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Falling Over The Edge Of SeventeenAug 24 '04 Write an essay on this topic.
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The Bottom Line Yes, it's that write-off again.
All-riiiiiight!!! Here’s my entry to the big freaking write-off, as seen here: http://www.epinions.com/content_4039549060 To be perfectly honest, I don’t remember much of what I did at seventeen. It wasn’t that long ago, and this mental block is certainly not due to the subject of Question Four, but overall it was a pretty nothing year in the life of Educatedphool. Fifteen and sixteen were far more eventful. But anyway, that’s not the point. Let’s get to it. 1. Who were your best friends, or were you a friendless geek? What was the most interesting fun that you had together? I did a lot of things when I was 17, and as a result I had various groups of friends who weren’t aware of each other’s existence. Which is basically how I still operate now. Up until November of my sixteenth year, I had had a clearly-defined “best friend” with whom I did absolutely everything. You couldn’t have one without the other in those days. However, for a reason which we will call “geographical constraints”, we had to part ways and consequently found ourselves on opposite sides of the world, which was absolutely devastating. But we raised merry hell all over the place at sixteen, and it was one of the best times of my life. As for the year after, my best friend for a while was Rachel, but I kind of gave her a wide berth after she inexplicably turned into Queen PMS Bitch permanently. After that, I tended to hang quite a bit with Allisonbecauseshesgotthecar,because she had the car. I can’t remember having that much fun at all that year- too busy working in a job which I detested in order to satisfy my rampant shopping addiction. Yes, I was a mallrat. 2. What was your favorite food? Have you out grown your fondness for it? Was this food involved in a food fight? You know, that’s a really good question. I know I did have a favourite food, but I cannot for the life of me remember what it was. Basically I think I just ate ice cream for lunch. Fortunately I have the kind of freakish metabolism which allowed me to do that and still fit into my tight sweaters and parachute pants, so, y’know, everything was cool. Yeah. Food fight? Hell no. I wouldn’t embarrass myself by doing something stupid like that. 3. Did you have a pet- real or imaginary? Were you the teacher's pet. Maybe you were the animal- fess up! I had a pet, and still have him. Imagine a sloth, if it were white and woolly and approximately the size of a large rabbit. That’s Mother Nature’s Sunflower. Apparently he’s a dog, although I’m not quite convinced (people have been known to stare at pictures of him and ask in a bewildered tone of voice “what in heaven’s name is it???”). I love him dearly. Teacher’s pet? Well, it was kind of hard to be teacher’s pet when at that stage you hadn’t been to school for five years. 4. What was your most memorable, life changing moment- in school or out. Did it involve any psychedelics? I bought “Rumours”. No, making the fifty-metre journey to the record store did not involve any psychedelics. Psychedelics were, like, way un-hip by that time, duuude. 5. Were you still a virgin at 17? Oh yes. I wouldn’t consider myself a prude by any standards, but ain’t no way I was going to give it away before I hit eighteen. Which brings me to… Are you still? No. I was relieved of that particular honour the following year, and it was absolutely disgusting. I shudder even thinking about it. The worst thing? The dolt insisted on doing it to ”Rumours”, of all things. Ewww! I could barely listen to that record for weeks afterward, so put off was I by the experience. But I’ll tell that story in the Eighteen write-off. 6. What was the most wicked thing you did? Did anyone find out? Were you grounded or just thrown in jail? I didn’t do anything wicked. I saved that until later in life. We did briefly harbour my sister’s boyfriend’s cousin who had jumped bail, but no-one got free accommodation in the Big House for that. …Oh, wait. The day I turned eighteen, before the actual hour, I boarded a train without a pass and went to the beach. So there you are. The most wicked thing I did that year was cheat the transport company out of four dollars. 7. How many guys or girls did you date when you were 17? Only one, for two reasons. Firstly, when I was 17 I still found boys of the same age to be completely repulsive. I preferred (and still prefer) something of an age difference, but I fortunately had sense enough to realise that if that was what I wanted, I’d have to wait until I was at least legal to begin that particular adventure. The other reason is that by the time I was thirteen I’d realised that I had no use whatsoever for the traditional relationship ideals of What The Girl’s Supposed To Do and What The Guy’s Supposed To Do. Which, while liberating, tended to scare off prospective young suitors who wanted a silly little bore who would sit at home waiting for the telephone to ring. No thanks. I did, however, end up going out with one boy that year. The relationship spanned a grand total of two dates over three days, and about two months of agonising afterward before I got sick of the whole ridiculous situation and read him the riot act. His name was Percival Hewlett-Packard or something similarly dork-centric, and he was a British drama student with scary friends who resembled Silent Bob in vintage Adidas and a fondness for trench coats which smelled suspiciously like The Funny Weed. On our second, and last, date we went into the city and had the complete cliché teenage date, during which he dropped such words of wisdom as “oh, you’re seventeen? Well, I’ll be nineteen in two weeks, so that nearly makes me a