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My own response to my own Perception W/OFeb 17 '05 Write an essay on this topic.
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Here's my own response to my own Perception write-off. Hopefully this will get the pending participants' gears going... 1. How do you see yourself? Honestly, I think I'm ambitious, sane, open-minded, generally a good person, and smarter than you. Now, these do interconnect. As an open-minded person, I acknowledge that some people are smarter than me. Soren Rask is most definitely down with the intelligence, and my ex-friend Lisa is probably in the 99.9%ile of intelligence. Drew's intellectually higher than me, but I think I have a bit more common sense. Oh yes, the common sense thing. I think I have a great deal of common sense. In fact, when you get down to it, I am one conceited son of a... good person. But then again, I don't know if I am that conceited. I try to humanize people as much as I can. I know that if I was someone, I'd be that exact same person. What do I mean by that? I mean that if I was you, I'd probably have made all of the stupid decisions you've made. And if you're a total dumbass, I'd probably be as unintelligent as you, too. Thus, I tend to not hold it against people if they're stupid or make stupid decisions, as I've also made a handful of dumb decisions in my life. You really have to put yourself in someone's shoes to be able to understand them. Let's face it: as horrible as this is, if I was born Adolf Hitler, I probably would have ended up as Adolf Hitler. Now truthfully, I would hope that would not be the case, and you might argue "But you haven't made those decisions, and you're a moralist, and all that stuff..." The thing is, I've been very fortunate with becoming the person I am. I don't think I'm better than you. I just think I'm more fortunate, and because of that fortune, I have the upper-hand in a lot of things. So, maybe I'm not conceited after all. I'm just quite... confident. And perhaps a little too much, so. I also think I'm a totally bad-ass writer. Once more, that was the luck of the draw. I was reading at a fairly early age, and I've been reading a lot ever since then. So I got dealt a lucky hand. I do think, however, that I think too much. A little too much. I can piss people off with the amount that I think. I also never say the right thing at the right time, and have no idea how to handle a public conversation. That's a side effect of my introversion, though. I can also be quite hypocritical, but that's because I change my mind a lot. So maybe I'm not a hypocrite. I don't know. A final opinion is that I think I have a better idea of my direction in life than most other people my age. I'm a pretty resolute dude. If I really want something, I set myself to it. I really want to be a successful novelist, and I've been working my ass off since my sophomore year to become this (hence the 400 epinions reviews). I have to re-write several chapters in the book that I just wrote. I'm going to do it. Why? Because it's a kick-ass book with a kick-ass premise, and it needs to be published. I honestly think I'm going to save the world. I'm not joking. That is my God-given duty. I don't expect or want fame out of it, I just want to do it. I think we should all want to do it. Your goal in life should be the save the world, and you should do whatever is in your capability to make it so. 2. What do you believe to be society's perception of yourself? People who haven't really met me pass me in the hallway and think I'm a goofball. I know this, just from people I've come across. When I see friends in the hallway, I'm usually pushing them and getting into fake fights, or shouting obscene things loudly. The good thing about this is that it makes dumb, cooler people want to be around me. The bad thing about this is that it makes smart, arrogant people want to avoid me at all costs. I can really come off as an idiot sometimes. Outside of that, the people that have met me, or have me in their classes, perceive me as a short, funny, quiet kid who might be smart. I'm short because I'm... short. I'm funny because I'm a totally sweet performer (like most introverts), and I'm quiet because I'm naturally introverted. I just can't think up any thing to small-talk. It's in my nature, and it sucks sometimes, but hey, that's life. They think I'm possibly smart because my presentations are often so brilliant, but then, they talk to me, and they expect me to say something witty. I don't. Thus, I come off as kind dim-witted. People often ask why I'm so quiet. I usually just shrug and say "I don't know". Nobody's really said anything since I made my self-discovery, but next time I'll probably respond "It's because I'm an introvert" and go off on a tangent. Then they'll think I'm smart. People often see me as a movie buff, and a cross country runner (this is another pass-in-the-hallway perception). They also see me as a little stumbly. I am not very well-spoken, and this might be due to my introversion; I'm not too sure. The thing is, if I give a presentation, I rarely stutter or stumble. It's weird. I'm just a good performer like that. But if I'm talking to anyone besides a best friend, I mess up around every twenty to thirty words. It's been happening a lot