Shhhh, Baby Sheep. (Getting to Know Who? Via Hugh's Famous Filter)
Aug 27 '04
The Bottom Line Handbags and gladrags and Sheep, oh my!
For no reason in particular, I decided that my entry into hugh_u_kidden's The Filter of Hugh w/o would be based on a famous movie's character(s).. Why? Because I'm weird.. and I like movies. So for your delight and delectation, here it is. And if you can't guess what movie, I may have to eat you.
1) Who do you think you are?
Sometimes, I'm a top psychiatrist with a penchant for eating human flesh and other parts, other times, I'm a Virginian FBI agent, and sometimes even a wannabe transsexual serial killer with pierced nipples.
2) What does it mean when you say "I'm not myself today"; Who are you then?
You know, the darnedest thing happened..I used to resemble Jodie Foster, but I woke up one day and I'd turned into Julianne Moore. That's just creepy.
3) Can you burp the entire English Alphabet?
You couldn't possibly do that in front of the doctor, he'd consider it rude. But try it in Italian and you're golden.
4) Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?
Mmmmmm, women's underwear.. now if only I could get that real flesh woman's body suit finished, I could start wearing those babies, instead of tucking my bits between my legs and pretending I have a vagina in front of the mirror.
5) What are you wearing right now?
A boiler suit and bryl creme. But It's a pain in the ärse when they put that mask on my face, I keep getting my tongue stuck in the mouth grill. Andth ith makthes me thalk likthe thith. Come closer and I'll show you.. clllloserrrrrr......
6) What's for dinner tonight?
Well that's pretty obvious. Liver, served with some fava beans, to be washed down with a nice chianti fffffpfffpffff. Frontal lobe, anyone?
7) What happens if you put the "This side up" side face down while popping microwave popcorn?
Tut, tut. Popcorn? No, no. I don't eat popcorn, the hideous foooooood of the classes that frequent the mmmmulti-plex. A nice italian waiter, serving himself on a fine china plate is more to my taste. Dr Chiltern however, was rather.... unnnnpalatable. :::sneer:::
8) Have you ever snooped in somebody else's medicine cabinet?
Why would I need to do that? I have everything you could possibly imagine in my own.. here, drink this, you won't feel a thing when I hack off the top of your skull and remove your frontal lobes to serve for dinner.
9) If you don't pay your exorcist, do you get repossessed?
Shít, I appear to have stumbled into the wrong movie here... Doctor? Dooooooctooooor?? DOCCCCTTOOOORRR? Quit puking green goo on me and spinning your head around, bítch. DOCTORRRRRRRRRRRR?
10) How much lint do you usually find in your navel?
I keep myself pristine, however, a census taker once tried to test me, so I decided to remove his liver, as I was doing so I noticed rather a lot of oddly blue lint in his navel. It made a nice garnish.
11) If you had a metal plate in your head, would you worry about rusting?
No, but if you had a metal plate in your head, I wouldn't have to worry about removing your brain to eat it, since it's already served on a plate. :::bigger sneer:::
12)Can you blow up a balloon under water?
No, but you should have seen that girl they dragged from the river. She'd blown up like a balloon herself. The sparkly nail polish she was wearing was nice, but the bug cocoon in her throat was revolting.
13) You're not going to eat THAT, are you?
Please. What do you think? I've eaten every part of the human body. I ordered my lamb chops extra, extra rare.
14) If you were on an airplane, and said Hi to a friend whose name is Jack, what would happen to you?
There would be a twinkle in Mr Crawford's eye, since he secretly wants me.
15) Have you ever called someone on the phone, and just as they answered, you realize you forgot who you are calling?
I refuse to acknowledge anyone i'm talking to as a person. Referring to them as "It" means I can detach myself from them right before I flay them. This one "It" gave me problems once, It wouldn't put the lotion in the basket, so I had to resort to raising my voice and swearing. "PUT THE LOTION IN THE F***ING BASKET!", I said. It wasn't a good day.
16) How old were you when you learned to tie your shoes?
I myself could tie them from an early age.. but young Starling probably didn't learn until after the fifth fumble in the back seat of a car, she was too busy dreaming about getting all the way to the :::whispers::: EFF- BEEE- EYE
17) Do you ever find your nose whistling when you're at an extremely formal dinner?
I can't say I do, however, my ability to flare my nostrils whilst sniffing is second to none..
18) Don't you find it weird that we teach our kids the rhyme "Rub a dub dub, three men in a tub"?
Three women in a tub works better. Well, the skin of three woman in a tub, all stitched together.
19) Can you burp and fart at the same time?
Hmmm, can lambs baaa and screeeeeam at the same time? hmmm? can they? can they????
20) What are those little things on the end of your shoelaces called?
Questions, questions... don't come here with your good handbag and your cheap shoes and ask me questions. Now fly, fly, fly little starling, and take your fluegelbinders on your cheap shoes with you. Give your handbag to Buffalo Bill, and maybe the dear lambs will finally stop screaming. :::biggest sneer ever recorded:::
Fin.
I tried to figure out a way to include the fact that "bra" means "good" in Swedish, but it just wouldn't work. And FYI, "Tit" means "often" in Danish. Some useless info for you there. Cheers to Hugh for the invitation to participate in this here Filter type thing.. go here if you wish to undergo similar treatment.
The good Doctor now has to prepare for a Swedish feast.. fest.. whatever. ;-D Whilst the other good Doctor undergos a roasting.. with kilts and everything!
Cheeeeeers!
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dpjohansen
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Member: David Johansen
Location: Sverige
Reviews written: 100
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About Me:
One day I shall return...
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