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Ten Co-workers I Hate the Most.Oct 06 '04 Write an essay on this topic.
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The Bottom Line I hate this " Bottom Line " thing. I always will.
This review was not difficult at all...except the part where I had to limit it to ten. I work in a restaurant so my co-worker list will be restaurant specific. Pick up on seven please! 10. The Conniving Back Biting Hag Fish. This particular animal can be spotted hiding in the bar and with a slight sneer and sideways glancing head tilt. It's mating call is often a " Tsk"-ing sound or slight hiss with the upper teeth exposed. It will never fail to notice all of your mistakes and will inform the rest of the herd instantaneously. Avoid at all costs. 9. The Grubber. This organism is famous for consuming bits of food left on a customers plate on it's way to the dish ring. It's generally not shy about it's eating habits and will offer left overs freely. Perpetually hungry, the Grubber will stop shy of licking the plate claiming that "That's gross dude." It's mating call varies from "Can you believe they didn't finish this?" to "Are you gonna finish that?" Avoid when bits of food are attached to lower lip or cheek. 8. The Poisonous Viper. This reptilian sick-o is famous for it's revenge based customer attacks by contaminating troublesome guests food. It will generally use it's own body fluids which are, but not limited to, saliva, sweat and in some cases urine. I have personally on one occasion witnessed in the wilds of the server station, The Viper stirring an iced tea with his penis. Difficult to spot by the customer, The Viper is sometimes believed to be mythical, but rest assured folks, The Viper is very real and there is at least one in every restaurant. It's mating call is usually a string of profanities followed by a table number locating it's potential victim. Avoid if spotted but best to assume ALL servers are The Viper and should not be antagonized. 7. The Plate Restocking Monkey. This simian-like being is famous for picking up fallen bits of food and replacing them onto the plate. It is a bizarre mating of The Grub and The Viper. Altho it means no harm to the customer it simplistically believes the "Ten Second Rule" is an actual rule. ( For those not in the loop, the "Ten Second Rule" is the belief that food that hits the counter or the floor is safe to consume if replaced on the plate in ten seconds. ) It's mating call is usually a brief profanity followed by a visual survey of the area to see if it is being watched. Avoid if possible but the Plate Monkey is very difficult to spot as it may change forms rapidly. 6. The Drunken Peacock. This bird is famous for it's plumage and perpetual vodka induced hangover. In this particular case the Peacock is homosexual and prone to making amusing if somewhat misguided attempts to mate with the author. It is generally good natured and entertaining with it's antics but can be vicious if cornered. I included this animal only because at it's meanest it is a detestable animal. It's mating call is usually an announcement of sexual conquest followed by an invitation to nearest watering hole. Avoid when testy which is rare. 5. The Bitter Wolverine. Arguable the most dangerous of the co-workers, The Wolverine is famous for it's ability to transform into ANY animal at ANY moment. It is generally in a foul mood and can turn on anyone at a moments notice for any small perceived infraction. How The Wolverine maintains employment is something of a mystery altho many believe The Wolverine may transform into the feared Workplace Killing Shrike and one day slay us all in a fit of rage. It's mating call is almost always a long and loud string of acid tongued profanity followed by a thrown object. Avoid at all costs. Hide if possible. 4. The Perpetually Joyous Turkey. This bird is extremely creepy to watch and listen to. It has a shrill quality of voice and is very wide eyed with Bible induced hysteria-like joy. It is not shy with it's beliefs attempting to ensnare others into it's cult and increase it's herd. It's mating call is usually an inane high pitched song about the mythical deity known only as "Lord." Avoid at all costs. Cover ears if possible. Do not make eye contact. 3. The Near-Mongoloidal Newt. This small amphibian brained animal is entertaining and pathetic all at once. It is very young and not used to the concept of existence and frequently makes amusing mistakes and fumbles. It has been known to bump into walls and drop large trays of plates destroying an entire table's order in an instant. It's very innocence may one day result in it's own extinction. It's mating call varies wildly and has been heard in one instance as, " Wasn't Bush president once before? ". Avoid if possible or The Newt will drag you down with it. 2. The Shape Shifting Iguana-Monkey-Bull-Thing. This animal is completely unpredictable and very dangerous. It may assume any shape or form at a moments notice with little or no provocation. It can blend into it's surrounding s with ease and is impossible to spot while camouflaged. It may also assume many forms simultaneously making interaction with the creature hazardous at best. It's mating call is bizarre and may be any mating call ever heard. Avoid at all costs. If possible, flee the area. 1. The Monster in Charge. This beastly abomination is in charge of the entire herd and is very dangerous. It has all the powers of the herd combined including some that are not yet discovered. It is the most fearsome of the herd. It has limited experience working in a restaurant and has been known to believe strange things about it's surroundings, which , when combined with the fact that it OWNS the building we work in makes for a comical and freakish workplace. It's mating call varies from "Good Mooorrrnninng troops!" "You're fired now...get out or I will call the cops." Avoid at all costs. Hire trappers. Flee the area.  |
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