|
|
|
Comment |
Sorted by
Date Written |
Re: Re: Feedback (Reply to this comment)
by dizzybint
Perhaps a mild case... don't worry, I'm harmless.
Yes, I'll be glad to see the updated explanation, will make it flow easier and be more accessible, I imagine.
You're right, the basic plot is good and would benefit from more complexity. Also, more characterization would be fantastic, we need to connect to the people. However, I'm not sure you need more actual characters but that's something better to be judged as the story progresses.
It's not an easy thing to put your stuff "out there" before it's finished, thank you for the opportunity to read it.
Caroline xx
|
Aug 18 '04
6:14 pm PDT
|
|
Re: Feedback (Reply to this comment)
by captaind
"I'm going to start printing out the chapters, so I can make notes as I read. Keep em coming!" - are you sure you don't have OCD? I'm getting a bit worried...
That "describing technology" section was put in as an afterthought, then almost removed as an after-afterthought... looks extremely dated now. Oddly enough the explanation I would give now is actually simpler in terms due to the advancement of technology...
Oh well, will have to get round to actually editing these things soon... glad you're enjoying them anyway, I'm still quite happy with the basic plot, it just needs to be made more complex and believable, and lots more characterisation (and characters!). At least I feel I've got the talent to do that now though - when I wrote this I had the ideas but not the writing ability to do them justice.
Anywaym thanks again to my no.1 critic! :-D
CaptainButIsItAllReal?
|
Aug 18 '04
4:05 pm PDT
|
|
Feedback (Reply to this comment)
by dizzybint
Another good chapter, I really am enjoying the series.
I think, so far, this chapter has flowed the best. Perhaps it's just that I'm getting to know the characters a little and the plot is interesting. It appears that you've introduced all the main characters with the newest company coming in at the end of the chapter. If there are more to come, it could get confusing, keeping everyone straight.
As you know, writing about technology can be risky since it changes so quickly. I liked how you had Canning present, enabling some brief explanations of the computer terms. Although some may see it as contrived, I thought it worked. That paragraph could have been in danger of bogging down the story but it was short enough not to. It's a fine line between discussing technology so that it isn't above the readers' heads and not making them feel stupid by explaining too much. Expect your readers to be intelligent and rise to the challenge of understanding something they may not be familiar with, after all, this type of story would be read by such people. (I'm not saying you didn't do that, I thought you handled it well.)
As you can see, I don't have a lot of critique because there isn't much needed aside from the usual grammar, spelling and sentence structure that you already know about and will be editing for later. As far as the story goes, I'm enjoying it (while trying very hard to give an unbiased opinion.) I think you have a potential winner here (when you publish, I want to be the first to review it on Eps.)
I'm going to start printing out the chapters, so I can make notes as I read. Keep em coming!
Caroline xxx
|
Aug 18 '04
12:00 pm PDT
|
|
|
|
