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I Drink Because It Makes You Look Sexy (Drinking Away Memorial Day W/O)Jun 07 '05 Write an essay on this topic.
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The Bottom Line like i wasn't going to join this write-off.
When discussing Graham Greene's "The Destroyers" in his Middlesex Ridge High School English class, Donnie Darko was glad to point out that, "destruction is a form of creation." See, that's profound stuff for a guy who likes to work on destroying his liver, piece by piece. Whether it's during these crazy Pistons playoff games, or merely to blow off some steam with friends and good conversation, Eric gets his drink on. So, when I came across this write-up from one of those lurkers in my comments section, I knew I must accept this open invitation. Now show your mother some love and join the Drinking Away Memorial Day Write-Off. 1. What beers/wines/spirits do you currently have in your fridge or cooler, in your cellar, or on your shelf? Let's see...none. Now this might not sound like typical drinker behavior, but when you are a college student living off of financial aid and a part-time library job, well, you are drinking what you buy the day you buy it. I know. I'm a total failure for a drunk. But wait, this is only the first response! 2. What b/w/s is widely purchased that you simply cannot understand? I can pretty much understand why anything is purchased. Let's run down the list of crap that is purchased that is easily understandable. Michelob Ultra, and the like - Because it's marketed as: a) a sports drink (people swim a race, then drink beer? what the...?), and b) basically a "diet beer". The marketing scheme attacks self-perception more than any other alcoholic beverage, which is sad and genius. MD 20/20, Steel Reserve, and the like - Because poor people and early college students get drunk, too. Bacardi Silver, and the like - It makes girls feel pretty, and it gets frat boys laid. Sorry, it's true. 151 - Because some people don't know how high your tolerance should get before an alarm goes off in your brain. This is not bad for mixed drinks, though. Adds some kick. Really, I'm not picky about my drinks. 3. What is your favorite food accompaniment? I'm not exactly high-brow when it comes to this sort of thing. Take me to Side Track (in Depot Town, Ypsilanti), keep my glass of Oberon filled, and keep the fried pickles, chicken wings, etc., coming, and I'm happy. Also, a bucket of PBR at BW3s with some chicken wings over a Pistons or Lions game will do the trick. That's multi-accompaniment right there. 4. To which music to you prefer to drink? Depends. Hip-hop at gatherings. Give me some boom-bap with an emcee just busting down some raw flows. That gully isht. MF Doom, Blueprint, and the like will do. It's also the only time I can tolerate some mainstream rap that I'd otherwise rip down. Actually, Jay-Z is the man when I'm twisted. When I'm chillin', though, drinking a 40 and writing or just thinking, I like very soft, understated stuff. Iron & Wine's "Our Endless Numbered Days" was my reflective piece for last summer. And then if I get antsy from all this reflection, some real heavy-handed stuff, like Sage Francis, or real emotional stuff, like The Wrens, does the trick. Actually, pretty much all of the music I like sober, I like drunk. 5. Ever do anything (anyone) you regret after a "tough night" at the cups? Care to elaborate? To anything: I'll just say, "yes", and let that be that. To anyone: perhaps once. But as I remember, the sex was quite good. So f*ck it. 6. Do you overindulge? You should've seen me Saturday night. I was twisted like a corkscrew. I actually missed most of the fourth quarter of game 6 of Pistons/Heat because I just sat outside, "philosophized", and chain-smoked. It was ridiculously fun, though I don't care to get that hammered too often. 7. Describe your personality before and after and evening of imbibing. It all depends on what's going on in my life. People who know me know I go through extremes on both highs and lows, though I would say my middle has been pretty darn steady lately, too. After I drink, I'm always happy. Save one time where I got so drunk I had a flashback (which goes back to my not wanting to explain part one of #5), I am all-loving and more outgoing with this loving. And that's saying a lot if you consider that others describe me as quite a warm person in the first place. I'm also more prone to dance and do weird things when I'm drunk, usually making somewhat of a fool of myself, but also being the life of the party. 8. What is your favorite watering-hole? Where is it located? Side Track was, but their service has gone so downhill. Ehh, it's a tie between that and Aubree's, both located in the only part of Ypsi thriving anymore, historical Depot Town. Side Track is more of a chill spot, and the crowd's a little older/more mature. Aubree's (which also has a more college-like hangout, Stick's, on the second level), is a place for the younger crowd, and is a bit more, I don't know, exciting? But it's still pretty chill, which is my kind of place. 9. Who is the person with whom you most enjoy drinking? That's ridiculously hard to say. I love drinking with all my drinking buddies. One of my best friends over here in Ypsi, John, is fun to drink with because he'll do stupid step-dances with me, and we were beer pong champs until he got a girlfriend (wife?) so now I must search for someone else to dominate with. My father is great to drink with. He never admits when he's drunk. And he's probably the best person in the world to people watch with. We especially enjoyed watching all of the unhappily married affluent men and women of Fairfax County put on these fake happy fronts last summer when I was in Herndon. My sister, Kari, is fun because she gets train-wrecked and tells me about her voyages as a pimp. She is surely the mack of the family. Mike (speeddemon531) is fun to drink with because of the conversations we have when under the influence. Lots of laughs, my friend. On that end, Brian (voxpoptart) and Tim (flamepillar) were fun to get drunk with the one time I did get drunk around them. Now, they don't really get drunk (at least I don't think so), but they seemed to tolerate Mike and I enough. Though, I feel for Tim, who was on sober man cleanup duty. Blech. And can't forget about my mother. She buys the beer, and we usually watch movies or talk about life. It's a happy thing to come and visit. All my relatives are fun to get drunk with, too. I'm definitely from a drinking family. 