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Ask Insane Questions--Get Insane Answers!Dec 01 '04 Write an essay on this topic.
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The Bottom Line There's so much I need to be doing, so why the heck am I participating in this stupid write-off!?! Answer: Because there's so much I need to be doing!
Once upon a time, I decided to crash this nuttier-than-a-Payday-Bar W/O hosted by hugh_u_kidden called Getting To Know You Through The Filter Of Hugh, and what follows are the insane results... 1) Who do you think you are? 29th_Candidate's wife! Doesn't that scare you poopless!?! 2) What does it mean when you say "I'm not myself today"; Who are you then? Not myself, of course! DUH!?! 3) Can you burp the entire English Alphabet? No, but I've managed to halfway reply to this question by hiccupping: "Hic, no!" 4) Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural? Because a bunch of lunatics were in charge of creating the English language--but don't worry, because I've captured them, put them into a fishbowl, and stuck pins into them! 5) What are you wearing right now? Plastic-wrap and whipped cream with chocolate sprinkles and a cherry on top of my belly-button, as I'm currently lying down on a bed of lettuce! 6) What's for dinner tonight? For you, it's a poo-poo links, ABC gum, boogars, and that famous BBQ recipe from The Whistle Stop Cafe. Me? I'm fasting! Dive in!!! 7) What happens if you put the "This side up" side face down while popping microwave popcorn? The Mattress Tag Police will arrest you on circumstancial evidence, since you seem to fit into a pattern of the kind of person who would commit the heinous crime of pulling mattress tags off of mattresses! 8) Have you ever snooped in somebody else's medicine cabinet? No, that's too boring! I would rather open someone's septic tank and see how many Polish-sausage-shaped pooplogs I find therein! The two-toned ones are especially fascinating--especially, when they both float and have corn in them!!! 9) If you don't pay your exorcist, do you get repossessed? Nope! I just get possessed by flabby, little imps, due to lack-of-exhorcise! 10) How much lint do you usually find in your navel? A little more than I might find in an orange's navel! 11) If you had a metal plate in your head, would you worry about rusting? Look, I have too much to do to focus on brainwashing dishes, so any plate I have up there would be disposable paper, cardboard, or styrofoam! 12)Can you blow up a balloon under water? Using which part of my body, pray tell? 13) You're not going to eat THAT, are you? No, sweetie--YOU are!!! 14) If you were on an airplane, and said Hi to a friend whose name is Jack, what would happen to you? I'd see Jack hurrying to see the pilot to request a different flight--even if we were already a mile up in the air! And I still would be clueless! 15) Have you ever called someone on the phone, and just as they answered, you realize you forgot who you are calling? I'd just pretend that it was Jack from #14 and go on whispering sweet nothings and telling him what I wasn't wearing! Oh yes! Breathing and moaning heavily while singing Love To Love You Baby! Then, the person on the other end could decide for themselves if I were singing, moaning, and breathing to Jack or to that giant box of designer chocolates I'm going to for oral pleasure! 16) How old were you when you learned to tie your shoes?None of your blankity-blank-blank business! OKAY! I confess! I get someone else to tie them--a studmuffin whenever possible, even if I have to pay him!!! No wonder I'm always broke!!! 17) Do you ever find your nose whistling when you're at an extremely formal dinner? Not sure--and I'm going to take The Fifth if you ask about my butt quacking in similar circumstances! 18) Don't you find it weird that we teach our kids the rhyme "Rub a dub dub, three men in a tub"? The only thing that I find weird is that the itsy-bitsy spider didn't crawl in there with them so that they end up jumping out of the tub in their birthday suits to swim to shore along the Atlantic City Boardwalk so that Donald Trump could tell them that they're fired!!! . 19) Can you burp and let a stink at the same time? Not sure about myself, but I bet that Tim Allen can! 20) What are those little things on the end of your shoelaces called? Since the last studmuffin I hired to service me in the way of shoelace-tying left the laces too long so that they dragged on the ground and I stepped on them, my guess is what you see are doggie dingleberries! Now that you've read mine, would you like to hop on the bandwagon headed for the nearest rubber room!?! Good! I kinda thought you would!!!  |
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