Bush on the warpath: a political parodySep 02 '04 Write an essay on this topic.
Popular Products in Books
The Bottom Line My reaction to the rah-rah RNC stories.
A story that you will not see anytime soon on the wires: Bush headed to Iraq – as soldier? By Ima Hawke, 9/3/04 New York (AP) – In a surprising turn of events, President George Bush announced last night that he plans to volunteer for military service in Iraq. The impromptu declaration came during Bush’s acceptance speech at the Republican National Convention. The president was in the middle of reading his prepared speech when, in front of thousands of delegates, he suddenly put down his papers and stated his intentions. “You know what? I’m sick of hearing Democrats complaining about Iraq,” Bush said. “You know what they’ve been saying. That we have no business being there, that we don’t know what we’re doing, that we’ve actually made things worse. OK, so it hasn’t been a walk in the park, but America is a great country, and we’re going to turn things around.” “We’re doing it here,” Bush continued, as the crowd cheered, “and we’ll do it there too. I believe that. I’m confident we can help Iraq along the road to full democracy, and to make life safer for them and for the whole world. In fact, I’m so confident that tomorrow morning, I’m going to go to the nearest military recruiter and sign up!” As campaign staffers and supporters watched, seemingly stunned into silence, Bush explained the reasoning behind his decision. “This is not a spur-of-the-moment thing,” Bush said. “I’ve been thinking about this for at least a couple of days now. The thing is, people have been going on and on for months, asking for payroll records, calling me a draft dodger, a cowboy. Saying I’ve got this personal vendetta thing. Well, this’ll shut ‘em up for sure. “Now I realize that I’m not as young as I used to be, but I’m still in great shape for my age. I sleep at least eight hours a night, I don’t smoke, and I drink a lot less than I used too. And even if I do fail the physical, since I’m a willing volunteer, I think Rummy will be able to pull a few strings for me. Won’t you, Rummy?” Caught off guard, Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld did not reply. Beside him, Vice President Dick Cheney and Senior Advisor Karl Rove conferred in furious whispers. “Some will say this is just an election-year stunt,” Bush said. “Well, it’s not. Once I go over to Iraq, I’m not coming back until the job’s done. Not like Kerry. He got his medals and came back before Vietnam was over, and then protested it. Maybe to make sure no one else got any medals. Nice try but no cigar, Mr. Kerry. I’m going over to Iraq and I’m staying there. Though if I’m lucky I’ll get some medals too, nice shiny ones.” At this point Secret Service agents, on a signal from Cheney, converged on the president and began hustling him offstage. As they were doing so, Bush urged supporters to follow his lead. “My name is George W. Bush, and I’m reporting for duty,” he shouted. “Who’s with me?” Immediately after the president disappeared, security began attempts to clear the convention center of delegates and reporters. Most of those present were too stunned to give any comment on Bush's announcement. However, one attendee expressed no surprise, and indeed a sense of satisfaction, at the evening's events. "That's my boy!" said the man, who was wearing a "Swift Boat Vets" cap. "I knew Bush would come through for us. Not like that panty-waist Kerry. War hero, my [expletive]! Too bad the prez got off track, though. I knew we should've had him do more rehearsal." Before the man, who had not identified himself, could continue speaking, Cheney and Rove took him by the arms and dragged him away. As they left, Cheney could be heard saying, "You [expletive]! You guys put him up to this, didn't you?" The White House did not return phone calls seeking comment. For once, I don't care if anyone plagiarizes this. Just read it, laugh, and pass it on if you like.  |
| Read all comments (5)|Write your own comment |
