Ho Hum... Ho Hum...Ho Hum...WHOA! Talk About a Slow Start!
Written: Aug 09 '08 (Updated Sep 04 '08)
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Product Rating:
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| Bang For The Buck |
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Pros: Michelle Yeoh, Russell Wong, Isabella Leong-Lin, Jet Li, & John Hannah.
Cons: Fraser & Ford. Overall pace. Special Effects & cinematography.
The Bottom Line: Wait for the television/cable premiere. Don't waste your money.
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| kengland4's Full Review: The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor |
Almost a WASTE of Time!
This Review Reveals Minor Details of the Plot--Mostly about the Origin of Emperor Han
The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor looks almost as tired as Brendan Fraser, who turned in his worst, most uninspired performance ever. Even my 3 year-old wanted to leave. And after a well-done glossing over of Emperor Han's history, it takes quite some time for the director to give it some gas, so to speak! It just kind of muddles around, before shifting into high gear, and offering just enough KICK! and BANG! to justify having to drive my family over and force my toddler to endure it, for free (with some Bestbuy.com dvd's). In fact (and I'm pretty sure I didn't intentionally do it), I even excused myself to the restroom (I usually never leave a film) to extract a giant popcorn kernel's shell from my eyelid, with no regrets. And though I was gone longer than I'd desired (since there was no mirror in the men's room, I had to be "escorted" to the ladies' room), I missed absolutely nothing. Thankfully, this PG-13 flick is only 111 minutes long.
A Plot Summary
Rick O'Connel and wife (replacement Maria Bello, who, like almost everyone else in the film except Luke Ford, one-ups Fraser) are culled from retirement to return a jeweled artifact to China, as a goodwill gesture. Unbeknownst to them, their rebellious son, Alex (the drab Luke Ford) has dropped out of college and is following in dad's footsteps, already working on excavating Emperor Han's tomb in China, where they meet up. To make a long story short, Alex finds the emperor's tomb, and, through a series of fairly predictable events, he is semi-resurrected. In order to become fully-restored, he has to get to a "fountain of life," of sorts, where he must precisely place the artifact. Unfortunately, he would also gain immense power, including the ability to transform into various creatures, including a dragon--only then would he (Han) be able to fulfill his desire to once again conquer the known world.
A Little "History" Lesson
In his "first life," Emperor Han (solidly portrayed by Jet Li, who flexes his versatility in one of his few "no more martial arts" films, although he does do some fancy fighting, of course) sought immortality, since his plans of conquest could not be attained in a single lifetime. In the course of this, he meets and becomes smitten by Zijuan, a "witch" played by former Miss Malaysia (and another fine performance!), Michelle Yeoh. Though she grants his wish, she rebuffs him, and instead falls for his general, Ming Guo (another solid performance by the talented and passionate Russell Wong, from the "Vanishing Sons" TV series), who betrays Han by returning Zijuan's love. Han gives Zijuan a choice--either become his queen, or Ming dies. She knows he cannot keep his word, so Han has Ming killed, right before her eyes. In retaliation, she curses him, and he and his army immediately begin transforming into terra cotta figures, although still destined to be awakened in the future.
Predictable Falling Action
The balance of the film involves keeping Han away from the "fountain of life" thingie, and preventing him from conquering the world. And that's pretty much it.
What Shakespeare Would Say ..."Expletive Deleted!" Seriously, though...
Isabella Leong and Liam Cunningham were the strongest actors in this film--their characters were well-developed, and their performances, believable. In fact, aside from Fraser and Ford's performances, the other key actors did fairly well. It's unfortunate that the film largely revolved around Fraser and Ford, but there was just no chemistry there--Fraser was very uninspired (underacted), and Ford seemed like he didn't belong, half the time, and overacted, at other times. It almost seemed like Brendan Fraser was there just to collect a paycheck. And Fraser just looked way too young to be Ford's dad (I suspect his piddling performance was a by-product of his trying to "act old"). In addition, Ford's character just wasn't well-developed--the film could've explored a bit of why he dropped out of school, and perhaps shown a falling-out with an archaeology professor, who didn't like his parents' work, or conflicts due to an inexorable urge to get "down-and-dirty" in the trenches, and do something to really impress his parents. But that didn't happen.
