The Best of Bud Light Presents!! Sep 15 '04    Write an essay on this topic. Tweet Popular Products in Music The Dirtchamber Sessions, Vol. 1 by The Prodigy From $11 Jersey Boys [Original Broadway Cast Recording] by Original Broadway Cast From $8 The Bottom Line Top 20 Bud Light Presents I know that perhaps the time for the Bud Light Presents commercials has come and gone, but I still would like to do a top twenty countdown of them. The radio commercials were absolutely hillarious to listen to, and they kept me entertained every time they came on. If you are unfamiliar with the commercials, Bud Light Presents was a series of commercials dedicated to both Real American Heroes and Real Men of Genius, and each commercial was about a minute long. I'm going to apologize if you're looking for anything really substantial within this... it's somewhat hard to write about the various commercials and how they start out... because they all sound the same. So I'm going to include the title, which commercial type it was, and the lyrics. Anyways, let me begin the countdown... Sort of as a general rule for all of the lyrics that I have here, anything inside the [ ] is the background people (either singers or the background guy). 20. Mr. Jelly Donut Filler - Real American Heroes - Many a night you pondered the question "how can I get some jelly shoved into a plain powdered donut's blow hole?" [In the blow hole] Inspiration and persperation lead you to invent the answer, the jelly super squirter. [Super Squirter] Late at night, all night, you work your squirter so that we can wake up satisfied and enjoy our breakfast jelly treat. [Work Work Work Work Work The Squirter] So crack open an ice cold bud light Mr. Jelly Donut Filler, nobody else takes it to the hole quite the way you do. [Thank you Mr. Jelly Donut Filler]. 19. Mr. Fake Tattoo Inventor - Real American Heroes - Through the miracle of hypo-allergenic adhesives, you transform us from mild-mannered accountant into roadhouse biker hooligan. [Hooligan] Be it screaming skull, or thrashing tiger, you've got a temporary alter-ego for any occasion. [Flaming Dragon] What else says "I love you, mom" like a heart with a sword through it? [You know I love you momma] So crack open an ice cold Bud Light Mr. Fake Tattoo Inventor Guy. We may not have been born to ride, but thanks to you, we can feel like. (Thank you Mr. Fake Tattoo Inventor]. 18. Mr. Major League Infield Raker - Real American Heroes - Your precision movements and split second timing keep America's infields safe for play, and covered with cool swirly designs. [Swirly Designs] Millions watch as you weave your standard issue rake inches from the bag, then skillfully switch to the more advanced woven metal thing on a chain. [Woven Metal Thing] Yeah it has a name, but we wouldn't understand. Why? Because we're not Mr. Major League Infield Raker. So crack open an ice cold Bud Light oh duke of dirt, because for every kid who wants to be a major league slugger, there's another who wants to be a guy with a rake. [Infield Raker Guy]. 17. Mr. All-You-Can-Eat Buffet Inventor - Real Men of Genius - You've given us the real American dream: a tray, fifteen feet of food, and a little sign that says, "Go nuts buddy!" [Pinch me, I'm dreamin'] Pushing side-dish innovation to its limits, you offer creamed-everything, and 400 flavors of gelatin. [Feedin' frenzy!] If there's beef, you'll chip it. If there's chicken, you'll fry it. And if there's gravy, well then everything's going to be o.k. [I thank God for the gravy] So crack open an ice-cold Bud Light, buffet boy. You know the way to a man's heart…and a few hundred tasty ways to challenge it. [Mr. All-You-Can-Eat Buffet Inventor]. 16. Mr. Giant Foam Finger Maker - Real American Heroes - Without you, our teams would be in six or seventh place and feel as if they were in sixth or seventh place. [Can You Feel It?] Carefully, you craft uncanny representations of actual human hands [So Big, So Real] so that we may wave them annoyingly in the faces of our rivals. [In Your Face] They're enormous, yes, yet one size fits all. Brilliant. [Raise 'Em To The Sky Now] So crack open an ice cold Bud Light Mr. Foam Finger Maker, and know we speak for sports fans everywhere when we say, "no, you're number one". [Mr. Giant Foam Finger Maker]. 15. Mr. Underwear Inspector Number Twelve - Real American Heroes - Whether it be tighty-whiteys, or banana hammocks, you're the one who makes sure our skivvies cut the mustard. [Ridin' High] You make sure the door is fastened with secure seams, so that the cow doesn't get out of the barn when it shouldn't. [Don't Let It Out] Dedicating yourself to a craft others might pou pou, you can pass every single man on the street and say with pride, "you there, you're wearing my underpants, and no, i don't want them back." So crack open an ice cold Bud Light eagle eyes, because we're all glad you've got your hands in our shorts. [Change 'Em Every Day]. 