Happy Holidays - The Realistic Holiday Card Form Letter Write-OffDec 10 '04 Write an essay on this topic.
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The Bottom Line If life is graded on the bell curve, must my family always be the standard deviation? If I sent a holiday form letter, this would be it.
'Tis the season - that most wonderful time of the year, filled with fun and merriment as far as the eye can see. There's egg to nog, trees to trim, presents to wrap, and Rankin Bass specials to watch (go Heat Miser). With all this happiness and hoo ha, it's hard to believe that anyone would ever be humbug. Most days I am happy and upbeat - running from here to there gathering the necessary items to build fond holiday memories for my 4 children. But every day (except Sunday), the witching hour arrives - the moment when my happiness turns to dismay and disbelief. That unavoidable hour when the mail lady arrives with a handful of holiday cards. For the most part I am happy to receive warm greetings from old friends and family, but how quickly that happiness can turn to humbug when you feel that extra thick envelope. You know the one I'm talking about - the one with the form letter telling you how wonderful a family someone has - how mom fills her day knitting sweaters for the homeless, how dad just got the promotion of a lifetime and how Billy and Susie are straight A students with early acceptance to Harvard. It's amazing how they find time to study - between all their volunteer activities, holding part time jobs to save for their education and being the captain of the football team and cheerleading squad (respectively). I received yet another one of these letters yesterday, and began to ponder - how truthful are they - how can everyone I know have such a wonderful life while I live in chaos and drama. I guess if life is graded on the bell curve, one family needs to be the standard deviation - the one that pulls everything down - I guess in my circle of friends - mine is that family. Then I began to think - if I am that family how hysterical would it be to send out a realistic form letter. Not the happy sappy kind everyone sends, but one that tells it like it is. If I wrote it, would I have the balls to send it? Then I began to think, why not host a write-off - one where the participants write a realistic holiday card form letter - an entry will not allowed if you write everything is perfect - you have to be honest and write how your year really was. To get this ball rolling I will post my here. Season's Greeting. It's that fabulous time of year again, the one where we catch up on what has been happening with each other. For the first time ever, I am enclosing a form letter to let you know what has been happening, but don't worry this one won't make you grab a shot of insulin to get over the sugary rush you normally feel when you finish reading one of these letters - remember this is Nancy and I'm writing about my family. Think of this as my gift to you - a way to make you feel better about what you have and to appreciate it a little bit more. As you will notice, this is the first time in 15 years I am not sending out a photo card of my children (perhaps some of you find relief in this) - if you are sad because you cannot see how much the little ones have grown, feel free to stare at last years photo and imagine who my angels look one year later, if you don't have a good imagination, feel free to scan in that card and use the age enhancement software I have enclosed for a more accurate picture of what they look like. I truly tried to send a photo card, but circumstance was against me. My oldest was readmitted to an inpatient facility for her severe emotional problems (and you all thought she was just dramatic). We tried to find a picture of her to cut and paste into the family photo, but we were unable to get the other three children to pose. My 11 year old could not put his new DS down long enough to pose, my 9 year old with all his OCD issues could neither agree upon a spot to take the photo nor could he agree to not take the photo without the 15 security items he must carry with him at all times. My 7 year old is in her early diva stage and could not agree to any wardrobe, lighting and hairstyle options I offered to her and hence would not pose, so I was left with no option but to send the only cards left at my local Target. So just how was our year? 2004 started off with a bang, well more of a shot. On New Years Day I went out to get the paper and found out the rear window of my van had been shot out with a BB gun. Looking back that seems to be a very appropriate start to this year from h3ll. Had I known then what I know now, I may have run into the house set the clocks back and started off the year again on a more positive note. I ridiculously thought that would be the worst thing that happened to us this - how wrong I was. For those of you not up in the grill of our life. We pulled Nicole out of public high school to homeschool her in October of 2003 for skipping school, doing drugs and hanging with the wrong crowd (we did so because the wonderful public high school she attended told us that they can't keep track of all the students at the school on a daily basis. In October alone she cut class over 20 times and we were never notified - but I guess that's the state of education today). In the beginning she fought us, but we thought we had reached common ground and things seemed to be going well. That is until my life became a bad episode of Maury - I caught my lovey in bed with a boy. Too bad I didn't have my camera with me then - that would have made a lovely Christmas card photo. Unfortunately I didn't have it with me, so I just have to live forever with that image burned into my brain. I guess I do have her thank - I had been trying to shed a few unwanted pounds and was waffling between Atkins or South Beach - thanks to her I found the best diet ever - stress. I shed those few extra pounds and then some (along with handfuls of hair) I should be happy how many mothers of 4 can boast they are a size 1/2? After she ran away and we finally found her, we had to commit her to a facility so she could learn how to handle her emotional and impulse control issues since meds management and weekly psychotherapy didn't seem to be cutting it. But