Paul Lorentz Near Naked In An Epinions Bath Towel As A Metaphor For All Things
Nov 14 '04 (Updated Nov 20 '04)
The Bottom Line what can i say? we left it all on the field.
Good ol' Continental Airlines, always keeping us on our toes. I was waiting on Mike (speeddemon531) to come through Detroit Metro Airport this past Friday so that I would have someone to ride with me on my four hour trip to the Chi-town to go to the Epinions Meet and Greet. Got to the airport at 8pm, an hour and15 minutes before his flight was due. Left at 10:30pm, without Mike.
See, the thing is, at this point, I was seriously doubting whether or not I would go to the Epinions Meet and Greet, considering I had no interest in driving 8 hours of the next 32 by myself. So, what was, could have not been. That would be so sad.
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"Now I've been happy lately, thinking about the good times to come
And I believe it could be, something good has begun"
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I bet you'd really like to know why I'm quoting "Peace Train" by Cat Stevens. Well because really, I didn't feel quoting that "Hit Me Baby One More Time" song by Britney Spears was so pertinent to this write-up. Nor is "Super Freak" by Rick James. And, ya'know, neither is "Nuthin' But A G Thang" by Dr. Dre and Snoop Doggy Dogg.
Anyhow, the boring stuff is that Mike arrived on a flight at 12:30am, we had a beer, went to sleep, woke up, drove to Chicago, looked for Paul (plorentz) at Dave and Busters, saw Garrett (roheblius) and Crystal instead, checked into the Holiday Inn, and then went back to Dave and Busters for the Meet and Greet.
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"Oh I've been smiling lately, dreaming about the world as one
And I believe it could be, some day it's going to come"
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So I met and I gret like a good metter and gretter should. 3pm-6pm CST was the time when the Meet and Greet was held and, well, what can you say about the activities there? You meet people you previously only saw as a concept and you drink beer. Good people. Free Beer. Oh yeah. Or as Lil' Jon (or Mike) would say, "YE-AH!"
First person I saw that I recognized was the wild 'n crazy Lori (drdevience). It's always good to see one of the more smiley people on Earth, first thing. Then there was the superest category lead on the planet, Shelly.
S-H-E, she's runnin' this music sh-t. L-L-Y, she's runnin' this music sh-t. What? It's from Jay-Z's "The Takeover". You don't...alright, anyhow.
Shelly said she's shy. I have a question for you all and it's strictly for deep, philosophical contemplation, but if someone you have never met is telling you off the bat that they're shy, how shy can they really be? Didn't take long before she was off and running on books, music, movies, and later, even atheism and marriage. It got deep, man.
Okay, by this point I realize that it is just not going to work for me to tell you about every person that I met. If I met you and you don't find yourself in this review, please don't be offended. I love you in sweet, sweet ways.
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"Cause out on the edge of darkness, there rides a peace train
Oh peace train take this country, come take me home again"
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Ladies and gentlemen, I have a truth to spread and you: Epinions Music rules all. You may not agree or accept that, but even Radiohead has issues with 2 plus 2. Still, the answer is always four and Epinions Music rocks the party that rocks the body like nobody else.
This was proven time and time again Saturday night. With all due respect to the awesomely fun Ben (drfaustus) and Hahna (willowchild) (and whatever music person I might be forgetting), let's stick to THE GROUP. The ones with us from start to finish. The Super Troopers of Epinions Music representing at Chicago. I'm talking Paul Lorentz. What up to Andrew Padgett. A big "OKAY!" to Michael Heyliger. Grande ups to Garret Gonzales. An awkward pat on the back to Eric Thompson (who?). And, of course, we would be lost without our lead, Shelly Towne. Then there were the honorary members such as Andrew's wife Amy (pearannoyed), Caroline (dizzybint - books represent!) and her husband Eugene (simply known as "guest" by his name tag). What can you really say about these people? They're all insane in really good ways!
