Terror on Video: Worst of Horror & Exploitation Film {part 2}
Nov 11 '04
The Bottom Line rent - view or {heaven forbid} buy at your own risk; they may appeal to some but may cause others to run away in terror...BEWARE!!!
Terror on Video: Worst of Horror & Exploitation Films {p.2}
{**note**}; just because some particular video made this list, doesnt mean that some dont have at least a few 'entertaining' charms to them...they just dont have as much charm as the others >>>
m}
Title: Patrick Still Lives {Patrick Vive Ancora}
Director: Mario Landi
Cast: Mariangela Giordan, Gianni Dei, Sacha Pitoeff
synopsis: having never seen the original film "Patrick", I cant draw any comparisons between the two; however, from what I hear there is "NO" similarities to compare. a random bottle tossed from a passing car puts young Patrick in a coma, whom then spends the rest of the film disposing of {for no real reason} a group of aristocrats staying at a country-villa; features plenty of gruesome gore-scenes {featuring a nasty "Cannibal Holocaust"style impalement}, but very {very} little else {filmed on & using much of the same score as Andrea Bianchi's "Burial Ground"}
n}
Title: City of the Walking Dead
Director: Umberto Lenzi
Cast: Hugo Stiglitz, Mel Ferrer, Laura Trotter,
synopsis: despite being an entertaining roller-coaster of laughs and spills, "City of the Walking Dead" aka; "Nightmare City" has the reputation of being Mr. Lenzi's most embaressingly made film {ie., blades are run across necks producing absolutely nothing, zombies are shot upon producing NO bullet wounds, horrible scripting...}, a Hercules military-airliner carrying hordes of oatmeal-faced, violence-prone zombies begin to overun a city chock-full of stupidly inept Italio-Spanish actors, military-men alike are cut through like a hot-knife through butter whilst a journalist and wife duo combat the hordes of living dead with relative ease...
o}
Title: Zombie Nightmare
Director: Jack Bravman
Cast: Frank Dietz, Linda Singer, Adam West, Thor, Tia Carrere
synopsis: featuring a burnt-out has-been {"Batman" Adam West}, a star-on-the-rise {"Relic Hunter" Carrere} and a never-was {"heavy metal/actor wannabe" Thor}, words FAIL to describe this obsucre canadian-made zombie-slasher about a woman enlisting the aid of a haitian voodoo-priestess {whom her husband got stabbed whilst saving form a pair of 50's-style greasers}, to resurrect her "hit&run" claimed son for sweet revenge, hilarity ensues as the lumbering, basball-bat weilding zombie takes HIS sweet revenge in-between HUGE spats of bad acting and enough smarmy one-liners to sink a battleship
example:
{chick} "Ive had a long day"; {guy} "yeah, well thats not all thats long" and this classic from Mr West >>>
{guy} "Look at this Capt., he was impaled with a baseball bat, I just dont see how this James Earl could do it"
{Mr. West} "Maybe James Earl has a great batting average{!}
p}
Title: The Gates of Hell
Director: Lucio Fulci
Cast: Christopher George, Katherine McColl, Carlo de Mejo
synopsis: ah yes, the much maligned {sometimes praised} follow-up film to Lucio Fulci's own "Zombi 2"; a creepy Dunwhich priest hangs himself in a cemetery {no reason given...}; thus opening the titular "gates of hell" {no reason is given to WHY he wanted to do this...}; thus unleashing maggots, zombies, maggots, fog, maggots...and,,..umm, did I mention maggots. many people view this film as simply a blueprint/rough-draft for "Seven Doors of Death"/"The Beyond", and they are right on the money, as continuity and sense are basically tossed right into depths of hell, whether you look upon this as "surrealistic" artwork or amateur-hour is totally up to you....