paedophile! Huh-huh-huh!” and similar. He then proceeded to put the moves on me on a park bench, which was so disgusting I had to fight the urge to run away and call my parents to come and rescue me (that’s another thing, that jabroni didn’t even take me home). He insisted that the pervading smell of gas at that time was fertiliser. I say that he must have eaten some hardcore frijole when we had dinner to stink out the entire park like that. Looking back, I think Percival was probably “experimenting” with his sexuality and has probably never been with a girl since. When I first met him, he and his idiot friend pretended to be a gay couple dancing to “U Can’t Touch This”. At least at the time I thought they were pretending. Do you still keep in touch with them? Er… isn’t the reason you break up with them because you don’t ever want to have anything to do with them again and if you ever see their punk asses again it would be too soon? In other words, NO. Is your current mate jealous? Yeah, right. Like anyone’s going to be jealous of two dates with a pot-smoking freak who thinks paedophilia is a humorous subject. 8. What was your favorite subject in school? Or are you a high school drop out? Did you get to skip a grade because you are a genius? I told you, by the time I was seventeen I had well and truly emancipated myself from the educational system. I did however skip a grade when I was younger, and then a couple of years after that I got put with the next grade up for languages. 9. What was the make and the condition of the car you drove. Were you guilty of any traffic violations or worse? Were you randy? Car? Me? Oh, jeez. I don’t even want to think about that. I suck at driving now and would never have considered it at seventeen. I mean… for the love of… as far as I know, none of my friends had death wishes strong enough to be a passenger in any automobile chauffeured by yours truly. 10. Did you know what you wanted to do with your life? Did you aspire to be a beauty queen, fireman or a Dentist? Or just be plain old brilliant and discover... I wanted to be Stevie Nicks. Unfortunately that job was already taken. 11. Where did you live? The city, rural America, suburbia, out of this country... or in your own private, little world? I lived, and still live, on a strip of road which resembles the more deserted parts of Las Vegas in the early morning, and the location for “Singles” at night. It’s very atmospheric, and would be perfect but for the fact that it’s close to being in the middle of nowhere. Still, it’s cool on the occasions when I have to go outside just before sunrise and all the trucks are speeding along the highway toward the old shopping arcade with its faded neon signs. 12. Sisters and brothers are, were, still are..... How many? Were you an only child? Do you wish you were an only child? Did you see to it that you were? I have several. As far as I know, we’re still related. Unless there’s something you know that I don’t. 13. Did you get into the college of your choice? Were you college bound? Did you end up with a great job flipping burgers? Are you famous now because of the choice you made then? I have never, and will never, flip burgers. I had half of an education before I tired of it and went to earn money instead. I had no earthly desire to go to college; my parents view it as just another few years to slack off and have an excuse not to get a full-time job. The only time I’ve ever embarked upon Higher Education is last year, for a year (I wrote a review on it. Plug, plug.) …by that time I had decided upon an occupation and both the college and the job I got out of it have served me well. 14. What was your favorite music, group, singer at 17? Do you listen to them today? Did your parents ever break your records? Did you play an instrument or in a group? Fleetwood Mac. Yes. No. No, I’d stopped by then. Everyone else’s bands were sickeningly cool and I couldn’t be bothered competing. 15. Tell us about your prom... Theme, date, outfit. What dance was popular then. What was your "after the prom" fun. I dare you to post a picture of yourself, your date. Prom??? I have two words for you, as and if. Even if I had been attending school that year, there’s no way I would have gone to something moronic like that. I was the girl who’d round up her guy friends and skip the prom in favour of underage drinking and talking trash behind the gym. All while pitying my poor girlfriends who were inside, trying to look grown-up in their bizarre outfits while their dates sat there looking bored and comparing how much the girls’ parents had paid them. I got invited to a couple at schools which I had previously attended, but didn’t entertain the notion of going. I lived prom night vicariously through my sister’s prom instead. 16. Did you belong to any after school clubs or sports? Were you ever in the newspaper because of these activities? If I had been at school, which I was not, I would not have had the slightest interest in belonging to a club. The closest I have ever come to belonging to a club was in the eighth grade when I belonged to the ceramics club because the teacher was good-looking. When I left the school, I forgot to pick up the fruits of my labour from the art room. I’m pretty sure they’re still there. I should really go and collect whatever I made. 17. The biggie and final question... Would you ever do it all over again if you could. Remember the drama and the hormones and the angst before you answer. No. Never. I infinitely prefer now. OK, there it is… the full story of how I stumbled blindly over the fabled edge of seventeen. To view a full list of participants, visit the link at the top. And best belated birthday wishes to Artemisadorned’s daughter Jill, who hopefully will have a more exciting year than mine! Goodnight!  |
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