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Impertinent Thoughts on Pertinent Subjects XLIIINov 03 '04 Write an essay on this topic.
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The Bottom Line ...
We're taking this column back to its roots this month...yes, that's right, I'll probably offend certain people with some of these, but, then again, that's the fun of it... * You know, I think Jay Z is taking the whole R Kelly dustup a bit too harshly. So he thought a couple people snuck guns into MSG, big deal. It's not like he derived sexual pleasure from peeing on 15 year old girls....oh wait, nevermind. * My girlfriend on the whole BET/Eminem/Michael Jackson thing: "Why does BET care what Michael Jackson says, he's white!" (oh yes, I'm going to hell) * Let's get something straight: Ashlee Simpson isn't a douche for lip synching, she's a douche for blaming the whole thing on her band...hey Ashlee, tough it out, or cancel... * Yo, Evanescence, could you guys just plain go away for a nice long while? * The Gwen Stefani solo song really f*cking blows, I'd rather listen to Bea Arthur having sex than that song again. * You know, after seeing a picture of Lil Jon in high school, I can see his success is partially due to the fact that he no doubt got his a*s kicked in high school...it's called karma (see this month's Blender with U2 on the cover). * So Snoop Dogg is being sued by a woman who says she picked up 3 packages of pot for him...this of course leads to the question of why would you pick up ANY package for Snoop "24 hours high as a motherf*cking kite" Dogg? * Whoever decided 50 Cent's life would make a good movie should be shot 9 times him/herself. * In 15 years time, Vince Neil has gone from being the lead singer of Motley Crue to leading 50,000 through the Chicken Dance. Yeah, that's a step up. The reunited Crue farewell tour, by the way, is due to be announced soon. * Hearing that Simple Plan is covering The Darkness makes me want to vomit, cover my ears, and scream out "la la la la la, I can't hear you." * Moby has two albums of material ready to go apparently...for those of you who believe in God, can I ask why he gave Moby success/a career in music? * You know, watching Scott Stapp butcher God Bless America at the World Series was like watching a train wreck...despite the gruesomeness of it all, you just couldn't turn away. * The world needs more bands like Collective Soul. * I love it when artists like Kelly Clarkson make bold statements about their new material like "it's rock and roll baby," only to immediately change their tune as if an angry PR guy is shaking his finger and giving her a sour puss look: "uh, it's pop too though, that's what I am." * Whose bright idea was it to give Lindsay Lohan a recording contract? And why is this person most likely still working in the music business as of this writing? * The new U2 song sucks goat testicles lyrically, but it rocks harder than their last 3 albums combined, so I can forgive them. * Its funny that Jani Lane thinks he's still a big rock star. * I'll get reamed for saying this, but why is everyone so surprised that the new Duran Duran album sucks? Duran Duran has always sucked, and will forever suck. * Why the hell did Dicky Barrett agree to become Jimmy Kimmel's b*tch? * I'm pretty good at finding SOMETHING in each musical genre that I like, but you know, if I had to kill one genre entirely, it would be techno music by a mile. I'm sorry, but any music where hard drugs are necessary to make it any good just isn't worth keeping around. Take your same f*cking obnoxious beat that loops OVER and OVER and OVER again and take it back to Germany. Take American Euro-Trash with you too, please. * Five songs I never ever want to hear again: Lady by Lenny Kravitz, Daughters by John Mayer, anything by, or featuring, Petey Pablo, Predictable by Good Charlotte, and Fly by Hilary Duff. That's it for this month, see you next time...  |
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