At the Meet and Greet, everything was pretty straight-forward. Mike and I held down the alcoholic beverages, since Epinions.com told us she would pay our bill from 3-6. Let the Amstel Light and Goldschlager flow! Paul served me with a CD that he claims is from the Socialist perspective. Che Guevera thanked him from the photo on my name tag. Andrew got me started on my fatal attraction problems, which was neat since I had always wondered just who was really reading my Live Journal (though, of course, I know a few). I expressed my distaste for Modest Mouse's new CD; Shelly expressed her distaste for The Smiths, in general. We played a virtual-mech video game with a group of people. I tried explaining to Caroline, Eugene, and Hahna about how hip-hop is not as limited as the radio makes it sound. Oh, and Abraham (openroad) came and talked to me when I was shunned for my smoking behaviors! Okay, I wasn't shunned, but he was nice. Anyhow, what I'm really getting at is that, this is what you expect this kind of social event to be. Just much smoother because of the nature of the people.
Then Paul met the Epinions bath towel.
This may be the most talked about story from the Meet and Greet, but oh well. It's pretty essential. See, in the music category, we know that Paul can be a bit of a nut. Just go read his review of Pink's last album. But perhaps others haven't been exposed to his work. Maybe when they told Paul to model the Epinions bath towel, they thought that he'd just laugh it off. I mean, surely he wouldn't take everything but his draws off right there in the Dave and Buster's banquet room. Oh, but folks, you had another thing coming. All but the underwear and socks came off. It was very telling that none of us, myself included, turned away or felt uncomfortable. We were more of the hooting and hollering types. Indeed, the crowd went wild; Paul soaked it up. It was a moment that will live in infamy.
After the Meet and Greet our party liaison, Andrew, gave us a place to meet up later that evening for food and more drinks. And Karaoke. The only question was, would we be the karaoke?
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"Now I've been smiling lately, thinking about the good things to come
And I believe it could be, something good has begun"
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Before we became anything, it was back to the hotel for me, Mike, Paul, Shelly, and Garrett. There we discussed such topics as Epinions, Michael Jackson, and the ever-so popular and ever-so broad topic of music, movies, and books Eric has never heard of. It was quite educational. I learned certain things about each person involved and while I'm not inclined to divulge personal things about these people, it was truly cool to actually feel like I was getting to know them. Not just through works of writing, but through conversation. Never underestimate the importance of learning the substance of people and not taking their persona for granted on a website.
Note to self: remember, you must hear Belle & Sebastian and watch "Donnie Darko".
Before I fell asleep on the chair from the dangerous combination of alcohol intake and inactivity, we got rollin'. Garret came by in a cab, as we crammed four guys in the back, while Shelly was fanned and fed grapes in the front. Off to The Blue Frog. Chicago wasn't ready. And it has still not fully recovered at the writing of this piece.
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"Oh peace train sounding louder
Glide on the peace train
Come on the peace train
Yes peace train holy roller
Everyone jump on the peace train
Come on the peace train"
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The Blue Frog was just an awesome place. TVs from the 80s; small and hiding from the rest of the city; nothing you'd take your grandma to. In short, my favorite kind of place, full of character and spirit. When we (meaning the whole group I mentioned earlier) got to The Blue Frog and saw the karaoke books, it was as if all else was secondary. The mic was the holy grail and our quest began and ended with the little cards that were used to make our musical requests. Shelly, Garrett, Caroline, and Eugene played the role of superfans/support group. Trust me, I would need it.
With the anticipation building as we waited for the DJ (sung in Bilal's obnoxious cadence), I had superb quesadilla grande, had an excellent time talking basketball with the guys, and had a clarifying time talking religion and marriage with the group (especially Garrett and Shelly- both very opinionated and articulate on these topics). I still can't conceptualize myself as married, but that's just me. It was just interesting talking to people that are married about the subject. I also drank my share of beer, getting me all lubbed up for some karaoke. It was funny, too, 'cause I felt like Andrew was my long lost uncle as we talked about the poor decisions I made in the context of his own children. Of course, I think we talked about that as I had a beer in one hand and a cigarette in the other. But let us not understate how neat it is when concern is expressed by people you never thought you'd really even know. I got a good dose of that from the indomitable Ed Grover (ed_grover) and the sweet Kristina F-dot, H-dot (kristinafh) at the gathering, too. But now I'm way off on a tangent.
When the karaoke DJ finally arrived, simply, it was on! First up: yeah, you guessed it, Paul!
"Hit Me Baby One More Time" (if that's even the title). Okay, maybe I should've seen this coming. But I didn't. This set the tone for everything. Paul caressed himself. He got emotional. He got the whole crowd into it. He got down on one knee and he felt it! It was, in a word, vintage. So when Mike and I were up next with "Ain't Nuthin' But A G Thang", there was no wonder why we didn't even try to live up to that. We held our own, though. Mike tried to keep it at least PG-13; I proceed to rap, "who gives a f-ck about hoes?" That, of course, contradicted everything I talked to Caroline and Eugene about earlier, but that's for another General Music Review.
