|
|
Sex and marriage---some thoughts.Apr 23 '05 Write an essay on this topic.
Popular Products in Books
The Bottom Line Strong feelings, well-supported, strongly held, and in direct opposition! Is compromise possible?
This is an entry for the write-off of Lemon-lime on the subject of Homosexuality, Marriage and Religion. Some very probing and interesting questions, that I have been pleased to address! What are your spiritual beliefs or religious affiliations? I have no formal religious affiliation, but when we attend church, about four times a year, it's Lutheran, the preference and family tradition of both my spouse and me. As for spiritual beliefs---I would describe myself as a Deist. I think it's likely there is Supreme Intelligence, but I think the only path to knowledge about that is through science. I see NO possibility that any of the many revelatory or inspirational writings about God can possibly be correct---but may be useful to their believers. Certainly belief in the God described in the Bible has had many positive effects on the behavior of people---as well as some appallingly negative effects, and some truly EVIL behavior. The greatest evils have occurred when those concerned with instilling religious fervor team up with brutes concerned with controlling the masses---i.e. when mystics and brutes team up to impose their will on everyone. It's what led to the prohibition of a state religion in our constitution---often inaccurately referred to as the "separation of church and state." Christian theology sheds much light on morality, and the two principles, "Do unto others---" and "Love your neighbor---" seem to me to be necessary and sufficient to define a moral life. But I think the same two principles can be arrived at as a matter of being rational, and interested in the survival of the species, and no need for divine revelation here. Another Christian principle that seems useful to me is that we are all imperfect----but through the grace of God we need not worry about being condemned to hell for our transgressions. What is your sexual orientation? I am a flaming heterosexual! How do you see your own religious/spiritual views as influencing your opinion of sexuality? There are traditional Christian moral principles concerning sexual behavior, but they seem to me to be mostly a matter of common sense as well as physical and mental health. Promiscuous sexuality is seen as immoral in Christian teaching, but promiscuity strikes me as stupid and reckless, and a great hazard to physical and mental health. Not to mention the risk of conceiving unwanted children. So being sensible and being moral are the same thing with regard to sexual behavior, in my opinion. Of course, these days, we can get away with being reckless, if we are diligent in the use of contraception. And even if an accidental pregnancy occurs, abortion is readily available. I have no wish to offend, but it seems to me that a person who is homosexual is human being with an imperfection, through no fault of their own. I say "imperfection" because a homosexual is unable to perform one of the most important of basic biological functions of ANY species---procreation, at least not in the normal manner. I would also hasten to add that EVERY human being has imperfections, so I'm not singling out homosexuals by using that term. And I'm not making any judgement about whether homosexuality is biological or psychological. Some believe sexuality is a choice, some say it's genetic---but I don't see how a homosexual gene could be propagated. It obviously wouldn't be "chosen" by any process of natural selection---since it would result in extinction in a few generations! But, on the other hand, maybe there's a connection between overpopulation and growth of homosexuality---Mother Nature's way of preventing Homo sapiens from destroying ourselves through overpopulation. Hmm-mm-mm! But even if homosexuality is an imperfection, it's certainly no reason to deny them the same rights as others---any more than it would for any other biological or psychological imperfection. To get to the point---my religious/spiritual views have little to do with my attitudes toward sexuality. My attitudes are a matter of rational self-interest, common sense, and social responsibility. How do you define marriage? Marriage is a CONTRACT entered into by two people. In marriage, as in any other contract, each party makes specific commitments to the other, and each accepts very serious obligations to the other----and to the community. Some are explicitly stated in the traditional vows---like "---to love, honor and obey-----" and to remain "--- faithful to the other-----in sickness and in health----as long as you both shall live". Other obligations of marriage are unspoken, or even unwritten, but they are well established in law, and are VERY well established and well understood. I think many of the legal obligations accepted in marriage originally may have been conceived for the protection of women, the weaker sex---and for the protection of children. In our former wild or uncivilized state, men may have had the inclination to copulate with as many women as possible, while feeling no responsibility whatever for either the welfare of the woman or for any children that might result. So maybe---in one sense---marriage traditions were a way of domesticating the male of the species! One extremely serious obligation of marriage is the acceptance of responsibility for nurturing, caring for, and supporting any children that result from the marriage. Evading or failing in that obligation is not only one of the most immoral of acts, it is criminal. Lots more could be said to "define marriage" of course---and those ideas are really the heart of the issue regarding gay unions, and whether they should be called marriage. What thoughts or reactions do you have to these two pictures? (All completely safe for work, home, etc.) 1. http://www.sfgate.com/c/pictures/2004/03/10/ba_knight01.jpg It appears to be a couple of young men holding hands, and possibly exchanging vows, maybe even wedding vows. I wonder if what they're doing is legal in the place they're doing it---and seems to me it probably is not. But it brings to mind that the two are probably making some commitment to each other and their relationship. I wonder specifically what commitments they are prepared to make and what obligations they are accepting---or whether they have even thought of it in terms of commitment. Or maybe they have some "entitlements" or "benefits" in mind---rather than commitments----? I wonder whether it has occurred to them that if their union is defined to be a legal marriage---that their income taxes will rise, under current law, by about $1500- 2000 per year over what it would be if they remained unmarried. 