or lack thereof) of my first write-off has anything to do with my overall self-esteem. It doesn’t, really. Well, perhaps a little bit. Oh, okay, I’ll feel like a total failure if I don’t get at least three hundred people to participate. Sorry, that’s a lie. I only need two hundred to feel like I’ve succeeded.
Damn, I get long-winded when I’ve had a few. Maybe this is what the Friday Night Ramble was all about…
Get to the Write-Off Announcement, Moron!
I suppose at this point it would be Very Helpful to elucidate the nature of the write-off I am co-hosting. Well, in a nutshell, it is a pistachio. Outside of a nutshell, it bears the intriguing and fascinating title The Excellent and the Excruciating Write-Off (the E&E W-O for short).
“What the hell is that?” you may ask.
“Well,” I may say, “it’s a write-off in which you will be challenged to write not one, but two reviews.”
“Why two reviews?” you may ask.
“Well,” I may say, “it’s because I and my co-host would like this write-off to be one which pushes people to the limits of their literary ability.”
You see, the idea of this write-of cropped up in the comment section of my review on McDonald’s. I was so overwhelmingly uncomplimentary to the “Golden Arches” that the good Cap’n wondered whether it would be enjoyable to co-host a write-off predicated upon the most eloquently excoriating review of a certain product. After a while, and a couple of e-mail back-and-forths later, we came up with the idea of a double-pronged write-off. What if (we said to each other) we co-hosted a write-off that coerced, cajoled, and conned people into writing two reviews? Given the fact that we’re co-hosting the write-off, we also decided on co-posting the rules. Thus, I shall elucidate the nature of the Excellent review, and CaptainD will pontificate on the nature of the Excruciating review.
So What’s With the Excellent Review?
Among the plebeian masses of Epinions.com there are a goodly number of wonderfully eloquent folk. These online literary luminaries have a wondrous gift, in that they can cut quickly and incisively to the core issue of whatever they may be reviewing. Often, their talents are turned toward things like book and film reviews, which seem to allow more in the way of thematic analysis and insight than, say, a review on Rubbermaid containers. Of course, scintillating reviews on travel, restaurants, and alcohols have been known to appear from time to time. Therefore, in the spirit of the inspired souls that generate these little literary gems, I challenge any and all comers to emulate their eloquence.
How can this be accomplished, one might wonder? Essentially, the idea of this write-off is to challenge myself, the Cap’n, and anyone else who’s interested, to stretch their writing muscles in a couple of directions. One direction we would like to stretch in is up. Yes, up. We wish to locate the height, the pinnacle, the summit of excellence in literature, film, travel, hotel, beer, technology, and whatever other categories come to mind, and to write a review about it. The product or experience to be reviewed must be an unequivocal five-star affair (no four-point-five stars rounded up, here!). If your passion lies in the literary arena, we want reviews of Pulitzer Prize winners, poet laureates, and brilliant writers of all persuasions. If your passion lies in the realm of film, we want reviews of Academy Award winners, of art-house gems, of forgotten masterpieces, of Tarkovsky, Kubrick, and Welles. I may be displaying my inherent biases by the examples I offer here, but the bottom line is this: write a review of the most Excellent thing you have access to, and make it as eloquent as possible.
Eloquence, we understand, is a subjective quality. Let it be known, though, that a lot of large words do not eloquence make. There are many who, without the use of multi-syllabic adjectives, can cause their heart and soul to shine through in their writing. Frankly, we don’t care what kind of words you use. We do, however, want to care for what you are writing about. We want to be made to care, by the power of your words, and how you present them. If whatever you are reviewing made you feel something, we want to feel it too. Make us feel it. Make us care.
So What’s With the Excruciating Review?
Much as I would have loved to write this portion of the write-off announcement, my compatriot drew that particular straw. By all means, see what he has to say here.
The Bottom Line
Anyone can answer a few questions about themselves. That’s probably why the Twenty-Questions write-offs are so popular. I like them because I can do them after I’ve had a few drinks, which is always more fun than writing book reviews after a few. This is not one of those write-offs. This write-off is one designed to challenge the participants, to inspire them to achieve a little bit more than normal in their writing. It is also designed to be fun, in that writing one-star reviews (see the Cap’n’s announcement) is always an entertaining process. If you feel like stretching a bit, join us. If you feel like raising the overall level of writing on the site, join us. Feel free to comment in either review and let us know of your desire to participate, and we’ll make sure there’s a link somewhere to your review (in our Epinions or on our profile pages hasn’t yet been determined). And, lastly, enjoy yourself. Writing is supposed to be fun. We just want to make it better fun.
The Rules (or the Boring Stuff)
Hosted by: Yours truly, slarter, and CaptainD.
Dates: Aug. 2nd - 28th
Rules:
1. Must post both reviews in the same category.
2. Only one- and five-star reviews, please.
3. Let us know if you're participating so we can add your link.
4. I'm sure I'll come up with a fourth rule eventually.
Cheers!
© SL, 2004
Update: The links to all of the Excellent reviews will show up on my profile page. The good Cap'n will be keeping track of the Excruciating entries in his write-off announcement. Links to each of those places are somewhere in the above announcement, I think.
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Epinions.com ID:
slarter
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Reviews written: 131
Trusted by: 126 members
About Me:
You live, you learn...
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