Andrew and Amy seriously tore the spot up with the sentimental love balled (insert name of song). It got me more emotional than Carl Thomas after a tough break-up. When Andrew told me he sang for so many years, I guess I underestimated what that meant. Undoubtedly the best exercise in vocal skills all night long.
If I could remember what the other songs were called that Paul sang, that'd be spectacular. Then again, it probably doesn't matter. What does is that this guy was the life of the part, life of the bar, and everyone was loving him. I seriously had a woman ask me, "do you know Paul?" He was all over the place, just dancing like the Broadway superstar he was always meant to be. And don't let the whole homosexual thing fool you, this guy is a serious chick magnet. I mean, the ladies just love him. Especially that drunken Margie girl. I'm pretty sure she wanted to have his babies. But anyhow, this P-dot Lorentz guy is as advertised.
That's not to take anything away from the rest of us. Mike and I had a quality duet of El Debarge's "Rhythm of the Night". Luckily, for the audience, his mic was a bit louder than mine. He absolutely mastered Rick James's "Super Freak". He had us all super freakin' (ye-ow!). We danced and we partied. To be redundant, we screamed all the Lil' Jon-isms and eventually got other people at the bar to do the same. And, hell, even those who didn't sing or necessarily freak out on the dance-floor were able to indulge those of us on-deck in intriguing bar-talk. It was a mix of personalities that worked nicely. In that, it makes me sort of sad that I don't have any true who-cares-what-anyone-else-thinks, fun-loving people to go to places like this with around here. Everyone is so concerned with their image in college. Not so for our Epinions Music group. We were exclusively concerned with having a great time. Isn't that how it should be?
I suppose I will be harassed in the comment section if I don't mention how bad I fudged Cat Stevens' "Peace Train". Sincere apologies to the folk legend. I thought I could do it. Really. It didn't start out so bad. But eventually, I forgot where to come in and, whoa, I gave the hecklers something to grumble about! Even with that, I got some lighters waving. Paul says that I hate freedom because I sang that song. George W. Bush would probably say the same. And ya'know what? I do hate freedom. We should all be required by the government to go karaokeing once per week, as a way of airing out our minds from the hard work of the week. It'd be better for society.
Needless to say, it was so sad when we had to leave at midnight. Well, for one, I had a chance at redemption with a song I know like the back of my hand, "Under the Bridge". And more importantly, it meant that the night was going to end. Tomorrow (or today, as I'm writing this the day after), it was back to Ypsilanti and reality. Sad face, come out and play.
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"Get your bags together, go bring your good friends too
Cause it's getting nearer, it soon will be with you"
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Okay, so the night didn't really end for a few of us when we got back to the Holiday Inn, but whatever. I told Mike and Paul (my roomies) that I was going to have a smoke in the main lobby. That turned into about four smokes and a gin-n-tonic. That, in turn, led to me crashing a wedding reception after party where I spoke to a young lady about the socioeconomic status of the Chicago suburbs and with a young gentlemen about Epinions.com (he was like, "yeah, I've read that!") and his girlfriend (who was hot). Indeed, I was drunk. Considering that we had to be up at 5:30 in the morning, I probably should have been sleeping. But I wasn't.
After a bit of humorous late-night conversation with Paul and Mike, it was beddy time. Around 2am, it was lights out on a day that will live in my memory forever.
As Mike and I proceeded down the dark, empty freeway that would lead us from Chicago to our inevitable realities, I think it really hit both of us harder than it previously had. When you're a part of something like Epinions, the definition of an "internet connection" goes far beyond the cord from the computer to the wall. Here's hoping that if you haven't figured that out by now, you will soon.
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"Now come and join the living, it's not so far from you
And it's getting nearer, soon it will all be true"
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For more information about Cryptic Cradle and his reviews, please click here.
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This has been a Cryptic Cradle Production.
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Epinions.com ID:
crypticcradle
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Member: Eric
Location: San Luis, AZ
Reviews written: 72
Trusted by: 136 members
About Me:
lord if you've got lungs, c'mon and shout me out!
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