Roommates 101: The Compulsive Masturbator
Aug 05 '04 (Updated Aug 26 '04)
The Bottom Line College life can be difficult. Be prepared for dealing with your roommate.
College is one of the most exciting times in a person’s life. The freedom, the parties, the new friends, the road trips, the all-nighters; living on campus is a one-of-a-kind experience. However, college life also includes the bad - such as cafeteria food ninety percent of the time, using a public bathroom shared by thirty other people, and sharing a tiny space with another person.
When I received my roommate information in the mail, I was thrilled. Tanya was from the Chicago area, almost a year older than me, and into the same things. Or so the computer matching process had said. But I had thought Tanya and I would become the best of friends. We could study together, party together, and nurse hangovers together. Maybe she could show me Chicago, and I could show her St. Louis. We could share clothes, shop together, watch old movies, and take classes together.
None of this happened. When I arrived on campus, eager to start my new life, Tanya had already moved in. She was in the band and was required to move in a week early as the band had to practice for the Welcome ceremony. When I entered the room, it was a mess. Her clothes were strewn about, empty and full boxes pilled atop her desk AND my desk. Who is this girl that, knowing I was arriving that day, to leave this place such a disaster and to use MY DESK. It had started before I had even met her.
I found a little note attached to my bed that read, “I have band practice then the ceremony today. I will not be back to late tonight. Don’t wait up for me”. Wait up for her? Hello, she had left her mother at home, didn’t she? What makes her think that I will not have anything better to do than to wait up for her? And there was not even a “Sorry about the mess”. I spent the rest of the day unpacking and meeting a few of the girls on the floor.
I did happen to go to bed early, as I had gotten up at 4:00 A.M. that morning. It was a little after midnight that I dosed off. About an hour later she waltzed in, slamming the door. I woke up, and she told me to go back to bed. Go back to bed? Why is this girl, whom I have not even spoke to before, demanding me to go to bed? Of course, I did not. I had to meet this room trashing, door slamming, and mother-talking girl. We chatted for a few hours before falling asleep. I already wanted to go back home.
Throughout the semester things never got better. She lectured me on everything, let other people use our room for illegal purposes while I was in the library, took control of my television, and would not even let me touch her computer. We argued, we fought, and we strongly disliked each other. For the majority of our time together in that dorm room, we both did our best to avoid one another. Towards the end of our first semester, I made plans to switch rooms. Debbie would be such a better roommate. We got along and we actually did have similar interests. Everything would be fine then, or so I believed. Then, after the Christmas break, I learned things would not be so great with Debbie either.
The same problems quickly arouse. She wanted to use everything of mine but did not want to share her things. If she wanted to study, I was to be quiet. If I wanted to study, she thought it was fine to invite people over. We began arguing. And we fought. And Debbie and I, too, did our best to avoid each other. Then I found out something. The kind of something that a person would like to not know. The kind of something that will taunt you for the rest of your life. I awoke early one morning to find her sitting on her bed, completely naked, masturbating. Eeewww! Soon afterward I realized she did this a lot. And I do mean a lot. She would lock the door as soon as I would leave. If I tried to come back in after a few minutes, it would take her awhile to unlock the door. If I had my key, she would yell at me to wait a minute. I knew what she was doing, and just hoping she was not doing it on my bed.
I kept one friend from my days away at college. Needless to say I never lived with her and we always, and still do, get along greatly. We had little names for everyone on the floor. The name for Debbie - the compulsive masturbator. Many girls on the floor referred to her that way. And I do not believe any girls on the floor ever made a good friendship out of their roommates.
So, my first bit of advice, and the most important, is Do not try to make friends with your roommate. You were placed together by a computer matching process based upon a short questionnaire. You will not share the same interests, attitudes, and considerations as your roommate. It is easy for a month, maybe even two, to try your hardest to be friendly with this complete stranger you now live with. But this person will do many things that you do not like. They will eat your last can of Spaghetti-O’s and leave the trash for you to clean up. They will blast their country music knowing you cannot stand country music. They will demand you give up watching the just-released thriller movie you have been waiting for so that they can watch their soap opera. And, if they are sneaky enough, as Tanya once did to me, they will even try to throw a few of their dirty clothes into your clothes basket when they know you are going to do laundry.
My mother always told me an old saying, which I found did not always work. Treat others as you which to be treated, and my addition to this advice, but do not except to be treated the same in return. While you should give the up most respect to your roommate, do not be surprised when they do not share that respect for you. You will politely ask to borrow that designer blouse to wear out; they will not so politely take that blouse and inform you later. You will ask if they mind you having overnight company for the weekend, and they will let you know about their overnight company as they are setting up blankets on the floor. Tanya even let someone sleep in my bed! I did not even know all these people were coming, and I arrived home late at night to find someone in my bed. Had I drank anymore that night I may not even have noticed until I was in the bed. Luckily for me, the girl I went drinking with offered her bed, as she had a single room and two beds pulled together. We separated them and I crashed on the one.
It took me weeks before I could speak up to either of my roommates. I believed if I tried harder to tolerate things or if I let her eat all my food and watch my television non-stop that maybe I could use her computer when the computer lab was full and I had a paper due. But it never worked. The quieter I was, the more she took advantage. So, speak up to your roommate. If they are treating you unfairly, be sure to tell them that you will not tolerate it. If they do not give you respect, let them know they are not getting yours.
If you are paired with someone that you get along with, that is great. It is beyond great. Try to make a life-long friendship with that roommate. Though conflicts will arise, many can be solved if you share a mutual respect for one another. But if you are like the majority of the rest of us, mutual respect will end after a few weeks together. Do not fret about losing a friend, as they will be tons of other people on your floor and in your hall and even in other halls that you can become friends with, and never have to live with. College and college life can be very trying on a person. Trying to befriend a roommate that you other could not stand simply because you share a bedroom will make everything harder. Do not bottle up anger and resentment when it comes to dealing with your roommate. Let them know what is bothering you upfront and quickly. Maybe the problem can be easily resolved. And give them a chance to vent, too. They will probably have some things to say about you, too.
When left the choice, which would you rather have - a friend that takes advantage of you and being unhappy in your own room OR one less friend and being happy with your dorm life.
I am glad to have inspired Candice923 to write College 101: Have Sex On Your Own Bed!!!, detailing some of her wild college roommate experiences. Be sure to check it out!
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