enough about Nicole, on to the other children. As you may have noticed, or been relieved, we are not visiting as much as usual. It's not that we don't enjoy your company or love hearing about how perfect your lives are, it's just that getting to your house has become a nightmare. Trevor and his many "special" issues have made traveling almost impossible. It isn't that he gets carsick or bores easily on long trips - we can't get the van out of the driveway. His OCD issues have made it almost impossible to get into the van and settle down without incident. Unless he can be the first one out the front door, the one who opens and closes the van door and gets to sit in his self-appointed seat he refuses to ride in the car. We are able to get him to and from school each day without incident (because of his deep seeded love of education), we just choose the limit the amount of extra trips we take. Van issues aside, he is his usual spunky self - saying the most inappropriate things at the loudest volume, critiquing what others wear and how hideous their outfits are, and constantly digging in just to make my life more difficult. On the upside he hasn't glued me to any chairs this year, but has found other ways to eek revenge when he feels I have slighted him - salt in my coffee, spilling pepper all over the dining room and other forms of mayhem. Alex and Claire are doing fine, or as fine as can be expected in this family. Alex is now in middle school and seems to be fitting in - he has come out of his shell and is making friends. Claire, the often neglected 4th child, has taken to verbalizing how neglected she is and how unfair everything is. On the upside, she has stopped ticketing members of the family for supposed infractions of her rules (how she thinks things should be) and has finally stopped screaming to get her way - see some things are better. The three little ones are all involved in tons of activities, newspaper, student government, plays, cub scouts, karate, etc. I am proud to report that I have only left children not picked up on time 3 times, which is much better than 2003. The summer months did bring happiness as we celebrated my parent's 50th Anniversary. Thanks to all of you who showed up and thanks even more to those who chose to RSVP and not show up, leaving me with more leftovers than I had room to store. In September things seemed to be on an even keel, and dare I say good, so we decided to increase our family. Since the children are old enough to take on responsibility, we decided to get a kitten. We adopted a lovely 6-month-old longhaired orange tabby. The children quickly named him Reaper - bad choice of name, he died 9 days later of feline leukemia - so much for trying to bring happiness to our home. As luck would have it a week later we drove past a free kitten sign and got a wonderful bother/sister pair we have named Plus and Minus. But even kittens in this house can't come without drama - after weeks of thinking they look nothing alike, we came to find out they have different dads. I shudder to think of the day when they bring this subject up to me and I have to explain what their momma did. Don't worry the year hasn't been a total loss there have been a few bright spots. * I was able to maintain my 15 year tradition of having my children believe that making cookies means slice and bake and that baking from scratch means adding egg and oil to a mix. * I finally got my nose and naval pierced - I figured if I was going to be in all that pain, why not make it real. * I was nominated to be my son's cub scout den leader for the 4th year running - OK, not as much nominated as won by default - it's amazing how willing others are to let people they can't stand do stuff because they don't have free time. (That's also why I'm in charge of the school traffic circle and afterschool science program) * I was only called into the school office 3 times (not counting the Nicole stuff). Once to explain what a milkshake was and why it would bring all the boys to the yard, and why my 6 year old was singing about it. Once to re-explain why my boys weren't wearing socks in winter (you can't have clean socks if you don't put dirty socks in the hamper) and once to defend my son's right to work alone - because as he so eloquently put it - working with a partner just slows you down and leads to substandard work. Nicole's unanticipated return to the IP facility was almost eclipsed by two other events this fall - a week before Thanksgiving I was told I may lose my job of 15 years due to restructuring of the survey and budget issues - while I don't love my job that much, I do appreciate having one that I can conduct full time from my house. I had to put on a Thanksgiving feast wondering if I would have a job in 2005 - luckily things were reworked and I will have a job. I also had to deal with my mother's increasing "forgetfulness" as she likes to call it. I finally had to discuss with the possibility of seeking treatment to slow down her memory loss, she is now not speaking to me and refuses to come to my house for Christmas. If you happen to live near her, please stop by on the 25th and say "Hi" from us. Of course there is always the hope she will forget she's mad at me and will show up. Overall this has been a year that has tried both patience and love. In reading this I hope you see that things are not always as bad as them seem. There's always light at the end of tunnel, it may just take some time to get there. I have tried to make it through this year by maintaining a sense of humor and trying to think things can't get worse (even when they did). I look forward to 2005 with the hope that things can't get worse than already are and they probably aren't as bad as they seem (it just looks worse when you are stuck in the middle of it). Happy Holidays If you would like to write your own realistic holiday letter, please drop me an e-mail at nancyd20876@yahoo.com. This is an impromptu write off that can be tied in to the holidays and me celebrating my 5th year at Epinions (on December 20th). I'd love to read your realistic letter and know I'm not the only one out there who doesn't have a perfect family and perhaps a prize will be given for the person who can make me feel better about my current situation.  |
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