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Chi-Town Will Never Be The Same Again

Nov 14 '04 (Updated Nov 16 '04) Write an essay on this topic.

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The Bottom Line Why can't this be like Groundhog Day? November 13th is a day that deserves to be repeated several times.

Narrator: When we last saw Speeddemon531 at an Epinions Meet & Greet, he..."

Hi, y'all. Sorry 'bout that. Don't know where this voiceover guy came from anyway.

So my username is Speeddemon531, but the people that don't call me "*sshole" call me "Mike". I just came from Chicago, Illinois, where the most recent Epinions Meet & Greet was held at a place called Dave & Busters. As some of you know now from reading all of the other Meet & Greet write-ups, the real fun was at the karaoke spot that I don't remember the name of. Was it called The Rusty Dog? Not like I didn't just read Paul's review of the whole shindig, but you know what? I only slept for an hour last night. I'm running on fumes.

And as for the whole Boston meet thing, let's just try to shove that under the rug. I was an idiot for wearing my emotions on my sleeve and then rubbing that sleeve all over my review of the actual event. That's why I deleted it. Won't be makin' the same mistake this time.

FACT: I repeat myself. Often. I repeat myself. Often.

The best part of Epinions for me is the community aspect. Let's be frank here. I don't have a lot of friends. What this site has done-in addition to sharpening my writing skills-is that it's introduced me to a lot of people who are sort of in my boat. Particularly over the past 6 months or so, I've met some seriously quality people-all veterans of Epinions-and have yet to have a negative opinion of one. That fact alone enhances my sense of belonging here. So, the prospect of meeting new people at this Meet-N-Greet had me pretty stoked. Especially since the quality of the attendees was so strong.

Turns out that Dave & Buster's had the sharpest presentation of any of the three Meets that I've been to. For what was essentially a virtual reality/pool/game place, the setup was pretty classy. I didn't get a whole lot of food there, but dammit the free beer was good. And I certainly drank enough of it.

Before I go any further, I'd like to say that I was joined for this excursion by my man Crypticcradle, an intelligent, outgoing guy who listens to a lot of Radiohead, loves his beer, and doesn't mind the fact that I call him "cracker" all the time. After making the drive from Detroit in a little over 4 hrs (after some serious plane drama the night before), we hit D&B's about 1:45 or so, with the intention of meeting the force of nature known as Paul Lorentz. We didn't catch up with the "P" right away, but we did run into my homie stromie Garrett (AKA Roheblius) and the lovely Christal.

At this point, allow us to pause and say what every single guy says when Christal is sufficiently out of earshot...

"DAMN, she's hot!!"

But I digress. With the excuse that we had to check on Eric's car, which was parked in the Holiday Inn lot without us having checked in, we split back to the hotel.

FACT: I just didn't want to get there early and have to set up the Epi dolls, which I did last time.

By the time Eric and I rolled back to D&B's, the place had filled up somewhat. I was immediately attacked by one of my favorite ladies, Lori AKA drdevience, who got the second biggest Mike-hug of the weekend (more on the hug business later). Along for the ride was her new squeeze, Tom Barnes AKA tombarnes.

Our exchange went a little something like this.

ME: "Hey, Tom, I'm Mike. Nice to meet ya."
TOM: "Hey Mike, how's it going?"
ME (in thought bubble form): "Mess with her and I'll break your face, buddy".

Eric was alsready in schmooze-mode at this point, at which point I heard the name Shelly, looked up and was greeted by Music category leadstress Lambchops in all her glory.

My first thoughts: "Dammit, she's tall!"

Not only is Shelly tall, but she's also one nice lady, which of course made me feel like a total tool for antgonizing her at various points over the course of my Epinions career (my original title for this review was gonna be "Wow, Shelly Really Isn't A B*tch After All!!".

At that point, the place was already fairly full, in direct contrast to Boston, which took a while to load up. The turnout was strong, and I actually "knew" a lot of the folks there.

I was greeted by a strong embrace from Caroline AKA dizzybint, who didn't think I knew who she was even though I'd already been tipped off by dpjohansen that she'd be there. She proceeded to give me a "hug from David", although if David were really there, (this statement has been deleted by Epinions for perverse and explicit content).

So, um, anyway...

There's not a lot to say about the Meet itself-the whole vibe of the event has to do with the people who were there. The Epinions employees (who are probably tired of seeing my mug by now) were happy and perky as per usual (even though there was no Alexis...*sniff*). I got to bearhug Kristinafh (thanks so much, btw), who was busy trying to identify the food that the D&B folks had laid out for us (turned out to be quiche...right??).

At this point, the Music Category was definitely in full representation mode. Aside from Kristina, Shelly, Eric, garrett and myself, we were joined by the handsome and jovial DrFaustus AKA Ben, as well as the immortal bob_tomato and his lovely wife pearannoyed, and the elusive but finally captured Mr. Lorentz, who handed us all mix CDs (no, I haven't listened to it yet and I'll need your address to send you some back). Mine had a cover with a disc drawn on it and the title of "This Is Not A Compact Disc". Let's hear it for creativity, folks.

By the way, Andrew. Eric said you were the most normal person on the site. Take that as a compliment! I was just impressed that you completely negated the (negative) perception I had of born-agains by being an absolute cool dude. Oh, and by dropping a couple of "F Bombs". Even folks who love God cuss.

Point blank-it was an enjoyable event. I don't remember much beyond the halfway point, except for Paul impersonating the Midnight Oil guy after we discussed him being elected to the Australian senate. Oh, yeah, he took off his clothes to, didn't he?