2. http://www.sfgate.com/c/pictures/2004/02/13/ba_gaywed_01_lm.jpg Two elderly women sharing a hug, for any of a hundred possible reasons. Except that you brought it up here, it wouldn't occur to me that the picture might have ANY sexual or marriage connotations. But since it's here, I presume it's a picture of two aging lesbians celebrating something---an anniversary of their relationship, whatever it is? Someone retiring, perhaps? WHATEVER is going on, it arouses absolutely NO negative thoughts or feelings. It looks like a warm scene, depicting a warm relationship of some unknown sort. How does one of Christian faith reconcile these two pictures? Is one “right” and one “wrong”? What reactions do you have to seeing these signs? 1. http://www.sushiesque.com/photos/boston_common_031104/dscn1373.jpg 2. http://www.sushiesque.com/photos/boston_common_031104/dscn1419.JPG They both depict people freely expressing their opinion about gays and gay marriage. The first seems very harsh and mean, I'm tempted to say unchristian. But for those who think the Bible is the inerrant Word of God (as I said, I do NOT) the conclusion is inescapable that the God of the Bible sees homosexuality as an abomination and a great sin. People tend to accept that idea until it affects them personally. I know a highly admired evangelical Christian man and woman who would have felt that way in the abstract---but a few decades ago they learned that their eldest son is a homosexual. They slowly developed a more tolerant attitude toward him---and toward homosexuality generally---and they've learned to adopt a more cautious attitude toward the revealed "truths" in the Bible. It's a GREAT dilemma for evangelical Christian--- which I understand, at least to some extent. I recently attended the funeral of a nephew who died an agonizing death by AIDS---after living out his homosexual life-style choice, and in his case it was definitely a CHOICE. He had a wife and a couple of kids, who all stuck with him to the end! I would NEVER say AIDS is God's judgment on sinful gays------but that lifestyle does seem to involve some unique and severe risks! The signs make me angry----as do ALL those who think they have access to absolute truth, whether from the Bible or anywhere else----- Why do you think the topic of homosexuality is so polarizing in religious communities? Apart from the Biblical condemnation of homosexuality---which is a HUGE difficulty in itself----many heterosexuals are appalled by homosexual practices. Again, I have no desire to offend---but to many heterosexuals, the acts of gays are not just unappealing, but are revolting and disgusting (sorry about that, but I'm trying to be candid, and I'm NOT describing my own feelings here---just trying to answer the question as best I can). I'm not sure whether your question is addressing polarization WITHIN religious communities---which certainly exists----or between them and non-religious communities. But in both cases---it's because there is such a wide variety of VERY strongly held opinions and experience about the subject. And condemning OTHER sinners has ALWAYS been a favorite sport of mankind! Should the government be in the business of defining marriage? Why or why not? Government MUST be in the business of enforcing legitimate contracts of all kinds. It's one of the basic roles of government. The marriage contract is so fundamental to our culture and our civilization; I would think the government MUST take an active interest in any movement to drastically redefine the traditional marriage contract! I don't think the whole subject has been adequately thought through as yet, by either side of the issue. Legalizing gay marriage would be such a drastic change that it would surely cause a rebellion by major segments of the citizenry---an outcome that must be avoided. On the other hand---I can't see that it's an appropriate subject for a constitutional amendment. Would you support the legalization of gay marriage? No. Homosexuals are free to make any contracts with each other, and government ought to grant every right to homosexuals that they do to anyone else. But same-sex partnerships ought NOT be called marriage. But there should be some "standard" contract for legitimizing gay commitments to each other---and it should have a LOT of similarity to a marriage contract! If you answered no, what are your fears behind its legalization? If you answered yes, what are your fears behind it remaining illegal? If gay marriage is legalized, a substantial part of the citizenry will rebel, with the grounds that the government is legalizing something that they firmly believe is sinful, evil, and uncivilized. To them it would be like legalizing robbery or murder. I think they're wrong about that, but I see NO possibility of changing their minds about it in our lifetime. Would you support government-sanctioned civil unions between homosexual couples? Absolutely! Do you see any way of bridging this current divide in our country over "wedge issues" like gay marriage or abortion? Or should we even be trying? We need moderation and a more gradual approach, giving people time to adjust their thinking. A few generations of civil unions and visible, solid, long-term homosexual relationships will change people's minds. At present the gay stereotype is of extreme promiscuity and extremely reckless sex lives, especially among male homosexuals. It's the only kind of male homosexual life style that I have any direct knowledge of, resulting from a few inadvertent experiences in gay bars a few decades ago---so I really have no idea about whether or not that stereotype is realistic or not. I've known gay men that were quite reckless, and others who were in long-term relationships---but the whole lifestyle is a great mystery to me---as it is to many of us. It seems to me that compromise on abortion SHOULD be possible---and my bias is that it's militant feminists who prevent it. OK, maybe also some militant right wing whacko's as well---- What do you see America's view of homosexuality and gay marriage being in 100 years from today? What will those future Americans think of us in 2005, as they look back? I have NO crystal ball to make such a prediction. I think the pendulum will swing many ways in a hundred years, and we could be more liberated and broad-minded---or we could be more restrictive. We seem to currently be on a path to much more social tolerance and everybody doing their own thing----but there's no assurance that will continue---or that it's a good thing--- Whatever happens, I'm sure we will seem quaint and maybe uncivilized to those future Americans! Final thoughts or ideas: I'm a proponent of free speech and lively debate without recriminations, and without trying to demonize the motivations of those with other views. I know that was your intent in this write off, and I hope you feel you accomplished it, when all is said and done. AND---I especially hope my contribution is seen as constructive!  |
| Read all comments (27)|Write your own comment |
