A bed & breakfast is the Russian roulette of the traveler. At one location you would be walking into a beautifully kept home with the cosmic twin of Anthony Bourdain preparing your meal, and right down the road is a 99 year old couple with a spare bedroom filled with mold and withering teddy bears and a crock-pot full of some kind of egg-like substance.

If the B&B is suited to board several guests at one time, you have the added stress of having to possibly endure obnoxious morning conversation with people you would cross the street to avoid, and pass the toast to people you wanted to believe didn't exist in your world. Unfortunately, all one has to go on before choosing any of these places are a few blurry pictures, a badly designed website that plays music and crashes your browser, and (if you are lucky) some good word-of-mouth that you are not about to spend money on the TeddyBates Motel.

It was with this cynical disposition that I was a bit apprehensive when my mother decided she wanted to stay at the Coast Inn Bed and Breakfast in Lincoln City, Oregon over Labor Day weekend. There are a lot of B&B's along the Oregon coastline, increasing the probability to end up somewhere horrible, but my mom assured me that she checked out the website and it was, "A very nice place to stay."

I combed over the aforementioned website. The overall look of the site was modern and readable. I didn't see any porcelain dolls in the photographs- in fact the rooms looked bright and artistic. No doilies, either, although there was the promise of art quilts, which evoke memories of that snooze-inducing PBS show, Quilting With Nancy, but I figured quilts are generally easier to ignore than cob webs and pseudo Victorian-era knickknacks. I was feeling a bit better. My mom had booked the Kenai Lake Suite, which was actually one large room divided into two rooms. While it seemed unfortunate that we wouldn't be directly on the beach, I was intrigued at the part of the website that said:

Healthy gourmet hot breakfast, which may include Dungeness Crab Caramelized Onion Frittata, Oatmeal Hazelnut Waffles, Oregon Marionberry Scones or Orange Buttermilk Breakfast Biscuits, a fresh fruit platter, and fresh ground gourmet coffee, is served on the ocean view deck or in the dining room.

As far as I was concerned, dungeness crab caramelized onion frittata could be served at a B&B in the middle of Chernobyl, and I would still be happy. I only now notice the may part. But I will get to that later.

We arrived at the B&B only a few moments after check in time. My first impression of the house was that it was being intentionally coy. Parking was a bit scarce, but we were not on a main street and there were a lot of cars parked on the side of the road. From the front it appears to be a single story, rather typical ranch-style bode. It is only as you start to walk closer that you understand that someone has built this place into a true artistic retreat. You know those artsy folk who can pick out items from a garage sale and arrange in their yard and somehow it looks good? That would be the owner, using mismatched pots and an old bicycle to set the eclectic, but not messy tone.
We didn't even make it onto the front step when a woman greeted us at the door. She said hello to all of us by our first names and informed us that the owner had to make a trip up to Seattle due to the birth of her grandchild. It was a forgivable offense, because she summed up her greeting promising us brownies and wine on the balcony after she swiped our credit card and we put our belongings into our room.

The downstairs interior of the house is that brightly colored beach eccentricity you have seen in magazines before, but did not think it existed in the real world. Bright shades of salmon and green set a background for dozens of expertly placed art glass, collectibles, and books. Quilts adorned the walls and I could see a marvelous sun room filled with comfy chairs and large windows that gave way to a grand view of the ocean. The dining room had vivid green accents, hand painted chairs, and a shop-able display of the owner's art glass. If there was one downside to all of this picturesque creativity is that everything was so well placed I was afraid to touch anything, should some unseen photographer run in and yell at me for ruining his set. I would not bring kids to the Coast Inn; it has quiet couple retreat written all over it.

We were shown to our rooms. My mother's space had a nice bed facing a large window and a door to a balcony where she could view the ocean. There was a microwave and a refrigerator filled with water, and there were chocolates placed here and there around the space. Everything was very clean and after a three hour car ride with Labor Day Weekend traffic, the bed looked very inviting. My area had a television set into to the wall rather high above the closet door. There was a fireplace, one window, a quilt that I later decided depicted blooming cactus, and a basket full of decorating magazines. While the use of color in the downstairs area was not as present in these upper rooms, the overall effect in our suite was not completely blah or so ocean-kitschy as to be offensive.