more lately, and it makes me really mad, because it's just a bad impression to make. I really, really hate it. I naturally mumble a lot too, and that sucks. I talk without moving my mouth. It really gets to me. A friend of mine recently influenced me to start articulating, so I've been trying to do that, as well as speak slower, but it's just not working out. I hope eventually I come around, though. There's something about the word "good" and "cool" that really messes me up. Lately I've been saying "gool". It's pissing me off majorly. The other day, something really weird happened. I kept on trying to say something to my brother, but I just couldn't get the sentence out. I said the wrong sentence THREE TIMES before I finally stopped, thought it over, and said the right thing, and I even stumbled on something that final time. This is going to have something to do with question #4, which is actually something I'm a little worried about right now. 3. How do you think you will be remembered years after your death? If I died now, I'd be remembered by my peers as quiet, funny, and a cross country runner. My teachers would remember me as bright, a great writer; a kid who was going to go places. Really, I've become the pet of every English and Social Studies teacher I've had in high school. I still talk to all of them, from 9th to 12th grade. All of my English teachers have found me to be remarkable in terms of writing and performance, and all of my Social Studies teachers like me because I know a lot of political trivia, and once more, I'm a good performer. Being a good performer comes in really handy with teachers; it really does. God really blessed me with all of that stuff. Fifty years from now, I wouldn't be remembered. My only record would be in the Federal Government. The only way this could be avoided would be if someone decided to publish all of my epinions stuff, which could be a remote possibility. I don't think that'd be such a bad idea, since God has blessed me with several wisdoms, doing this by putting me through several seemingly unfortunate events which taught me a lot about life. But I don't intend on dying soon. I want to go out about forty years from now (though I'll live however long God intends for me to), and when I do, I hope to have published several books which will have taught people a few well-needed lessons. I don't want fame. Fame is the farthest thing from my mind. Occasionally, I might entertain it, but then I shrug it off, remembering that it will ultimately do nothing for me. My true goal is to serve God. I want my books and writings to reach the people they must reach. I think they will make an impact which change the world in some way, even if indirectly. Either way, I want it to be for the better good of man. Sure, making several hundred-thousand dollars a year would be nice, and perhaps it's the public which needs to learn these lessons, but all I'm concerned with is that these writings reach the right people, and that's something I'll leave in God's hands. So, I want to be remembered as a good, Christian guy who helped society through writing. If that's not how I'm remembered... well then, let's hope it's something even better, no? Bonus: If you could have any sort of psychological/mental disorder or disease, what would it be? It would be Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, just because Leonardo DiCaprio was so sweet about it in The Aviator. At the end, with the whole "the way of the future" thing, that was just crazy. It was a great way to end the movie (I'm not really spoiling anything, trust me). Anyway, I think I might be getting the opening symptoms of this disease, and that kinda sucks, but it's kinda cool, since OCD is the bomb. I'm probably not getting them, but just maybe. Remember that thing I said about talking to my brother recently? That was a very strange, weird, first-time event. Here's what it was like: I was trying to say "Emily and Chris were sitting by each other at track conditioning." It didn't come out this way. Instead, I said, "Emily and Chris were cashunka track, Emily and Chris were cashunka track, Emily and Chris were cashunka track." It was really crazy. I couldn't stop saying it, either. It just popped out, THREE TIMES. So, so weird. And pretty scary. Finally, I got out of that weird mode, and settled down, then got it out in a half-decent manner. Pretty freaky. I hope that doesn't happen again. Actually, now that I think about it, it did happen today in 7th period. It's just like Leo, man. The way of the future, the way of the future, the way of the future, the way of the future, the way of the future. Scary stuff. Also, when I'm on the computer, I have a tendency to do the same things over and over again, without even knowing that I'm doing them. I'll just get on Xanga and scroll down to see how many comments I have, and then I'll just be like, "Whoa, how the hell did I get here?" I mean, I get pretty concerned about the comments, so I just naturally check them now. I don't know what that is. Either way, possibly having OCD's pretty scary. But it's kinda cool, too. Because we all love feeling special. And I would love to have a cool disease like OCD. Though I am sure that any OCD-victim would tell me it's not so cool.  |
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