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Roommates 101: The Compulsive Masturbator
by brandi_jean | Aug 05 '04
College life can be difficult. Be prepared for dealing with your roommate.

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Comments on Roommates 101: The Compulsive Masturbator" (30 total) View all
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Date Written
Re: A really funny story! (Reply to this comment)
by DavidK93
I'm confused. How did he get in your room?

--David
Sep 09 '04
9:39 pm PDT

A really funny story! (Reply to this comment)
by Horswispr
I had a similar experience, but it wasn't repeated. I'd left my dorm room and realized I had forgotten a book I need. Returned to find the guy from down the hall spanking his monkey in the worst way. I quickly left, but the poor guy couldn't look me in the eye for weeks. And so it goes.

--Horse

Sep 05 '04
11:59 am PDT

I Loooooooooooove To Masturbate!!! (Reply to this comment)
by AinsleyJo
However, I can't imagine doing this while rooming with someone with said roomie in the same room.

Other than sharing this experience with the one you're masturbating over (when it's consensual--not like 29th_Candidate finds me sitting on his doorstep masturbating over him whether he wants me there or not), I think this should be a private thing to be doing.

I remember back in 1977 when I was in graduate school and was head-over-heels in love with this guy, and I was reading in the university library one time and got to thinking of him.

And I got so horny that I was about to explode--but there was no sort of private place to go, so I just had to remain frustrated until I got home after class that night and locked the door to my bedroom and thought about this incredible studmuffin!!!

Have you ever watched this movie (horror) called Urban Legends?

I watched it a couple of times this summer when it came on TV, and I think you might like it--especially, the storyline of the goth girl having sex with her roomie in the room!

Cheers!
AJ :o)
Aug 23 '04
8:56 pm PDT

Re: MUAHAHAHAHAHA!!! (Reply to this comment)
by brandi_jean
I am trying to figure out what is worse - yours having sex on your bed or mine masturbating on my bed. And, though it was bad, it does make for excellent stories.

Thanks Candice!
Brandi
Aug 19 '04
9:52 pm PDT

MUAHAHAHAHAHA!!! (Reply to this comment)
by Candice923
Oh my GOD!!! This is an AWESOME essay!!!! Sorry you had such horrible experiences. But, darn, that was just great to read.

Cheers,
Candice
Aug 18 '04
9:25 pm PDT

Re: In four years, I went through seven roommates! (Reply to this comment)
by brandi_jean
I think you must hold some sort of record for all that. So many roommates, I would have lost it. Thanks for sharing!

Brandi
Aug 17 '04
3:18 pm PDT

Re: Great Read (Reply to this comment)
by brandi_jean
Yeah, I have heard a lot about people becoming friends only after they no longer live together. Glad to see that your last two years went good!

Thanks Dave!!
Brandi
Aug 17 '04
3:14 pm PDT

Re: This was a great read... (Reply to this comment)
by brandi_jean
"We get hurt because we have good hearts. People see that and take advantage of us."

Your mom says it well. I wish you all the best next year. And at least you have time to prepare yourself for what lies ahead. I was naive.

Thanks Danielle!
Brandi
Aug 17 '04
3:07 pm PDT

In four years, I went through seven roommates! (Reply to this comment)
by knotheadusc
The first one lasted only one week and then I moved out. The second one joined a sorority and moved in with her "sisters" (oddly enough she had the same name as my first roommate; she just spelled it differently). The third one was a total nightmare-- I just moved in with her because I was too shy to find a roommate on my own. During that year, my fourth roommate moved in because she and her roommate had been busted for pot and she had to find a new place to live. She moved out after a semester because she had lived with my skanky third roommate the year before and didn't want to anymore-- AND she also got suspended for academic and disciplinary reasons. My fifth roommate and I got along great and are still friends to this day. She graduated though, so then I ended up with roommate number six, who was only around for a few weeks because she had to student teach and was in so much demand that she stayed on. My seventh roommate and I got along fine. I let her move in with me because I felt sorry for her.

Believe it or not, even with all these roommates, I actually lived alone for two semesters!
Aug 16 '04
8:21 am PDT

Great Read (Reply to this comment)
by krus54
I really enjoyed reading this.

I've been out of college for quite a while, but after reading this it made my college experiences seem like yesterday.

My first two years of roommates were a disaster. First year was with this senior whose friend didn't get signed up quickly enough so they got into separate dorms. I was asked politely to move out, but I politely refused. He eventually got his way during second semester. Our dorms were suite style: 3 bedrooms, living room and bathroom). One of the other guys in the suite had his roommate transfer out. Freshman were not allowed to have their own rooms so I was told to move in with him.

Second year I was assigned a freshman who loved to party and get drunk. He had no consideration at 3 am when I was sleeping to come in and make lots of noise. After that year, we became pretty good friends, though!

Last two years were great. I had this guy who called himself the Italian Stallion. He was a great guy and best of all, he spent most of the two years living with his girl friend elsewhere on campus so I pretty much had my own room. :-)

Dave
Aug 16 '04
4:57 am PDT

This was a great read... (Reply to this comment)
by Twix109
Next year I will be a freshman in college and will most likely be dorming somewhere. It is definitely going to be a slap in the face to share a room with someone. I've always had my own room and love my own privacy -- now I am going to give all of that up... *sigh*

Hopefully I'll get a roomate that goes home every weekend or something and is clean, friendly, and I can relate to... I think I am asking too much.

Like my mom tells me, "We get hurt because we have good hearts. People see that and take advantage of us."

I think she's right, and so are you...

Danielle
Aug 15 '04
10:22 am PDT

Re: I roomed with some characters (Reply to this comment)
by brandi_jean
Fortunately, when we stopped being roommates, we ended up getting along a lot better

That's cool. Tanya and I never became friends, but still talked after our first semester of living together. She was much more tolerable then!!

