I Saw No Crazy Butt-Dancing!
Jul 15 '05
The Bottom Line This was no exception to the rule that Meet and Greets are fully awesome. Wait, do two data points constitute a rule?
Way, way back in September of 2003, I attended the first-ever Epinions Meet and Greet, which was held in New York City. At the time, we didn’t really know how many of those they were going to do, or where any of the future locations would be. So, having no idea if there would ever be an event in the Baltimore-Washington area, I jumped at the chance to take the quick train ride up to NYC. Well, a mere twenty months later, on May 21, 2005, they wound up in DC after all, and I was there to make the most of it! Here’s the proof: http://www.kodakgallery.com/I.jsp?c=eiddbkm.4jonlfka&x=0&y=ar6aqj
Oh, and I’m really, really sorry it took me so long to get this up. It was a conspiracy of events, if you will. My grandmother passed away (at age 82; she had a good life), so I went up to NJ for the funeral. Then I went away to St. Louis for a long weekend at an online roleplaying game convention. Then there was gay pride in New York City, and then I had a houseguest over the Independence Day weekend. And now here we are. Yes, here we are, a good six weeks after the fact, and my memory is just all kinds of shot. So, unfortunately, the fine details of what happened that night are just going to be...fuzzy. But let’s give it a try, anyway, shall we?
The Meet and Greet was held at Gordon Biersch in Washington, DC, which is adjacent to Gallery Place. It’s very easy to take Amtrak from Baltimore down to Washington and then hop on the Metro, which goes right to Gallery Place. However, since it was such a lovely day, I decided to walk from Union Station (as it was only about two stops away) to the restaurant, which is at the corner of 9th and F streets, NW. However, along the way, I learned something interesting: F Street doesn’t cross 395. So, I had to walk along 2nd Street so I could cross over the highway, and then make my way back. For a grid system, the roads in DC are damn confusing.
Anyway, I successfully arrived at Gordon Biersch, just slightly past 1pm. I headed in and was directed upstairs by a hostess. As I emerged from the open staircase into the merry sounds of an animated gathering just getting underway, the first person I saw was Mr. Garrett Gonzales, whom I had also met back in 2003 at the New York City Meet and Greet. I leapt up excitedly, as I am wont to do, and announced something to the effect of, “I’m here!” Garrett looked at me with what appeared to be a mixture of elation and confusion. “You’re...here! Did...did you RSVP?” “Um, yeah, I did. Like, five minutes after I received the invitation.” (My sent items bear out this claim.) Well, long story short, there was no pre-printed nametag for me. But there were blank ones, so I was soon labeled all the same.
Now, a word on the setup. We had the entire upper floor, which is a sort of indoor terrace overlooking the ground floor. There was an array of finger foods laid out, including a lot of stuff on one table that I can’t remember at all, and some chicken strips with sweet’n’sour sauce that was really good, which is why I can remember it. Maybe the Epinions folk have been on guard when it comes to chicken dipping condiments ever since the Barbeque Sauce Fiasco of 2003. Speaking of things that improved over the 2003 event, we had all the free drinks we wanted--including alcoholic beverages (which came at a premium in 2003). Sweet! Speaking of which, I enjoyed a pair of margaritas throughout the afternoon. I loves me some margaritas, typically the frozen type.
Okay, now it’s time to desperately try to recall all the fascinating people I met, and everything I did with them. Wish me luck.
Of course, my heart soared and I was filled with effervescent joy at the sight of my main mamma, Kristina, whom I hadn’t seen in a year and a half. There was hugging, and there also were questions about underwear (par for the course with us), and then we chatted about my love life, her job prospects, and so forth.
