Raymond Chandler allegedly said, "If a man woke up one morning and discovered he had turned into an elephant, I wouldn't be so interested in how he got that way as in what he intended to do about it." I tried to quote that from memory, so it may be imperfect. But to the basic sentiment I can only say: "You and me both, Mr. Chandler!"
Substitute "vampire" for "elephant" in that quotation, and you have identified my basic problem with the plotline of the comic book called Crimson which ran for twenty-four issues before drawing to a close. I previously gave my opinion of the trade paperback collection called Crimson: Loyalty and Loss which collected the first six issues of that comic - you can refresh your memory at: http://www.epinions.com/content_38979735172
This book collects #'s 7-12 of that series, and teenager-recently-turned-vampire-against-his-will Alex Elder hasn't gotten any more impressive since the days when I suggested his principal achievement was whining incessantly about how unhappy his present condition made him feel!
At the close of issue 6 (i.e. the material gathered in the previous volume) Alex had several unresolved problems that were crying out for attention.
1. He's been turned into a vampire as the result of an attack in Central Park at 2 AM by a gang of vampires on motorcycles. Gosh, I hate it when that happens! (On the plus side, Alex has thus far survived by killing pigeons and by drinking blood bought from a blood bank by his inhuman mentor, Ekimus.) Something obviously needs to be done about this sad state of affairs, although I admit I don't know what.
2. Ekimus swears that he is not just a run-of-the-mill vampire; he is the Chosen One! Chosen to do what? Ekimus is incredibly vague on that little detail, but I got the feeling that it was supposed to be what we could call a "good" thing, such as finding a way to wipe all the other vampires off the face of the earth. (Most vampires, unlike Alex, seem to revel in the messy massacre of innocent bystanders.) Being the Chosen One apparently involves certain unusual powers (even by vampiric standards) including being able to generate fire from his hands at unpredictable moments.
3. Months after Alex disappeared from public knowledge on the night he was turned into a vampire, he still has not made any contact with his family (mom, dad, and cute little sister) whom he allegedly loves dearly. They don't know if he's dead or what.
4. Alex has learned, however, that his dad's current employer, Senator Van Fleet, is actually a very powerful vampire himself. (Dear old dad doesn't know this. The Senator doesn't exactly advertise the fact.)
5. When one of the Senator's vampiric henchmen went berserk in the last pages of the previous book, Mr. Elder (Alex's daddy) was badly injured but was hospitalized and is expected to pull through. I admit there's not a heck of a lot Alex can do about this (creating miracle cures does not appear to be in his repertoire of supernatural powers) but I thought I'd mention it anyway because it qualifies as a problem and it's relevant to upcoming plot developments.
6. Alex has had some run-ins with a gorgeous red-leather-clad hunter of supernatural critters called Scarlet, who is a member of the extended family which calls itself the Order of the Red Hood. She has reached the decision that as vampires go, he's almost human - in other words, she hasn't killed him yet. However, we knew from the start that the rest of her clan might not be quite so tolerant, since it's an article of their religious beliefs that all vampires/werewolves/etc. are by definition creatures of Satan and should be dealt with accordingly.
7. In his second issue of his comic book, Alex was offered something to wear by a "friendly" vampire: a black leather bodysuit with lots of straps and buckles and stuff. Alex complained at the time that it made him look like a porn star. 4.5 issues later (final page of #6) he was still wearing it, having apparently never grasped the sophisticated concept of "shopping for new clothes if you hate the stuff you're wearing." But he has never stated that he's changed his mind about the black-leather-with-lots-of-straps-and-buckles look, so I am forced to assume that he still hates it and has just been too busy to attend to the matter.
These are the pressing concerns that ought to be on Alex's mind as we start Issue #7 of his comic book.
Actually, Issue #7 is the strongest moment the series has had in my experience (my experience covering the first twelve installments at the moment). It's a self-contained story, an interestingly offbeat little tale that takes place within a period of an hour or two in and near a diner somewhere in NYC. It's Christmas Eve and since Alex isn't prepared to spend the season with his family, he has stopped in for a burger and a chocolate shake to try to cheer himself up. (Of course vampires get no nourishment from these things, but he still likes to eat regular human food occasionally. It makes a nice change from gulping down bottles of blood every day. In his situation, I would do the same thing.)
Unfortunately, he's not the only supernatural creature who wanders in off the street tonight. Coming in ones and twos, a total of seven people enter and start passing judgment on the "normal" people in the diner, loudly announcing what sins they've committed and then executing them for it. These seven claim to be angels doing the Lord's work. Michael, Gabrielle, Raphael, Zauriel, Uriel, Remiel, and Rags (called Raguel at one point but just plain "Rags" the rest of the time). It appears that they can spot a sinner a mile away - and that the only way they know of for dealing with a sinner is to kill him. Which seems a little harsh, since they scarcely make any effort to differentiate between different types of sins. After wiping out the regular humans, they hold court on Alex Elder. He's a vampire, therefore he's Satanic, therefore he should be destroyed, is the official party line as expressed by Michael.
