Tuesday night while this community was losing one of its favorite writers, Hard_To_Please, to a cancer that would not be denied, I strangely enough was reading this very popular book by Harold S. Kushner, When Bad Things Happen To Good People. I think jo.com's extraordinary review of it from a Jewish perspective inspired me to read it, but I was also wondering how Mark (HTP) was doing and I looked forward to reviewing it for his financial and emotional/spiritual benefit. Now, on the day of his memorial service, I review the book with a very heavy heart.
The pennies earned from it will combine with my other three tributes to Mark and be sent with some padding to his grieving family. (Address on 29th_Candidate’s most recent review, “From The Bottom of Mark’s Heart” if you should wish to send something, too.)
I hardly know where to begin. I know I have to review this to try to deal with my grief and also hopefully help some of you with yours, but I just wish I could eagerly expect a warm-hearted, uplifting comment from Mark after reading it. Instead I will only imagine it as I will be on each of my reviews from now on. This seems like a book that not only would he have read, but also would have reviewed if he had had the time...I doubt my review will be anywhere the quality of his, but I will try.
Contents
The good rabbi begins with why he wrote the book back in 1981. As he explains, he had been preparing to write it for about thirteen years, ever since his only son, just turned three, was diagnosed with progeria, which meant he would age very rapidly and die in his early teens. He did die very shortly after his fourteenth birthday and when the author grew out of his self-pity, he gave birth to this book. He did not write it “to defend or explain God,” he says, but to help others deal with their questions after or during tragedy.
There are eight chapters of various lengths in these powerfully-wrought 148 pages that follow a logical sequence of thought and flow into each other, so that reading the book straight-through instead of skipping back and forth is how I read and enjoyed it.
Chapter 1: Why Do The Righteous Suffer?
Kushner describes people he knows who are suffering and their bewildered questions or the explanations that comfort them, but by the end of the chapter he postulates that maybe God isn’t the reason for our suffering after all.
Chapter 2: The Story Of A Man Named Job
I’ve read the Old Testament Book of Job, probably the first novel in history, and read criticisms of it, but all I would’ve needed to read is Kushner’s very lucid, helpful thoughts. He takes us through the complicated book, questioning the actions and words of the characters God, Job and his three friends with a fair hand. The end result is that Kushner believes that God cannot change our physical circumstances.
Chapter 3: Sometimes There Is No Reason
The author asks us to accept the fact that not everything has a reason for happening and there “is randomness in the universe.”
Chapter 4: No Exceptions For Nice People
God cannot usurp the laws of nature for anyone; pain can be used to make our lives more meaningful; telling a person who suffers that it is indeed unfair and can’t be explained away.
Chapter 5: God Leaves Us Room To Be Human
Kushner discusses the Garden of Eden story and how we are higher than the animals, so that’s why our first parents had to leave the Garden. We have freedom of choice.
Chapter 6: God Helps Those Who Stop Hurting Themselves
God can only help us with a situation and outcome we do not wish if we believe God will, by letting loving people come to us who comfort us, perhaps through their stories of suffering. The author points out that Job’s friends at least listened to him as he questioned his horrible suffering, but then they tried to make him feel guilty for bringing it on himself. That is the worst thing we can do to them and it’s untrue.
Chapter 7: God Can’t Do Everything
Mark’s dignified grace in coping with his illness and dying brings Kushner’s words to life. The author says that those who suffer can only find the strength to deal with it because they know God suffers with them and wants them in better health.
Chapter 8: What Good, Then, Is Religion?
None unless it’s a spiritual affirmation of the power of love to heal our hurts. Belonging to a faith community and praying with them helps those who need our love and acceptance more than ever. Prayers for strength and courage can and will be answered by God, who works through “integrative power,” as my last review would call it.
Final Thoughts
This is the hard part. I hope I’ll do justice to both the book and Mark as they richly deserve. I have earlier read one of Rabbi Kushner’s books, How Good Do We Have To Be?, reviewing it very favorably and this, his most famous work, did not disappoint, either. I’ve never studied the Jewish religion, or have forgotten it if I did, so when he mentions the meanings of Jewish holidays and teachings throughout, I learned something. His understanding of the bigger role of religion and who God is seems very insightful and mature as one would hope for in a representative of God who has suffered great loss.
I think all eight questions or feelings he addresses have been ones I’ve known in my heart at some point in my past; his answers demonstrate years of counseling and personal experience with the suffering and loss of his son.
Kushner’s God is found in the midst of other faith-filled people moreso than in time alone contemplating God or Jesus (never mentioned), or at least for the purposes of healing grief/anger in this book. It no doubt was a very difficult book to write, one he had planned in his sorrow for so long, and is sure to encourage other suffering souls to seek God through friends and family...or conversely, friends and family to seek them out in the role of God’s agents.
I raced through When Bad Things Happen To Good People, stopping a chapter or so before the end to ponder it, then learned about Mark’s walk to the wild side. It took a couple of days to finish it as it now had more significance. How I regret not knowing him better than through typed words or ecards and always will...
What a person of any faith learns from this book is that God does not cause or cure suffering and blaming God or ourselves—or being jealous of those unafflicted--only keeps us suffering. What God can and will do is provide the strength to bear it. As God’s agents, the Epinions community of many faiths came together for Mark and certainly gave him a joy in his heart, which lessened his burden. He knew how much so many of us loved him by our taking the time to write in his unique, earthy style for a write-off. I greatly enjoyed the experience, also.
Even if you didn’t know Mark, you have experienced loss or suffering or been friends with someone who has, perhaps in the terrorist attacks, and this book may be what you need to read if you have these questions or feelings that the rabbi addresses. It has helped remind me how crucial it is to show love whenever you can before it’s too late.
Kushner ends the book with a tribute to his son, which will become mine to my friend:
I think of…and all that his life taught me, and I realize how much I have lost and how much I have gained. Yesterday seems less painful and I am not afraid of tomorrow.
pp 148
Rest In Peace, Mark. I’m giving it up (in applause) one more time for you.
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