Then I sampled some people. Lemme ‘splain. No, is too complicated. Lemme sum up. IIRC, both Kristina and voxpoptart (henceforth, “Brian”) were sort of, like, nibbling on speeddemon531 (henceforth, “Mike”). I politely inquired, “Oh, are we nibbling on him? May I?” I was granted permission, so I delicately applied my lips to his neck and was not ungentle, but nor was my presence unfelt.. Mike is a handsome black guy of slightly below average height, and of a healthy build, which is my exact favorite body type. (It fits my 5’5” frame well, and is comfy.) So, you know, what possible reason could there be to not acquaint myself as well as possible? Mike also has the most adorable gaptooth. Is it okay to talk about people’s gapteeth? I hope this wouldn’t be considered inappropriate. It’s just... so cute! Like, “What, him worry?” And he’s got this puppy dog face he does, where you suddenly feel guilty for everything you’ve ever done wrong. And he knows what you’ve done, too, and he’s not even angry. He’s just...disappointed. How could you have done that?
Okay, back to Brian. He was probably feeling left out of the lavishing of physical affections, I surmised, so I began assessing his apparent undernourishment. He’s very, um, angular. Like, with extra elbows and scapulae all over the place. Poor guy. You just want to give him a sandwich and some pie. So, anyway, my exact comment wound up being, “You’re so boney!” Then, of course, Kristina helpfully asked if I’d conducted an inventory of his most important bone. I looked meaningfully at Brian and request permission for such an exploration. It was granted, so I proceeded to grope his crotch. As you do. It was impressive. I informed Kristina. I was surprised to learn soon after that, that Brian is straight. Most straight guys wouldn’t have let a gay guy do such a thing. Kudos to him!
Speaking of gay-friendly straight guys, that’s about when I met Tom. Tom is a heterosexual, and he totally digs chicks. But he watches and reviews a lot of gay porn. Seriously, he watches a lot of gay porn. Oh, all right. He watches and reviews a lot of movies that could legitimately be called borderline gay porn. Better? Anyway, he’s totally comfortable with gay people and their doings, which makes him cool in my book. Also, he drove all the way from Massachusetts!
I also met Caroline, AKA dizzybint. She came all the way from Canada, which I myself visited and loved about a year ago. We haven’t really encountered one another on the site, but evidently she’s had her observant eye on me. As it turns out, she is close with David Johansen, and I learned from her that I have his seal of approval, which I consider a great honor.
I met a number of other interesting people, who would surely deserve their own full paragraphs, if only I’d had more time to talk with them. There was Cletta, who is a local like me, and is what I believe one might call “Big, Black, and Beautiful.” She had her husband with her, and he’s just a little slip of a thing. Then there was this really attractive young blonde woman, and I just can’t remember her name or, like, anything about her, except that she was nice. Yep, it was a nice blonde lady. Hello, lady! And there were also Randy and Greg from the website crew, not to mention Christal, who is, like, seriously, seriously, seriously hot. Girl is foine!
So, all manner of introductions, thanks from the tech and business staff, and group photographs proceeded in rather frenzied order. Then, shortly after 4pm, things began to wind down. This was probably due, in significant part, to the polite but firm wait staff telling us that we, you know, had to leave. But we sure were slow about it. First we thronged on the ground floor among a collection of bar stools and counters, and then we congregated directly outside the exit, inconsiderately blocking the sidewalk and the entrance to the restaurant. Because we’re a really inconsiderate group. What are you going to do about it?
At that point, I learned that a significant group was planning to head back to the apartment of dr “Lori” devience, where they were staying. Apparently, there was a loop of some sort, and I’m out of it. The site has, like, a forum now, or something? Anyway, I gladly agreed to join them at the apartment to regroup and plan evening activities. The word “karaoke” had been thrown around a lot that afternoon. Oh, also, this was about the time that we first noticed Kristina wasn’t around anymore. We were out on the sidewalk, trying to figure out if she was still inside the building, or if she had left, but we just weren’t sure.
We split up into groups to head to Lori’s Connecticut Ave. (I think) apartment. I believe I was with Mike...and I forget who else. When you’re with Mike, why would you need to be with anyone else? (But we totally were in a group of, like, five.) Anyway, we walked back up to Gallery Place and took the metro to Adams Morgan (I think), and then walked to the apartment. We got their a bare few minutes earlier than the one or two groups that were in cars, and then we all headed up.