Thanks!
Brandi
Aug 09 '04
10:02 pm PDT

Re: Almost... (Reply to this comment)
by brandi_jean
LOL. It was quite an experience!!

Thanks!
Brandi
Aug 09 '04
9:59 pm PDT

Re: wow.... (Reply to this comment)
by brandi_jean
That is great that you guys have stayed friends for so long! I am still friends with one girl from college, never a roommate though.

you do have a good chance of making one of your roommates a friend for a long time

True, though I would not say a good chance, but there is a chance. I am glad that yours worked out for you!

Thanks!
Brandi
Aug 09 '04
9:58 pm PDT

Re: Study Abroad experiences.... (Reply to this comment)
by brandi_jean
Yeah, Debbie always ate all my food too, though that was minor to the other things she did.

That really sucks that he put you down for being American. You should have given him an American can of whoop-*ss. What a great opportunity, though, to get to go to Spain!

Thanks!
Brandi
Aug 09 '04
9:54 pm PDT

Re: --- (Reply to this comment)
by brandi_jean
Very, very true!

Thanks!
Brandi
Aug 09 '04
9:50 pm PDT

I roomed with some characters (Reply to this comment)
by bobbo428
I can recall rooming with some characters. I often wound up rooming with the guys who had an endless parade of girls calling on them. One night a roommate had a one-night stand with a girl in our room--and didn't even bother to ask me. In addition, he would have 4 AM parties in our room. That semester I had a sore throat for two months straight because rooming with him was so stressful.

Fortunately, when we stopped being roommates, we ended up getting along a lot better.
Aug 09 '04
1:51 pm PDT

Almost... (Reply to this comment)
by bodashe
...makes me glad I didn't go to college. Almost.

Bowie
Aug 09 '04
1:31 pm PDT

wow.... (Reply to this comment)
by three_ster, three_ster is an Advisor on Epinions in Education
Some bad experiences that you had there. I did not have a "bad" roommate while attending college, but I did enjoy living alone much more than I did living with someone else sleeping inches away from me at night.

Great review as always, but one thing I would say is that you do have a good chance of making one of your roommates a friend for a long time. I have one that I still talk to 7 years after being his roommate.

--Ryan (three_ster)
Aug 09 '04
7:43 am PDT

Study Abroad experiences.... (Reply to this comment)
by alexdg1
I went to community college and commuted from home, so I didn't have the roommate problem Stateside.

I did, however, participate in a Semester in Spain study abroad program in Seville, and I had two Spanish roomies.

Demetrio, the oldest, was in his 30s and partied all night at other places, so I didn't have much contact with him.

Juan Carlos, the youngest, was from a country town in Badajoz and the Roomie from Hell. He ate all the groceries without asking, did not contribute to the food supply, slept most of the day, and when he was awake he would always be putting me down for being American. He only stayed a month; he got bored studying chemistry and went back to Badajoz.
Aug 08 '04
10:23 pm PDT

--- (Reply to this comment)
by DavidMac
In a lot of ways, I'm sure that this story could apply to any roommate situation,not just roommates in dorm rooms. All I can say is that I'm quite happy to be living by myself, so I won't have to deal with another person's weirdness (and they won't have to deal with mine!)
David
Aug 08 '04
9:40 am PDT

Re: I hope this essay is still up (Reply to this comment)
by brandi_jean
Five years gives plenty of time to prepare them for what they will HOPEFULLY not encounter.

Thanks!
Brandi
Aug 07 '04
11:09 pm PDT

Re: Yikes! (Reply to this comment)
by brandi_jean
Eeeww! I cannot believe you would even gross me out like that. Now I am not going to be able to sleep. Yucky!

Thanks!
Brandi
Aug 07 '04
11:08 pm PDT

Re: LOL this is so funny! (Reply to this comment)
by brandi_jean
Hmmm, carried around a doll? Hopefully it wasn't a naked doll :)

Thanks Michelle!
Brandi
Aug 07 '04
10:59 pm PDT

Re: yup (Reply to this comment)
by brandi_jean
I often think that with the surplus of reality shows they show do one on a dorm floor. Lots of drama there. Thanks a lot Gary!

Brandi
Aug 07 '04
10:56 pm PDT

Re: Eeww (Reply to this comment)
by brandi_jean
Lucky you :) After that first year away I gladly came back home to mommy to attend school locally.

Thanks!
Brandi
Aug 07 '04
10:54 pm PDT

I hope this essay is still up (Reply to this comment)
by AliventiAsylum
in five years when I'm getting ready to send my oldest off to school...

Patti
Aug 07 '04
6:10 pm PDT

LOL this is so funny! (Reply to this comment)
by chelledun
Your reviews are great :). I just graduated from college myself, and I think you give some good advice here. One of my friends had a room mate who carried around this doll... Anyway, great job!
Michelle
Aug 07 '04
1:41 pm PDT

yup (Reply to this comment)
by garym
Hi Brandi,
Jeez, and I thought Felicity had it bad.
The saving grace in all this is that you have a ton of experiences to use in writing your own sitcom ........ or porn movieĦ
Good advice.

Gary
Aug 07 '04
12:23 pm PDT

Eeww (Reply to this comment)
by msmorvay
You just made me appreciate the fact that I did my first two years of college at a community college. I got to live at home with my parents, and when I entered a four college as a Junior I did not have to live in a dorm. I really don't know how I would have dealt with a room mate. Especially one who was a compulsive master bater.

Thanks for the enjoyable read.

Take care,

Rae
Aug 07 '04
8:51 am PDT
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