Back to the brownies. We walked downstairs to find a spread on the table of salmon, cheese, wine, lemonade, and brownies. We were allowed to take what we wanted and sit out on the patio, which featured a high table and chairs that were placed to give an amazing view of the ocean. I don't know if the brownies, lemonade, and gorgeous ocean view was worth the admission price (just under $200.00) by themselves, but if I am ever in Lincoln City and need to stay overnight, I will remember the very yummy brownie when booking a place to stay for the evening. Amazing dark chocolaty goodness. We finished our snack and decided to head out. As we departed to explore the town, our host asked us what time we wanted breakfast, which I thought was nice because other places I have stayed simply remind you what time you need to be at the table or else you are missing the food entirely.

After a day of driving and walking around, it felt good to return to The Coast Inn. It felt more like going to my own beach retreat then going to some crowded hotel with screaming children and loud partiers. That night I looked over the decorating magazines and feasted on a leftover brownie I snuck from the kitchen. I set the alarm and watched something on the television. I saw that there were a few DVDs I could have played, but the TV/DVD combo is mounted so high that I could not have put one in had I wanted to.

If I had one issue with the room, it was that my window did not seem to fully open, and I was missing out on all of that great ocean air. Even at 10:00 pm, the room was still a bit stuffy. The bed was very comfy; except for the lack of air I had no problem falling quickly asleep. There were no strange creaky house noises, no loud cars crashing into the house at 3:00 am and I could not hear the snoring of any of the other house guests.

In the morning I grabbed the robe that was hanging in my closet and went down the hallway to the bathroom. The upstairs bathroom is part of the suite, but it is not connected to the bedroom. Exhibitionist travelers might enjoy giving visitors a show as they streak across the opening to the stairs which give a full view of the entryway at the bottom. I was happy there was a robe.

The bathroom is where the fantasy starts to fall apart. The overall look of the bathroom is nice, and there is a basket of random samples and travel-sized materials for the picking. There were ample towels and lighting. The sink, while small, was very clean, and the mirror was streak-free. The bathtub was another story. The tub was constructed with that horrible material that is unclean-able, and so you feel like you are stepping into the dirt of a thousand unclean visitors. I has a horrible time trying to navigate the tap so that hot water actually came out of it. I was later informed that you have to wait A Long Time before the hot water shows up. Knowing this, or just seeing a sign in the bathroom near the tub would have simplified my efforts greatly, instead of leaving me to screw around with the controls until giving in and taking a lukewarm shower.

I was ready just in time for breakfast. I was very excited at the notion of crab frittata. Full disclosure: I had not shut up about my excitement of the looming crabby breakfast since my mom booked the room and I read the words on the website. Unfortunately, crab anything was not on the menu. The crabby goodness had been replaced by a vegetable version (artichoke hearts and mushroom), and the orange biscuits were exchanged for apple muffins. All of this was prepared with the flair of a great cook, but I was all set for one thing and got a bunch of things I only half like. Less picky eaters would have no problem eating the ham or the vegetable frittata, or drinking the pomegranate juice, and I completely take the blame for my failure to comprehend the word, may from the description on the website. I would be more bitter, but the brownies were very good.

Our breakfast mates were the only other people staying that Sunday night, and while they were not unpleasant in the least to speak with, I think if I were to stay there again I would opt for the breakfast to be brought up to me. If only so no one will have to look at my horror over the discovery of artichoke hearts in my food.

We signed the guest book, said goodbye to our hostess, gathered our things, and departed. I found myself thinking of times of the year I would like to go back and stay there; I would love to sit in the sun room and watch a winter storm pour in, or stay there on a week-long trip down Highway 101.

I would also like to give a special mention to the hostess, who, besides having our names memorized and being an excellent cook, seemed to have a sixth sense on when we felt like conversing with a total stranger and when we were feeling reclusive.

My finicky taste buds and lackluster bath tub aside, I will recommend the Coast Inn Bed And Breakfast. Lincoln City is not my favorite place on the Oregon Coast, and I wish so very much the owner could have chosen to open this place in Cannon Beach. For the price and the upscale, artsy atmosphere, I give major brownie points to the Coast Inn's creator. And I give more points for the brownies.


Recommended: Yes