So is there Anything Else?
The cinematography was so-so-not nearly as panoramic or engrossing as any of the other "Mummy" movies-and the special effects, inconsistent--mostly OK at times, with a little WOW, dealing mostly with Han's creature transformations. I've seen much, much better--even from the prequels. Emperor Han looked kind of dull (as a mummy)--he needed more definition and contrast. I will say that the parts when his face cracked, and then his "mummy wrappings" melted back on, were very well-done (and I got a kick out of Jet Li screaming during this resynthesis). The sound was deafening, at times, but didn't seem to have great dynamic range--a "C+/B-" here. And his army looked like "bobble heads," at times--which leads me to believe that they probably used a lot of mannequins, and shook them, a la "Masquerade" in Phantom of the Opera, which was FAR more convincing. And being the owner of several HD-DVD players (see Toshiba HD-A3 HD-DVD player"), and a 37" LG LCD HDTV, I wasn't impressed by the flat, dull colors and apparent low resolution of the film.
Conclusion
The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor is the dullest of any of the Mummy series. It lacks the mystery and exoticism of the others, as well as the wide, YOU ARE THERE panoramic shots that added to the mystery. Two of the main actors turned in unacceptable performances (almost like they slept-walked through it), and it failed to depict how Alex O' Connell transformed from a bright, cultured kid with great parents, into a gruff, dull college dropout adventurer. There are a few surprising twists, a bit of an imbedded love story, and it was great seeing the rest of the cast turn in decent performances, but the 2 rotten apples really ruined the experience. The pace is overwhelmingly slow, but there is some decent action, once it gets started (I almost dozed off, prior to this). If you must see it, see it for free--or skip the DVD, and wait for the television premiere (which shouldn't take long). I'd give it just one star, but I'm raising it to 1.5, due to a mostly very good supporting cast.
Verdict: Worst Film of the (last several) Years
Afterthought: They actually have a chance to improve the film via the DVD release! Step 1: Have Fraser re-enact the entire movie, and cut-and-paste his head into it, like in Kung-Pow!. Step 2: Put in some better panoramic shots showing the scale of Han's empire. Step 3: cut and replace Ford's face and voice with a completely different actor's. Step 4: give Li's mummy an extreme makeover, or more highly-defined cgi.
To see what I felt like doing to this flick after viewing it, see my profile, HERE..
Here are a few of my other movie reviews...
"Wanted" is What U Want Nothing More. No Spoilers
The Joker is "One Sick Puppy!!!"The Dark Knight
This Movie is PERFECT for Our Times!(Iron Man)
Black Snake Moan---VERY PROVOCATIVE!
Quite a Thrill Ride, Even for Non-fans! (Transformers)
Shrek is BAAAACK!!! (Shrek the 3rd)
Part-Comedy, and Part Thriller (Hot Fuzz)
Really Fires the Imagination-National Treasure 2
The Bourne "Realization"-- WHAT A RIDE!!!
The Core--A Witty and Inventive End-of-the-World Adventure!
Did You Know that P.S. Also Means Post-Supernatural?
Would You Be Afraid of A Bully Named "Cloverfield?" (Horror)
Recommended:
No
Movie Mood: Die-hard Fans Only
Viewing Method: Studio Screening/Premiere
Film Completeness: A few glitches, but mostly complete.
Worst Part of this Film: Pacing
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Epinions.com ID:
kengland4
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Member: Kevin England
Location: Signal Hill, CA USA
Reviews written: 99
Trusted by: 40 members
About Me:
HAPPY B'DAY TO ME!BLACK FRIDAY!In lieu of a gift, read & rate a review--comments!
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