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The MarriageNov 29 '04 Write an essay on this topic.
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The Bottom Line No pity parties allowed on my page.
Art and Rita are two very special adults. Art, 56, lived in a board and care facility for the developmentally disabled. The men who live in this home required a high level of supervision due to their difficulty in controlling aggression and self injurious behaviors. Art was a pretty quiet guy who enjoyed painting and singing. Art worked closely with the house manager when he felt frustrated. He was diagnosed with mild mental retardation and a long list of health diagnoses. Rita, who is 60, lived in residential care facility for the elderly. Unlike Art, Rita was quite independent and was able to arrange her transportation using the bus going to the shopping mall. Quite often, she would make her own arrangements to go to the ER without telling her House Manager. She was able call the care provider when she missed the bus to come back home. She used a walker with daisy stickers arrange along the metal legs and often wore an oversized flower print dress and a blue hat. Rita was quite boisterous in the home she shared with 4 other seniors and was very protective of her possessions. She has a diagnosis of Down's Syndrome, but she'll let you know what kind of gal she really is. Art and Rita met at their job site where they had worked for the past 3 years. The had similar assignments but worked in different sections of the building. They saw each other daily at lunch and were often found at the lunch truck together while taking their breaks. Both worked sorting items and putting clothes on hangers. They sat together at the table next to the job coach's office because Art would steal other worker's lunches. And Rita would steal Art's lunch items and hoard any of his belongings she could get her hands on. She was crazy about Art and bragged about marrying him. He had not even proposed. This was the only time that Art and Rita spent any time together. The homes they lived in were almost 15 miles apart and due to the level of supervision Art required, Rita's caregiver was not willing to allow them to spend anytime alone. However, the two board and care administrators arranged their outings so that the two friends could spend time together in a safe environment. Art and Rita had talked of marriage. Most of the paid supports in their lives did not support such an act that most of us enjoy. How could two mentally retarded adults get married? Where would they live? The two homes were different levels, hence, one would be inappropriate at the other. Who would support such an act? What would the families say? Art's family was not actively involved in his life. Rita's sister was not in support of marriage either. The case manager, however, in concert with the staff and care providers decided to hold a marriage ceremony in the back yard where Rita lived. Paging through the Monday edition of the local newspaper at Starbucks, to my amazement was a photograph of Art and Rita in the Family section. There it was, "Art Wells and Rita Johnson United in Marraige". The article detailed the event put on by the case manager, the care providers and the other residents of the home. And there they stood in the picture, hold hands, Rita's face glowing and Art standing so proud of his new bride. She had a white lace gown on and Art stood tall in his dark blue tuxedo. The woman sitting across from me had commented on the article and said, "don't ya feel sorry for them?" An interesting fact: Art and Rita are not legally married. There was a ceremony, but no certificate. There was a cake, punch, and photographs, but no license. As of this date, Rita remains in the home where she has spent the last six years with her roommates. Art has a terminal illness and awaits his departure from this life in a nursing home. "Right in front of our eyes, people with developmental disabilities were living. And enjoying life. This is a cause for sadness? For grief? For mourning? No wonder people with disabilities have half baked nutcases running after them with suicide machines. People just don't get it." (Dave Hingsburger, A Little Behind, 2000) _________________________________________________________ I don't use politically correct terminology so don't send me replies about my vocabulary. It is what it is and the mainstream society made it bad when it really isn't, so please don't give me a lecture about this topic. Persons with developmental disabilities and seniors are a huge part of my life. That is why I work with them and have worked with them for over 10 years. I can't imagine doing anything else. I have this story posted on journalspace.com. In keeping with the strict confidentiality laws enforced by the federal government, I will change names of everyone and everything.  |
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