14. Mr. Supermarket Free Sample Guy - Real Men of Genius - Though man dreads few things more than a trip to the supermarket, you offer us hope... and sometimes a free mini-weenie. [I Love That Freebie Wennie] What exactly do you have? Aerosol cheese products? Deep-fried morsels? Who cares! If it's on a toothpick and it's free, it could be plutonium and we'd eat it. [It's All Good Baby] For a guy wearing oven mitts and an apron, you're all right. [You're A Star] So crack open an ice-cold Bud Light, titan of the toothpick, because you put the FREE in FREEDOM. [Let It Be Free]. 13. Mr. Pit Crew Water Bottle Squirter - Real American Heroes - In a world of RPMs and MPGs, you're all about H2O. [H2O] Sure, anyone can take a car apart and put it back together again, but not just anyone can squirt water. [You've Got It In You] Reach, squeeze, reach, squeeze. Precision timing. One inch off, and you've got a soggy water, and a potential squegee situation [Watch Out, That's Water!] So crack open an ice cold Bud Light Mr. Pit Crew Water Bottle Squirter, because as far as we're concerned, you're not just in the pits, you are the pits. [Mr. Pit Crew Water Bottle Squirter]. 12. Mr. Inspirational Poster Writer - Real American Heroes - Without you, how would we ever know that today, not tomorrow or last thursday, is the first day of the rest of our lives? [Starting Right Now] You ask us to "take it one day at a time" and remind us "turkeys flock, but eagles soar alone." [Soaring High] Only you could turn a picture of a kitten doing chin-ups into something more than cuddly. You make it inspiring. [Believe In Yourself] So crack open an ice cold Bud Light oh poet of the poster. You try very hard, to make us try very, very hard. [Thank You, Thank You, Thank You]. 11. Mr. Horse-Drawn Carriage Driver - Real Men of Genius - You start your day with a "tip tip" and a "cheerio" which is odd because you're from Brooklyn. [Jolly Old Brooklyn] While most people sit behind a desk, you proudly sit two feet behind a four-legged manure factory. [Ughhh] No one knows the guts it takes to ride the subway to work dressed as a foppish dandy from the 18th century. [He's A Foppish Dandy] Blaring horns, profanity, vicious insults - all met with a courtly tip of your stovepipe hat. [Cheerio] So crack open an ice-cold Bud Light, buggy boy, because the way you say "giddyup" makes us say "whoa"! [Woah Woah Woah]. 10. Mr. Chinese Food Delivery Guy - Real American Heroes - Without you, we'd be forced to do the unthinkable when we wanted Chinese: drive to a restaurant. [Moo Shoo Gai Pan] But you, Sir, bring it to us in under twenty. [Ride Like The Wind] Armed with your rickety bike, you battle traffic, bad weather, and the occasional busted elevator. And why do you do it? Because somewhere some guy is waiting for his kung pow crab puffs, and he's got a dollar fifty-seven with your name on it. [That's Ten Percent] So crack open an ice cold bud light oh mercenary of the mandarin chicken, and know that when America is looking for a man to get the job done, you do deliver. [You Do Deliver]. 9. Mr. Restroom Toilet Paper Refiller - Real Men of Genius - Without your undying commitment, we might find ourselves trapped in a stall armed only with our newspaper. [Oh I Need You Now] Like a brave soldier, you storm hostile territory delivering much needed supplies to your men. [Ughhh] Should you leave one roll? Or two? Or perhaps that giant 10-pound super roll. [Keep Rollin'] While others rest, you can't... because somewhere there's a guy with his pants around his ankles doing the bunny hop in search of a fresh roll. [Hop Hop Hop] So crack open an ice-cold Bud Light, master of the men's room, because if you don't do your business, we can't do ours. [Is There Anybody Out There?] 8. Mr. Bass Plaque Maker - Real American Heroes - Only a true artist like yourself can turn five pounds of dead fish into a work of art. [No Fishy Smell Now] In your capable hands, we know that our trout will never will never look trashy, our croppey never crappy. [Never Crap-Ay] Thanks to you we can say, "I cought this bass, what have you ever done?" [Tell Me Now] So crack open an ice cold Bud Light Mr. Bass Plaque Maker, because while a trophy wife may grow old and wrinkled, a trophy bass can now remain forever young. [Forever Young, Forever Young]. 