A period of general vegetation ensued. There were about a dozen of us, including Garrett who came up later. We were sitting on couches, chairs, stools, the floor, I think a beanbag chair, and sleeping bags. It was all very bohemian. We chatted about this and that, and then Tom whipped out his penis. No, seriously, he hauled out his trouser snake for all to see. But there was a good reason for it. We were all talking about piercings and tattoos, and then Tom mentioned that his frenum is pierced. A frenum is a membranous fold of skin, and you have several of them. For example, on the underside of the tongue. However, this was not the particular frenum in question. The frenum, you see, generally refers to the underside of the glans of the penis, and such was the case here. So, naturally, we wanted to see it. I mean, someone talks about their penile piercing, you want to see it, right? So he showed it to us, and it’s, like, a barbell through his frenum, and good for him and rah-rah-rah, but I would never get one. Also, I just don’t think my frenum is fleshy enough.
Anyway, after that brief diversion, we got back to the topic of Kristina, and how she had just totally vanished. We decided to try calling her, as somebody had her cell phone number. The problem is that cell reception in Lori’s apartment isn’t the greatest. So, in order to attempt to call Kristina, we had to stand in the corner of the bedroom and then lean out the window. There was also something about needing to wave the phone above our heads and cluck like a chicken. Anyway, we never did get through to her, and we were all disappointed. Kristina’s review later revealed that the poor dear was simply so exhausted that afternoon that she slept clear until 4am the next day. Despite our upset, it was time to think seriously about dinner. Lori had already told us that the most convenient place to go for karaoke was the Peyote Café. We did some checking, and it seemed that it would also be a good place to eat dinner. By all internet accounts, they opened for dinner at 5pm; I believe that it was roughly that time at that point. And, clearly, anything you see on the internet is trustworthy. So we headed over on foot, in a big scraggly group. And when we got to Peyote...it was closed. Naturally, we all felt betrayed, bewildered, befuddled, and bamboozled. Luckily, we were on 18th St. NW in Adams Morgan, so it’s not like we didn’t have options. We strolled around, observed a few restaurants that piqued our interest, and we settled on Mezč, a Turkish tapas tavern. (What? I felt like alliteration.)
Mezč has a Mediterranean motif that is fully consistent with the fare that is offered. The lower level, which includes an outdoor seating area, has a very maritime feel to it, and even the indoor portion feels as though it’s al fresco. Because there were so many of us (over a dozen people, I believe), we were offered the private upstairs room, which was free for the evening prior to a night-time party being held there. This was a slightly more posh environment, with low couches and tables, and a very intimate feel for our group. We were seated at two tables immediately next to each other, and I volunteered to order a variety of completely unpronounceable items for my group. Seriously, there were, like, cedillas under T’s, and unimaginable diphthongs. But all the items on the menu were fully described, so it was easy to find items that appealed to us. We wound up with a wide variety of things, including lamb, beef, and formed lentil pasteballs. You’d be surprised at how good lentil pasteballs are. And now I’m going to type “pasteballs” again, just because I can.
After dinner, we took a quick detour so that some of us could visit an ATM. On the way, someone (Sorry, I can’t remember who!) told an interesting story about body piercings, inspired by a piercing parlor was passed. (Tom was tempted to get a nipple done.) Anyway, the story was that this person (I can’t even remember if it was a guy or a girl!) knew a girl who had webbed toes. On a whim, she decided to get the webbing pierced between her first two toes. The piercing artist offered to do the piercing for free, as long as he could photograph the results and display them in the shop, since he’d never had the opportunity to pierce a webbing before. She agreed, so it was done. As it turns out, that type of webbing grows outward from the joints of the phalanges and wears away at the end. So the piercing eventually grew itself out to the edge and fell off. But evidently it was cool while it lasted.