q}
Title: Demons 2
Director: Lamberto Bava
Cast: David Knight, Nancy Brilli, Asia Argento
synopsis: sequel to "Demoni"{1985}, isnt anywhere near as bad as a few individuals make it out to be {although they are entitled to their own opinions}, but is a shameless exercise in daft-filmmaking anyways; owing more inspiration to that of "City of the Walking Dead" then it does to the original, a new demonic-infection spreads through a high-rise complex as a demon emerges from a television set {ala "The Video Dead"}, which is playing a "documentary" {or is it?} on the events of the first-film {which EVERYONE in the complex seems to be viewing!}, from here on out its rampage-holocaust; doesnt sound to bad does it, and it really isnt THAT bad {really}, but the continuity & acting-logic are way out of whack {surprising when you consider Lamberto Bava, Dario Argento and Dardano Sacchetti all collaborated on this project}
r}
Title: Psycho Cop
Director: Wallace Potts
Cast: Bobby Ray Schaffer
synopsis: a satanic police officer {evident by the fact that he washes his hands in blood & has '666' tattooed on his hand} stalks and offs a sextet of teens staying at a backwoods resort-getaway; while a police officer-slasher may sound like an interesting idea, it had already been done before {"Maniac Cop" anyone?}, not to mention the big-dude playing him falls victim to the "Freddy Krueger" curse of being loaded with a plethora of crummy one-liners {ex. "ya shouldnt run from the law!, hahahahahahaha!!!" * "Im going to have to throw the book at you!!"}, and is a colossally-crummy actor ontop of that {gee, Friday the 13th really had it easy by making Jason a mute}...
s}
Title: Hell of the Living Dead
AKA: "Virus", "Inferno dei Morti Viventi", "Zombie Creeping Flesh", "Night of the Zombies"
Director: "Vincent Dawn" {Bruno Mattei}
Cast: Frank Garfeeld, Selan Karray, Margit Evelyn Newton
synopsis: and the award for being the biggest and most blatant "Dawn of the Dead" clone goes to....this film; everything from the s.w.a.t uniforms right down to the "Goblin" soundtrack gets recycled in this lurid tale of experimental-nutrition gas leaking from a factory off of Papua, New Guinea, which resurrects the corpses of all the native islanders & factory workers who begin to feast on the living, the response; send in a cack 4-man team of greasy-smarmy "Interpol" agents, who are given no further orders other than to simply 'reach' the factory-centre{!}; in addition, If Mattei's use of "mondo-geographic" stock-footage to stand in for actually being IN the country doesnt regale you enough, dig such scenes as a s.w.a.t member donning a tu-tu and top-hat {for no reason} and some 'choice' dialogue
{"dont let it worry you, I think we'll all meet again...in HELL!!} AND >>>
{"he must be nuts, hes speaking to those gooks}
t}
Title: Bloody Moon
Director: Jesus Franco
Cast: Christoph Moosbrugger,
synopsis: horribly dubbed spanish & german actors abound in this 'extremely intense' slasher/giallo from Jesus Franco; a disfigured young man named Miguel returns to an all-women, spanish language-school {naturally...this is a Jesus Franco film afterall}; where years later he mistakenly murdered a girl with scissors {in cabin #13 no less!} for turning him away when she removed his mickey mouse mask {dont ask}; several more {gory} murders begin starting up, and all fingers point to Miguel...or is it! Despite possessing many jaw-droppingly gruesome fx-scenes {and a few genuine-suspense scenes}, this is outweighed by many jaw-droppingly crappy scenes such as a chick pantomiming sex {by herself} by jumping up and down on her bed/tearing sheets and a woman dodging a {obviously foam} 'boulder' falling off a cliff {spooky}
u}
Title: Coven
AKA: "The Devil Master", "Master of Evil", "Demon Lover"
Director: Donald Jackson
Cast: Christmas Robbins, Gunnar Hansen
synopsis: pure 70's "drive-in" fodder, features a Satanic/Karate expert named 'Laval Blessing', whom {inbetween long karate-lessons and engaging in bar-fights with local redneck-hicks} vengefully attempt to pay back his former occultic/black magic-group for ditching his ceremonies, resurrects a nasty demon {a glowy-eyed viking/jim henson muppet hybrid} to off them {one by bloody one}; nearly descending into "so-bad-its-good" territory, "Coven" features HORRIBLE fx-work, HORRIBLE film-quality {resembling a car-commercial from the mid-1970's}, and {as usual for films of this type}, some very 'choice' dialogue >>>
{2 rednecks finding a corpse}
"Look pete, a dead body! just like on t.v"
and>>>
{Detective}
"Where can I find these Occultic groups"
{Gunnar Hansen - in a very brief cameo-role}
"That would be difficult, the practitioners of evil dont exactly subscribe themselves to the yellow-pages"{!}
{The Final "5" "Worst of..." coming very soon} >>>>
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Epinions.com ID:
cdoggx
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Member: Cdogg X
Location: Ontario, Canada
Reviews written: 78
Trusted by: 4 members
About Me:
Inspire to draw upon my Hellfire
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