Bisexual Jew on Gay Marriage and Life
May 19 '05
The Bottom Line I really had to stick my foot into this even though by this time no one really cares.
(Optional)
What are your spiritual beliefs or religious affiliations?
I’m Jewish, leaning towards Conservative Judaism, but since I live in Russia I fall into Orthodox Jew category. Yup, I’m people of G-d, whose name is used to bash gays. But trust me, he loves gays as much as he loves straights. My life has proven that.
What is your sexual orientation?
I’m bisexual but am living with a female partner of more than two and a half years, so if you want to call me lesbian, then let it be so. Laurel Holloman (Randy from The Incredibly True Adventures of Two Girls in Love and Tina from the L word) said once: “I always considered myself bisexual… I’ve made a commitment. It’s to a man. If you want to call me heterosexual – fine! I don’t call myself anything now but married.” Well, same here, except I can’t get married (and I’m not sure that’s what I want to do right now, but that is not the issue here). So I just call myself committed.
How do you see your own religious/spiritual views as influencing your opinion of sexuality?
It’s a good question, but the answer is affected by my own sexual orientation. Many times I stop and think what I’m doing. I follow many mitzvahs even though they seem ridiculous to my friends, but I know that they make perfect sense to me. I do things because Torah says so. But one thing I always overlook (on purpose) and that’s Leviticus (Vaikra) 20:13 and many other of that series that you can find in Tanakh. I’m sure it’s not my religious views that influence my opinion on sexuality, it’s my long and winding road to myself (and my sexual orientation in particular) that changed my mind about many things.
But when I was 16 and lived with a Christian family of four Republicans I thought that gays were weird but nice and gay marriage should be voted out because that showed bad example to kids, even though deep inside I dig girls. Stupid, I know! And then they killed Matthew Sheppard and that changed my world. Even though sometimes I question my lifestyle in terms of religion, I can say that I’m not torn between my religion and my sexuality.
(Required)
How do you define marriage?
Marriage is a serious commitment of two people, who share a bounding relationship, same household, maybe children (at present or in the future) and have certain rights and privileges granted by government. In Russia it’s also known as a “stamp in the passport”, something that fewer people want than twenty years ago.
What thoughts or reactions do you have to these two pictures? (all completely safe for work, home, etc.)
1. http://www.sfgate.com/c/pictures/2004/03/10/ba_knight01.jpg
I think it’s cute, very gay and very unreal in my world. Sorry.
2. http://www.sfgate.com/c/pictures/2004/02/13/ba_gaywed_01_lm.jpg
Looking at this pictures makes me wonder when they first met and if it was many decades ago how life was back then and what they had to go through in their relationship.
How does one of Christian faith reconcile these two pictures? Is one “right” and one “wrong”? What reactions do you have to seeing these signs?
1. http://www.sushiesque.com/photos/boston_common_031104/dscn1373.jpg
2. http://www.sushiesque.com/photos/boston_common_031104/dscn1419.JPG
I’m not Christian, so I don’t even want to know. I guess Adam and Eve have to do with Jews as much as with Christians, but Jesus is just not my cup of tea. So I’ll have a go at something different.
You know, when I hear that Adam and Steve cliché, I have a question: to justify gay existence did G-d have to start with two gays? Wasn’t it smarter to give humans at least a chance to multiply? Then, how about this: the first people (Adam and Eve, ok) were white (or insert anything here)? What about other people? Since it was white and white (or whatever your call is), how do black people have to feel about it? My point is that Adam and Eve don’t prove anything.
Why do you think the topic of homosexuality is so polarizing in religious communities?
Once again I don’t think it’s the prerogative of religion. I feel that something more complex affects believes and ideas of what’s wrong and what’s right. If you ask a straight Ultra Orthodox frum going to yeshiva, chances are he’d say homosexuality is wrong (or something more passionate), because he was raised to believe so, he was taught that by his family at home, in yeshiva, in synagogue, and that’s how he feels because he never knew what it’s been like to grow up as a queer kid.
Religion is just the first stone. There’s also society, government, George W too! It’s all connected but it’s only together that they put homosexuality on agenda. They start with G-d and Bible. But I don’t think that their reason for doing so is G-d (that is to answer the “why” question). Maybe they are just scared and want to brainwash us. But seriously I think they just don’t understand and being affected by the things I’ve mentioned above, they are disgusted in a way because for them it’s a sin. Somehow they forget that’s not the only sin on earth and to G-d no sin is better than the other.
I was sixteen when I was first brainwashed by church. I went there only for the youth group because my host parents wanted me to, some of my high school friends went there and it was fun to start with. We did a lot of great things together, but one night we all had to listen to a tape from some convention where a minister was talking about homosexuality like it’s a disease and you can just get over it, get healed, and how they turned gay youth straight. I was stretching on a couch and thinking what a big joke it was. For several years I had been suspecting that I was gay (note: only suspecting), but objected what I heard on the tape. Even though Torah clearly states that it’s a sin and I personally consider myself to be a religious Jew, I am part of the opposition camp.
Should the government be in the business of defining marriage? Why or why not?
Yes, they should define it, because we’re talking about legal marriage, right? Because government gives married couples certain rights and privileges. Except I think it should define it right: as a union between two people, not a man and a woman.
Would you support the legalization of gay marriage?
Yes. Even though I’m not exactly going to stay in line to get married, I know people who would. And it would make them happy. Legalizing gay marriage is like legalizing many other things, like gay adoption to start with.
If you answered no, what are your fears behind its legalization? If you answered yes, what are your fears behind it remaining illegal?
Since I personally don’t want it for myself I can’t say that I have any fears. I think that people will continue what they are doing without calling it a marriage.
Would you support government-sanctioned civil unions between homosexual couples?
I guess I would though a question sounds somewhat discriminatory. If the government finally realizes that gay rights is nothing but the same rights that straight people have, only nonexistent in a queer world, then why not to grant those rights? We pay the same taxes they do, why can’t I have what my neighbor has?
Do you see any way of bridging this current divide in our country over "wedge issues" like gay marriage or abortion? Or should we even be trying?
No, I don’t see any way. And religion would probably be the first argument. These are very personal issues. I can honestly say just seven years ago I’d feel differently about them. It doesn’t mean that only gay people feel strongly about gay marriage but it’s easier to chant “Adam and Eve” than go all the way to accepting homosexuality.
What do you see America's view of homosexuality and gay marriage being in 100 years from today? What will those future Americans think of us in 2005, as they look back?
Probably what I think of those two old ladies in the picture: man, it was tough back then!
Final thoughts or ideas:
I see many gay people in my everyday life. After all I live in a “gay capital” of Russia. St. Petersburg (formerly known as Leningrad) is also sometimes called “Lesbigrad” because there are so many gay chicks. But even now when I see a totally adorable gay couple in my class I can’t help but wonder why they are so open about their relationship and how their friends seem to be cool with them. And I think of my own life and my own friends. And it all seems odd that they like me even though I’m queer. But when I go home and turn on Queer as Folk it seems so natural.
Isn’t that weird?
People say we’ve come a long way in terms of accepting homosexuality. I usually roll my eyes to that.
More information, all the details and participants of this write off are at:
http://www.epinions.com/content_4325744772
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