YES!! Hopefully banishing forever the fact that I took my shirt off at the last Meet to place a couple of Epi dolls on my nippies, the Lorentz almost gave us the full monty in order to model the beautiful Epinions towels, which made their second consecutive appearance as the official giveaway of the Meet 'N Greet.

FACT: If you don't wash the towel before you use it for the first time, you're gonna end up wiping pieces of cotton off of your body all day.

After some Epinions birthday cake and a stop in the virtual reality section of D&B's, where Garrett and I ignored the goings-on and talked about Michael Jackson for 20 minutes, it was time to begin Phase II of "Epinions Takes Over Chicago". By the time we got to..sh*t, what was the name of the place again?...the group had been whittled down to myself, Eric, Paul, Andrew & Amy, Shelly and Caroline and her "guest", Eugene. And Caroline, I will say this...I will love you forever, if only for the fact that you said "aboot" in perfect Canadian style. I don't know why, but just hearing an actual Canuck use that word practically made my day.

Anyway, once we got to the Rusty Dog (actually The Blue Frog, but dammit, Rusty Dog sounds much better, don't it?), Paul and Andrew were about to go karaoke crazy. I'd never vocalized in public before and was quite ambivalent about singing in front of, you know, actual people. Then I had a beer and said "aw, f*ck it". I grabbed a book of songs and we all searched for the right music to embarrass our-uh, sing. Yeah, sing. That's it.

FACT: PAUL LORENTZ SINGS BRITNEY BETTER THAN BRITNEY DOES

Our man "P" began the proceedings with a shameless version of "...Baby One More Time" highlighted by some awesome choreography. It was a standard-setting performance that he nearly equalled with several interpretive-dance inspired movements during other folks' performances. He returned to do a highly caffeinated version of The Proclaimers' "I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles)" and a version of Meat Loaf's "Paradise By The Dashboard Light" that featured 3 chicks replicating the Ellen Foley part, but alas, no one to emulate Phil Rizzuto (his part was piped in, I think...I was heavily intoxicated by this point).

Paul, the obvious star of the evening, also contributed to the ambience of the evening by setting up stage near the middle of the venue and shaking his *ss along with some very drunk women, including one whose name I never got, but managed to drag me out to dance to "I Will Survive". Well, maybe dancing's not the right term. I sort of jogged into place while she demonstrated the least rhythm of any person (drunk or sober), I think I have ever seen.

As for the rest of us, I missed most of Eric's "Peace Train" performance because nature called, but I also used the opportunity of his performance to sneak into his pack of Marlboro Lights and smoke my first cigarette in well over a year. Andrew & Amy delivered a stunning version of "When I Fall In Love" that had me swaying and swooning in my seat like a lovesick puppy, and...oh yeah, I did a couple songs.

The Speeddemon Set List

1. "Nuthin' But A G Thang" (with Eric)-After much arguing, he was Dre, I was Snoop. I did the whole "wave your hands from side to side" crowd-participation thing during the chorus (about 5-6 people complied). Eric suddenly switched from clean version to super-dirty on the last verse, leaving me to complete my verse while simultaneously convulsing in laughter Way to loosen me up, Eric.

2. "Super Freak"-I was wearing a Rick James T-shirt. It seemed kinda obvious. I think Garrett recommended it, I mulled it over, then said "what the hell". Thanks, Eric for the assist on the background vocals.

3. "Rhythm Of The Night"-Eric's mike was mysteriously turned down for this duet. While singing, I kept having visions of "The Last Dragon" and the evil Sho' Nuff. I think that's when I knew I should stop drinking for the night.

4. "The Girl Is Mine"-Mike and Paul do Mike and Paul. And this also wins Paul the Quotable award for the weekend:

Me: "This one goes out to all the ladies out there"
Paul: "You know we're all about the ladies!!"

The best thing I can say about this performance is that it culminated with the two of us screaming "she's mine!" at the top of our lungs to one another.

At this point, it was probably a good time to head back to the hotel, and that's what we did. It had been one of those really pleasantly exhausting days, and some shut eye needed to be had.

For me, there was no shut eye.

Maybe it was the nervousness brought on by having to be up at 5 AM. Maybe it was sharing a room with two snorers. Either way, I have slept for exactly 60 minutes over the course of the last 40 or so hours, and I have to work tomorrow, so believe me, beddy bye is callin!

I've gotta say, despite the fact that some of us (including myself sometimes) are somewhat embarrassed because of our allegiance to Epinions, there's some weird intangible "X factor" that causes us to bond in little ways. Especially with a lot of the folks in the Music section, one of the world's bigger dysfunctional families. And I think when a voice and a face and mannerisms are added to those usernames and icons you see on profile pages, it makes the bond much stronger.

While I don't know how much this review has to do with the actual meetin' and greetin', I gotta thank everyone that came out, especially the folks that hung around for karaoke, for making this weekend particularly enjoyable for a variety of reasons! Let's do it again!

FACT: When giving Paul Lorentz his goodbye hug at 5:15 AM, I, Speeddemon531, managed to lift Paul (who's got a good 25 or so pounds on me) about 2 or 3 inches off the floor. (Makes muscle) I'm proud of myself!

DISCLAIMER: Any spelling and/or grammatical errors are the result of extreme sleeplessness and/or the after0effects of consuming a great deal of alcohol. Speeddemon531 is not responsible for any medical issues such as drowsiness that may result from reading this essay. Thank you.

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