The Top 10 Reasons I Hate My Annoying Coworker!
Oct 04 '04 (Updated Oct 24 '04)
The Bottom Line Everyone's got one, but my Annoying Coworker farts a lot and interupts everyone's conversation!
Our office is in the middle of a (very badly organized and executed) move and the howler monkeyesque shriek of my Annoying Coworker as she packed something reminded me of how much I really do dislike her. So I figured perhaps instead of trying to write a review in this chaos, something more fun would be better and would help keep my mind off the cubes I've taken apart and everything else we are having to do.
You might remember a few mentions of Annoying Coworker, especially from my desk fan review. She’s a somewhat homely, older, very heavy-set woman who farts a lot and has perhaps an even more annoying habit of interrupting everyone’s’ conversation and talking about herself when she does.
I think though, instead of trying to explain it, the best way to introduce her though is The Top 10 Reasons I Hate My Annoying Coworker:
10 – Her makeup
I’m not sure how it’s possible for someone to have such bad make-up every single day. I’ve never worn it, but there are millions of women who come in looking okay to very good. However she’ll come in and have her eyebrows shaped like an upside down “V”. One day she turned around and looked and me and I thought I was looking at a pumpkin face – I had to turn around and look away so I wouldn’t laugh in her face.
9 – Her flying ability
I’m not sure why, but I think she must be fighting for the “most inept student pilot” award. Most people get their pilot’s license within a year, so far she’s gone for 3 years and still has yet to get her pilot’s license.
Of course, she comes in every day and tells us all about how hard she’s working on it.
8 – Every one of her conversations centers around her!
I don’t think it’s possible for her to talk about anything other than herself. No matter if you ask her a question or she interrupts a conversation, she will talk about herself, or steer the conversation such that it’s about her and how great she is.
7 – Her incredibly loud personal phone calls
For a woman with no volume control on her voice, it’s no wonder that her personal phone calls are something that the entire office can hear and since I sit a cube away – I can hear them as clear as a bell. She literally yells while she is on the phone and I sit there with my head in my hands wondering why I am subjected to this. I’ve learned way too much about this lady’s personal life, much more than I ever wanted to know through those calls.
6 – Her hair
Okay, okay – lots of people go bald, even women and I have no problem with that, but don’t pretend it’s not happening. I know lots of older women (I’m a gay guy, we all have older women friends) who have thinning hair – they cut their hair in a sensible way. Not with Annoying Coworker, she thinks she can still grow long hair. So not only is the dye job really bad, it’s long, stringy and thin and oh so scary.
5 – Her voice
If sound could cut metal, her voice would be like a diamond saw. Not only is she loud (see #7), she has this high-pitched almost squeal that she yells in that can make you want to cover your ears. There have been days I’ve walked out of the office because I just can’t listen to her anymore.
4 – Her attitude
I don’t understand some people who think the world owes them something and she’s definitely one of them. From the day I started she made sure that she didn’t think it was right that I made more than her (never mind we have different jobs) and at every chance she has, she points out to whoever will listen about what she should have because of who she is. I don’t know how many times I’ve heard her complain she doesn’t have an office – none of us do – we have cubes that force me to be next to her.
Plus she can never be wrong – she’ll yell and scream that something isn’t working and when it turns out that she was doing it wrong, she’ll deny the fact that she did it wrong. It’s awful – all you hear when you try to tell her something is “oh yeah, yeah, I know that, I know that…
3 – Her location
I think I could deal better if she were farther away – but she’s in the cube next to me and we have the short cube walls (3 feet) so if I turn around (I have my cube setup so I never have to look at her), she’s right there. With her loud voice and loud personal phone calls, I always hear louder than anyone else. Plus being so close, I’m naturally the first one she yells at when she needs help with something.
2 – Being a busy body
No one in the office can have a conversation anywhere in the office without her turning her head and staring the entire time. Now I know we all try to listen in on office conversations, but come on, you don’t stare and make it obvious that you’re listening.
It’s got to the point where we’ll say to one another when talking (and we know she’s staring) “isn’t it nice that we can’t have a private conversation” and she turns away and tries to pretend she wasn’t listening.
And finally the #1 reason I dislike my Annoying Coworker – her multiple and unending farts…
This woman can fart like a machine! We all fart and there’s always that accidental (and completely embarrassing) fart but for Annoying Coworker, there’s nothing annoying or embarrassing about it. She’ll sit in her cube and fart away – oblivious to the fact that the entire office can hear it.
One was so loud that the boss got up and shut his office door. Another one was so loud that she was in another room, about 50 feet from my cube (and a wall between us) and I could still hear it.
And it’s not just one – there are multiple farts per day – soft little ones, big loud ones, long ones, they’re all in there and after the initial giggle factor, they get old very quickly.
More coworker stories
Come on - I know we all have had that Annoying Coworker - write up your own story and let me know about it and I’ll link it up here.
I’m not going to call it a write-off, but lets see how many Top 10 Reasons I Hate My Annoying Coworker lists we can get!
oldcomixfan
hughesfm
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