C.A.B.- Citizens Against Bullsh*t

Apr 11, 2005 (Updated May 10, 2005)

The Bottom Line Read my proposal and sign up, y'all. It could be good for the country.

Is it possible in this country to not be a "libtard" or "neo-con"? Those are two interesting terms I picked up from Yahoo News Boards, where every single news article, no matter how politically insignificant, turns into a visual shouting match between people who have idenitifed with one camp or the other.

What this tells me is that a certain cross-section of American society is regarding everything in rigid terms of me vs. you, which is probably not good in these uncertain times. The dividing line, of course, halves the participants into two equally obnoxious flocks of sheep: those who embrace the Testament of George, and those who subscribe to the Anti-Bush Gospel, as espoused by the likes of Michael Moore.

I'd like to offer people a third alternative, since that is what the American system needs the most. My political party will go by the name of C.A.B., or "Citizens Against Bullsh*t". It will not be dedicated to the furtherance of hidden agendas, nor it will it attempt to kiss the azzes of minorities or special interest groups in a blatant bid for popular support. C.A.B. will operate outside the mainstream political mindset, which decrees that each and every person commit to such shadowy abstractions as "conservatism" or "liberalism".

In order to belong to C.A.B., one would have to agree with the following simple tenets:

1) domestically, America is in an unacceptable state of decline
2) our country's current administration (as well as the preceding ones) consists primarily of rich white dinosaurs who do not represent the majority of Americans, which are white and middle-class (however, one can belong to any racial or socio-economic group and be a member of C.A.B.)
3) before we attempt to impose our way of life on the rest of the planet at gunpoint, we need to make sure that it works at home.

Ideologically sound members of C.A.B. will be able to recognize that as a concept, the American ideal is unparalleled. On the flip side, it should be pointed out that we are not following that best of all blueprints; there are social, political, and economic factors that prevent us from doing so. What we are left with is a society that combines the worst of both ends of the American political spectrum- a heavy-handed, know-it-all government trying its best to peddle conservative double standards to an increasingly liberalized, lawless, and decadent populace.

C.A.B. would like to see the rigid concepts of "liberalism" and "conservatism" swept away so that things like "common sense" and "real law and order" can prevail. Here are a few of the fundamentals that one might expect the organization to trumpet:

1) Businessmen do not necessarily make good leaders, nor do people who are overly fond of their identity, be it religious, racial, or otherwise. In short, government should not be used as an instrument to advance the purposes or enhance the wealth of a single group.
2) War is to be used as an absolute last resort and for destructive (and mostly defensive) purposes ONLY. No more wars to end hunger, help out friends, stabilize the economy, or establish democracy.
3) The rule of law applies the same to EVERYBODY, rich or poor, white or black, rap star or corn farmer. Distinctions need to be made between personal choices that harm the individual and crimes that threaten society. Obsolete laws must be done away with.
4) Industries that damage the environment should be discontinued as soon as possible and replaced by ecologically sound alternatives. The members of C.A.B. must be intelligent enough to realize that the Earth is a finite piece of real estate with a limited amount of resources.
5) Programs such as education and health care are more deserving of money than pointless flights to Saturn's moons, or wherever the hell NASA shoots those rockets.
6) Just because it sells doesn't mean it's healthy. Sometimes commerce has to be harnessed in the name of preserving at least a semblance of ethics. Our country is so media-befuddled, pampered, and impulsive that people have lost all sense of what is important, or even sane.

If you'd like to be a member of Citizens Against Bullsh*t, all you need to do is clear your mind of this pointless dichotomy called the "American political system" and focus on what is real. Slinging such ridiculous terms as "lib-tard" and "neo-con" at one another is neither helpful nor productive; recognizing this fact is a strong first step toward becoming a member of our organization.

Thank you and good night

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