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You learn something new... (Reply to this comment)
by toospoiled
everyday. I didn't know the Mormons started Blockbuster. LOL!
That Bronwyn is a spitfire! Yeah, you can't rent the porn at Blockbuster, can you?
On to the other pages...
This is quite interesting!
Karen
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Sep 07 '04
5:12 am PDT
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Hit That Line! (Reply to this comment)
by macresarf1
Dear David: Even in long pieces, in even in pieces of "mature content" (whatever that means), it is advisable that the writer establish a viable conflict rather quickly. You may have been told, at one time or another, that it is often a good idea to throw the first several pages of what you have written in order to reach the real story.
You might try that.
All the best.
[Macresarf1]
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Aug 31 '04
12:22 pm PDT
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Re: ========= (Reply to this comment)
by dizzybint
David, I just re-read this first part before moving on and remembered something I wanted to say last night.
“But you’re still coming with us tonight?”, Bronwyn asked. “You’re not going to make up any excuses are ya?”
“n... no... why would I?”, Pamela wondered, her voice dropping into a defensive verbal stance.
“Well, I know that you don’t often do the obligatory Thursday night bar excursion thing...”, Bronwyn sneered. “.. you’ll probably tell me that you’re washing your hair tonight now.”
At first Bronwyn says they're going out that night and Pamela doesn't often go with them.
“Oh, no.”, she smiled. “I haven’t forgotten -- it’s your birthday tomorrow and you want us all to go out.....” Even though Pamela would still have to be for work at 9 am tomorrow as well. She’d have to pack in a lot of work in four or five hours, before she went to her weekly rendezvous with these two friends at the cafe.......
“Well, that’s good!”, Bronwyn wailed. “It’s about time that you got wasted with the rest of us......”
Then Pamela, in her thoughts, seems to say it's the next day and it's a weekly rendezvous.
Perhaps I'm reading it wrong and I'm not even sure you want this sort of feedback. I do like it so far and will read the whole thing.
Caroline
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Aug 31 '04
10:25 am PDT
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Re: ========= (Reply to this comment)
by dizzybint
I will David. Once I saw how long it is, I decided to leave it for today to read the rest. I'll let you know what I think but so far, I do like the first part.
Caroline
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Aug 31 '04
10:04 am PDT
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========= (Reply to this comment)
by DavidMac
Comments, please!
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Aug 30 '04
8:08 pm PDT
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