7. Mr. Fortune Cookie Fortune Writer - Real American Heroes - Most writers leave their wisdom in a book, you leave yours in a cookie. [Crunchy Cookie] Sure they taste good, but it's the information you provide that we're really hungry for. [Love Is Around The Corner] Though your tablet is small, your message never is. [Show Me The Way] Of course the moo shu pork and the egg foo young fill our bellies; it's your inspiration that keeps us well nourished [Yum Yum Yum Yum Egg Foo Young] So crack open an ice cold Bud Light Mr. Fortune Cookie Fortune Writer, because when you say our luck is about to change, we believe you. [We Believe You]. 6. Mr. Hawaiian Shirt Pattern Designer - Real American Heroes - You provide us with colorful loungewear capable of hiding any stain we can dish out. [Gettin' Sloppy] Who else could create flowered shirts that are still so unmistakeably masculine [Oooh] A single shirt that matches every pair of pants we own, and really sets off a white belt [Lookin' Good Now] Sure women say they hate them, but inside they're all swooning for the big kahuna. [Oooh Kahuna] So crack open an ice cold Bud Light Mr. Hawaiian Shirt Pattern Designer. Your shirts may not be made in hawaii, but taiwan is an island, too. 5. Mr. Driving Range Ball Picker Upper - Real American Heroes - For our pure enjoyment, you bravely throw yourself directly in the path of adversity, and you do it on a tractor. [Ridin' High] Oh, the rules call for friendly fire, but you know we're all gunnin' for you. [Gunnin' For You] "Let her rip", you say, because someone's gonna hit a little dribbler, and they're gonna try and chase it down. [Run Run Run Run] And when they do, you'll be there. [You'll Be There] So crack open an ice cold Bud Light range guy, because in this world of mamby pambys, you're the one with all the balls. [Mr. Driving Range Ball Picker Upper]. 4. Mr. Wedding Band Guitar Player - Real Men of Genius - Any guitar player can rock a packed stadium, but it takes real talent to keep the Wishinski reception going all night long. [Mazal Tov] Perched on the stage in your undersized tuxedo, you tirelessly churn out tunes from the 50s, 60s, 70s, 80s and 90s. [Keep On Rockin'] Sound check? You don't need no stinking sound check. [NO] And even though you've never had groupies, you have bagged the occasional bridesmaid. [Never Forget You] So crack open an ice-cold Bud Light, guitar guy, because every wedding you go to, you're the real best man. [Mr. Wedding Band Guitar Player]. 3. Mr. Male Football Cheerleader - Real American Heroes - Real men don't just play smash mouth football, real men turn cartwheels and somersaults on the sidelines, tucked safely away from the action. [Don't Touch Me Now] Fourth down and inches, the game's on the line, it all comes down to you. Will you call for a perky pyramid, or a peppy line dance? [Get On My Shoulders] Knock em back, knock em back, all the way to hack em sack. [Rah Rah Rah Rah Zis Boom Bah] So grab an ice cold Bud Light Mr. Male Football Cheerleader. You may never score a touchdown, but you're peppy. [YAY!] And that's gotta count for something. [That's Gotta Count For Something]. 2. Mr. Outside The Stadium Penut Seller - Real American Heroes - You stand like a sentry outside the grounds of our national passtime, offering us your salty nuts. [Nice And Crunchy] Half price on the outside, all the taste, that's your pitch. [Nuts For Scratch] There's nothing like spending a summer day on a hard bleacher seat crunching your nuts. [Crunch Crunch Oh] Unless maybe it's sitting behind home plate spreading mustard on your weiner. [Hot N Spicy] So crack open an ice cold Bud Light Mr. Outside The Stadium Penut Seller, because thanks to you a bag of peanuts costs just peanuts. [Mr. Outside The Stadium Penut Seller]. 1. Mr. Nudist Colony Activity Coordinator - Real Men of Genius - Wearing nothing but a whistle and a clipboard, you're living the real American dream: getting paid to think up fun things to do, naked. [Runnin Free] Sure there's danger- vinyl chairs, sunburns, chaffage... and lawn darts? Completely out of the question. [Watch Out Now] Your keen instincts tell you to stick to activities that involve lots of bouncing and jiggling. And if that doesn't work, who cares? You're all naked. [It's Your Birthday] So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, nudie boy, because we all know, when the going gets tough, the tough get naked. [Mr. Nudist Colony Activity Coordinator]. So that's that. I just had fun with it, and listened to so many of these on my computer. Definitely a fun time if you can find any of them. Enjoy!

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