So then we returned to Peyote Café, which had opened by that time. We were totally, like, the only people there at first. I got an amaretto sour (In fact, I think I had two.), my favorite drink, and it was pretty good. A bunch of us started getting into the karaoke spirit. I did “I Will Survive,” “I Touch Myself,” and “Don’t Leave Me This Way.” Yes, I am that guy. Deal with it. Anyway, after we’d been there for perhaps an hour, the crowd started to fill out. There was even a transgendered woman of some sort with this deep, Bea Arthur kind of voice. And then, at a certain point, Brian began dancing with Caroline. Alas, I cannot discuss this particular incident any further, due to my titular claim. Later, I went up to the bar to get a ginger ale (which was unbelievably reasonably priced, compared to what I’ve normally paid for soft drinks at bars), but when I got back, nobody else was in sight. This was a bit unexpected, so I just started drinking my drink while keeping my eyes open. It turned out to be a good thing that the soda only cost, like, a buck, because Mike soon found his way back into the bar to tell me that everyone was outside and ready to go. So, out I went, leaving 80% of the cool, refreshing carbonated beverage.
We all headed back to Lori’s apartment, and at this point is was after midnight. I asked her, “Wow, are all these people staying at your place?” “Yeah. Aren’t you?” And I explained that I didn’t really have to, since I still had plenty of time to catch the 3am train back to Baltimore. She looked at me as if I were an alien creature from Alpha Seti VI and said, “You’re staying here.” Well, that settled that. We all engaged in some more hanging out until we got too sleepy to function, and then we set about finding spots in which to sleep. Luckily, Lori’s myriad other guests had planned their visit pretty well, and I was able to claim a spot of unfurled sleeping bag next to Mike and Tom. Man, what did I do to deserve the opportunity to sleep with two such great guys?
In the morning, Tom agreed to drive me home to Baltimore on his way up to Massachusetts, after dropping Brian off at, I don’t know, it was either Dulles or National. When I was getting myself back together, at one point I slipped the case of my digital camera off my belt and set it on Lori’s coffee table. And then, I did not pick it back up. Naturally, I didn’t realize this until we were halfway to the airport. I knew Tom wouldn’t be able to take me back to Lori’s apartment, but I still wanted to find out as quickly as possible if my camera was definitely still there. (The thing is positively tiny, but cost a hell of a lot of money.) I didn’t have Lori’s number, but I had Mike’s cell number, so I tried it. Unfortunately, I got his voicemail. So there was nothing for it, but to enjoy the ride and then e-mail Lori once I got home. The drive to the airport was uneventful, and it was my first time to that airport, whichever one it was, since I always fly out of BWI. Tom has one of those awesome navigational computers, which was great because, well, damned if I can give anyone directions to my apartment. (After all, I don’t drive.) I mean, I can give people directions from I-95 or from points within Baltimore, but that’s about it. Anyway, I gave Brian a farewell hug, as well as one last grope, and then Tom and I set off for Charm City. We had left pretty early, since Tom was eager to get to Rhode Island to see his mother for her birthday, so it was only just past 10am by the time he dropped me off at home. He gave me an open invitation to visit him in Worcester sometime (He is just such a sweetheart! In fact, so is Mike, who extended a similar invite.)
So I headed inside, and first e-mailed Lori (and CC’ed Mike, in case he got on his laptop first) about my camera. Then I set to writing this review. Yes, I really did start writing the review that day. I just, you know, stopped after two paragraphs, is all. Anyway, I heard back from Lori, and she did indeed have the camera. She offered to mail it to me, but I asked if it might be possible for her to meet me in DC during the week, instead. It just felt more secure to me. And she agreed, so we hashed out the details. I was just relieved to know that my baby was accounted for. And so, my exhausting, exhilarating, carousing weekend with the movers and shakers of Epinions has a happy ending. If they ever hold another Meet and Greet on the I-95 corridor, I’m so there!
Epilogue: Monday evening, after work, I had to take the MARC train in the opposite of my accustomed direction, from BWI (I work right near the airport train station.) down to Union Station to retrieve from Lori what, dollar-for-ounce, is easily my most densely expensive possession.
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Epinions.com ID:
DavidK93
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 - Top 1000 |
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Member: David Kaplan
Location: Baltimore, MD
Reviews written: 119
Trusted by: 179 members
About Me:
Passions has been canceled, again. But I think I'll get over it; I've gained perspective.
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