Secret of Love Revealed Gyroscopically; Chase or Be ChasedDec 15, 2004 Write an essay on this topic.
Popular Products in BooksThe Bottom Line You are the chaser or the chasee. Trying to be one that you're not can backfire; being either can destroy you. Good luck.
Hello to my long lost Epinions friends!! Now, down to business...
After I filed for divorce in 2002, I went on a rebound kick--did the whole gym thing; went from 252 lbs. down to 200 nearly instantly, found the edges of my six pack, and met a 20-something lady who had the voice of an angel, and she rode crotch rockets (very well, and did stunts on them--she owned a Suzuki at the time) and she had an uncanny resemblance to Gwen Steffani, tattoos and facial piercings included.
I cannot go into how well we meshed as two adults do, in that category, because there aren't words for it, but if I could use two words to start, they would be "beyond perfect."
One thing led to another. She was hot, and sort of uncatchable, yet she wanted me to try--try for the real catch, the, "we are now monogamous boyfriend and girlfriend," kind of try. I tried. I sent roses and balloons when she got sick; I cooked for her when she visited...played with her son for hours on end when I visited her and I shamelessly used my adorable 3-year-old daughter to capture this woman's heart in every way I could.
But whenever she didn't respond emphatically to my pleas to see her, I shunned her. Part of that was because I couldn't take a chance on having another broken heart so soon after my filing for divorce; another was because no matter how fantastic somebody is, you can't woo the emotional equivalent of a brick wall. Even then, kissing, cuddling, and hugging were not in her nature. I learned during her visit over these past 4 days that they still aren't...
So for 2 years, an odd cycle has evolved with her an I. The thing sort of shapes up like this; every few months or so, she calls me to chat. She tells me about her son and asks about my daughter; we banter on the "what ifs," and "greener grass," discussions. Each time, I feel that the possibility of true long term gets stronger...if not, then why does she continue to call me every few months?
I didn't want this article to be instructional, but it is anyway. The reason why she calls every few months is sooo simple; it's because I don't call her every few months. In every single working, non-flash-in-the-pan relationship, there is a chaser and a runner. It is this gyroscopical movement that propels the relationship forward.
This summer, she called from a northern state to tell me she wanted to visit my daughter and I in a southern state. She had a history of optimistic thinking, which sort of never really worked out. She'd promise calls and e-mails that never arrived. So I had no faith that she really would visit, and sure enough, she disappeared again.
So I'm riding down the road last month, day before Thanksgiving, and I send her a text message out of the blue, not even really knowing if I was even sending it to the right phone number. I wrote, "I wish I could forget about you forever. Have a good Thanksgiving. I hope I can find another like you ;-)"
She quickly responded, claimed she'd really been thinking about my daughter and I, and told me she wanted to come visit. Ha! Sure, come on down, I'll blow up the invisible mattress since you won't show up, I'm thinking. But this time, she actually shows! Now, she's scheduled to visit for 10 days roughly, from Dec. 12-23rd. I'm in heaven...well, sort of...
Sunday, I pick her up. On the phone, we'd joked about not being able to make it out of the airport because we'd end up taking a detour to the nearest bathroom...but I got a quick hug instead. I noticed she'd gained weight; this made me happy because I could prove to her that I wasn't superficial, even though I worried about my relative good shape, with six-pack still intact, embarrassing her by comparison; it's not a good feeling. Seeing how she'd gained about 20 pounds lifted my heart; I desperately hoped that she had become a little self conscious about it, so I could really show her that I loved her--not only when she had the body (and face) of Gwen Stefani, but in any condition.
I take her to the beach front for drinks, we chat, have fun. That night, at home, no kiss, tiny little cuddling, and no hug. Next day, we shop at the mall; she doesn't really have them where she lives. So, the trip is going good so far; that night, no kiss, no hug, and she slowly moves away from my advances. Next day, her aunt dies, she says, and she has to fly home...a week early...so last night, no kiss, no hugs, and even in this sorrowful time, she won't let me hold her.
She left this morning, and has not called to even allow me to know she arrived home safely.
She did not seem emotionally affected by her aunt's death, and I'm not certain that it was even true; as I heard her talking on her cell phone (I was in the same room) some of the details were sort of contradicting one another. For example, she was on the phone telling her dad how he shouldn't worry, it was ok ("it," being the fact that he was asking her to come home early from this trip) because she and I could get together some other time. Yet, later, she said her dad was angry that she wasn't home already. There were more inconsistencies.
But maybe I'm wrong, right? Maybe her aunt did die, and she needs to go home and be with her father. Maybe she didn't hug or kiss me (or anything else--a serious oddity when one considers the speed at which our first meeting, two years ago, moved...) because she wanted to move slow and careful.
Why the sudden change? Why fly all the way down here to see me just to treat me like a cousin that she didn't know very well?
It's because I chased this time. She ran. Now, I have the oddest position, though--I'm really tired of chasing, permanently. I have decided that I ought to go ahead and steer my horse away from the back of her fleeting coach and head on out into the field...but guess what that's going to lead to? She's probably out buying new Nike's as we speak...herein is the rub; if the chasee always becomes the chaser when the chaser turns and runs, then the relationship has everlasting life. If both become chasers, the relationships flies high and burns out like a shooting star, quickly...and of course, if both run, the end is permanent. Which one are you (today, anyway)?
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