10. From what region of the world does your favorite drink hail? The greatest state in the U-S-of-A: Michigan! Kalamazoo to be exact. Oberon summer ale is the greatest thing you can ask for in the summertime. Period. 11. Ever solve the world’s problems while under the influence? If so, what are the answers? Well, I think that's an interesting question. I mean, I'm sure I have thought I have solved the world's problems, and after a few beers my logic sharpens (before the ultimate decline), but there is no real solution. Unless. We first eradicate all weapons of mass destruction. Then we tear down all borders. Then we all get smashed together and realize how stupid all of our beef's have been. 12. Why do members of the opposite sex seem prettier/more handsome after a few? Because you're not really listening to what their pretty-but-shallow self is saying, you're just staring at them in awe of them like you do a nice painting. :o) Really, who knows? It probably has more to do with the whole lack of inhibitions thing than anything. They don't really look prettier when you're drunk, you'd just f*ck anything at that point. 13. When drinking alone (c’mon, admit it), what are your most common ruminations? This also depends. I know, it's oh so bad to drink alone, but every now and then I think a few alone with some good music and thoughts helps me really hone in on what I'm feeling at a certain time in my life. The contemplations usually reflect and/or elaborate upon what I've been feeling in real life. As I see my family grow up, and as I see myself coming of age as an adult in this world, I've been thinking how nice it'd be to meet a wonderful woman who makes me so happy and have a family. I mean, not all at once (I'm still too young for that, at 23), but meeting someone worthwhile for me would be a start. See, major stuff. 14. There is a movement to abolish natural cork from the necks of even the most prestigious brews/wines/spirits in favor of synthetic stoppers and – heavens – even screw-on caps. Your thoughts? (Raises eyebrow). Somehow I feel like I should care about this more than I do (not at all). Actually, no I don't. 15. When did you have your first drink and what were the circumstances? My first drink? I was 14, it was the summer before 9th grade, and we were out in the country (near Traverse City, Michigan) floating down a stream to Lake Michigan. My dad and Uncle Ron were towing tubes with beer coolers in them. I was talking to a cute girl, and I don't know if I did it to look cool or not, but I asked for a beer. I got a Bud Light, and I hated it. Guess that feeling didn't last. 16. Gin - delicious or repugnant? I'll go further - classy and classic. Not much in the alcohol universe is more pure than a gin 'n tonic. 17. Ever blackout or become violently ill as a result of an evening of imbibing? Learn your lesson? Err, I kind of blacked out this one night. I was 17 or 18, and I went to this party in Shaker Heights, Ohio, after dancing at Have A Nice Day Cafe in Mentor. I was in the passenger seat during these long rides taking down fuzzy navels straight from the Peach Schnapps or orange drink bottles. I ended up drinking a bottle of Peach Schnapps and my tolerance wasn't all that in high school (and it probably shouldn't have been). Now the rest of the story is sort of vulgar, so skip forward if you don't want to read it. And keep in mind that this part of the story had only traces in my memory, but the recollection and uniform story of my friends make it impossible for me to deny. OK, so I was sitting on this couch in this packed room sipping beer and I was just sauced-up. And this really cute girl sitting next to me I think was put-off by my incoherence so she gets up and walks away and sort of snarls at me. So I stand up on the couch and made an announcement, and it goes a little something like: "I guess that girl (points) didn't want me to eat her p*ssy tonight!" Not one of my finer moments, though I guess the majority nearly p*ssed themselves. And the kicker? I meet this really neat girl about a half a year later, who was from out in the same parts (east side of Cleveland), and this girl I so embarrassed was her best friend. Yet, they never held this against me. Go figure. Learn my lesson? Yeeeeaaaah. You can get away with saying lots of stuff when you are drunk. 18. You're an 82 year old Eskimo. You've just been put on an ice floe and pushed out to sea. You were given the opportunity to pack a cooler with one bottle of beer, one bottle of wine, and one bottle of spirits for your final voyage. What did you bring? Well, I know nothing about wine, so I'm bringing Boone's Farm. It will do the trick on those lonely nights. As for liquor, I'd usually say Goldschlager, since you need no mixer, but I care not to dehydrate the first night out. So let's go with Jack. After the first shot, it's all butter. Beer would have to be Oberon. I would take one sip per day to savor it. Actually, I'd probably just drink it down. No use in lying. 19. What is your best friend's drink of choice? Can you dig it? I don't have a best friend per se, so I'm just going to go with my dad. His drink of choice is a martini, and I definitely can't dig it. He blames it on my heterosexuality. I might, also. 20. Are you more of a celebratory drinker or a melancholy drinker? Celebratory. I tend to drink and throw my problems aside in the presence of others, which is about 90% of the time I drink. Sometimes we discuss our real issues at this time, but not usually. Life is usually worth celebrating anyway. Or, at least, detaching yourself from and finding happiness on another plane. 21. Do you need a drink now? Considering Mr. Insomnia has peaked his head these past few days, it's probably not in my best interest. But Thursday, game 1 of the NBA Finals, it will be flowing. Oh hell yes. Go Pistons! And that's my drunken profile. You look sexier already. * * * * * * * * * * For more information about Cryptic Cradle and his reviews, please click here. * * * * * * * * * * This has been a Cryptic Cradle Production.  |
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