Alex tries to wriggle out on technicalities. You know, such feeble excuses as never having having volunteered for this vampire thing in the first place, and having no interest in Satanism, and finally protesting "I've never even fed on a human being!" (All of these claims are absolutely true, but what's that got to do with it?)
He actually gets some sympathy in the jury, after due discussion. The vote is going four to three in favor of conviction and execution, though - when a new face strolls in and greets everyone by name. Although he looks like a blond male Caucasian in a white three-piece suit and light brown trenchcoat, he is addressed by such lovely names as Lucifer and Serpent, so reach your own conclusions. Lucifer insists that although he was expelled from Heaven, here on Earth he still has the right to participate when an angelic jury is putting somebody on trial. "I want my vote, Michael. I'm entitled - I may be banished, but I never got a memo rescinding that right."
If ever I heard a man or devil split a very fine hair, I've heard it now :)
Of course he votes for acquittal, which means a tie, which by heavenly rules of order means the defendant gets off scot free. (Gosh, what could possibly be more reassuring than knowing that Satan himself vouches for your good character and thinks you should be permitted to continue doing what you've been doing?) The angels agree to reconvene in a hundred years to see how Alex turned out. The "good" angels leave, Lucifer waves Alex out the door, then has a little one-way chat with God (implicitly), who dropped in to observe. There's even a happy ending of sorts on the final page.
I mention this story because I want to be absolutely fair. Brian Augustyn does have a flair for witty dialogue, and that was best shown in this story where conversation was almost all that happened (except for the occasional human falling over dead). Lucifer seemed cynical, perceptive, debonair, amusing, and profound. Pity he won't show up again in the remaining five installments that are collected in this book. (I assume he'll be back before the series finally concludes, however, but I haven't checked.)
To summon up the remaining five installments in this book:
Alex learns the origin of the Holy Order of the Red Hood and why Scarlet and her kinsmen do all the things they do. He learns some things about his mentor Ekimus that shock him. He is captured by Scarlet's people and shoved in a cage but they treat him (and to some extent her) in such a nasty way that she switches sides and breaks him loose. Lots of people die in battle. A black cop introduced in the earlier part of the series discovers he is the reincarnation of the legendary St. George, Catholic Saint who supposedly slays dragons for fun. Alex confronts Lisseth, Queen of the Vampires (she and Ekimus somehow created vampirism ages ago, and Ekimus now regrets it but she doesn't), and kills one of her henchmen (henchvampires?) in a duel while everyone else watches with interest. Lisseth is naturally a beautiful woman in a slinky dress who offers Alex a job - or something (she speaks seductively but we don't know exactly what would have come of it if he hadn't turned her down). Since he won the duel with her henchvampire, she lets him go free.
Net achievements of the reluctant vampire Alex Elder in these six issues of his comic book: Convinced one friend to defect from her previous loyalty, and killed one very stupid vampire (of hundreds in the world, I estimate). Met some interesting people (St. George, Lucifer, Lisseth, etc.) In the previous book, collecting his first six issues, he had killed one vampire and met a lot of other interesting people. He's really achieving things, eh?
Hmm. At this rate, in about a thousand years he might succeed in doing something really spectacular such as wiping out ALL the other vampires, which is (apparently) what that "Chosen One" nonsense is all about although details are still awfully vague.
Now, harking back to the Major Problems in Alex's Life that I outlined at the start of this little review, let's take inventory on how much progress he's made in six monthly issues of his series.
#1 (His vampiric condition): No change. No hint of any way he can change it.
#2 (Chosen One): No Change. We still don't know what that means or how he can do it properly.
#3 (No contact with his family): No change.
#4 (The Vampire Senator): No change. Hasn't it occurred to Alex that it might be wise to let his own father know what kind of creature he's actually working for, though?
#5 (Dad in the hospital): No change. We don't know if Alex's dad ever got out of the hospital.
#6 (Scarlet's Holy Order of the Red Hood and its anti-vampire bias): This one was actually dealt with, to an extent. Scarlet's kinsmen finally showed up and took him prisoner for two issues.
#7 (Wearing a black leather outfit he allegedly dislikes): Inconclusive. In the last part of this book, Alex was wearing some different, more "normal" clothes, probably because after spending all that time in a cage the old ones smelled kind of ripe (just a guess here). I don't know if he intends to put that black leather bodysuit back on later or not. If so, I'd love to know why.
Tally it up! Out of seven problems I had identified in his life after reading the previous trade paperback collection, one of them got further development in this next collection, and one of them (the leather outfit thing) MAY have been the subject of a change but I don't know yet for sure.
Do I recommend this book? Only if you meet the following criteria:
1. You love reading comic books about vampires (and other supernatural types) with lots of bloodshed onstage and witty repartee upon occasion.
2. You are prepared to overlook a few trifling deficiencies, such as slow-moving plotlines and a "hero" who accomplishes very little and has no plans to change that in the near future, but just stumbles into nasty situations and then survives them somehow. He also whines a lot about how he doesn't like being a vampire, which is understandable but doesn't constitute a grand achievement.
On that basis, I can give this book three stars and a "Recommended." If you don't recognize yourself in my description of the ideal reader, then give it a miss.
Recommended:
