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Of sex, intimacy, and other "touchy" subjects: For Jana's W/OJul 31 '05 (Updated Aug 04 '05) Write an essay on this topic.
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The Bottom Line Sex is a pretty controversial issue, so The Bottom Line is dreading being tarred and feathered.
Warning: This entry for the Let's Get Physical (Mature) Write-Off, while not too graphic, does deal with the author's views on sexuality. If you're under 18 or a prude, don't read this. 1~When you see a hot, and I mean HOT guy/gal what is your first thought? The first thing I wonder is if she's taken. Even if I start wondering what she looks like under all her clothes, what she likes in bed, what she might taste like, and whether or not she would even consider sleeping with me, that's the first thing I think of. The next thing that crosses my mind is, is she smart and kind enough to even see me, a disabled man in his 40s, as sexy? The third thing that crosses my mind is, most of the time, a fear of utter rejection. Especially by someone "hot." 2~Do you consider yourself well endowed? If so, details! The only way I can answer is by relating the following anecdote: Early on in my last -- and unhappy -- long-term physical relationship, my then-girlfriend, in one of our rare giddy moments in the bedroom, took out from her night stand drawer a novelty "penis measurer" with pithy little "nicknames" for each inch-increment (I am not sure what the smallest size was labeled, but think along the lines of Tiny Tim or something like that) and measured my, er, manhood; mine was rated "Homewrecker." The very few women who have seen me in the buff say I have a "nice one." 3- Are you proud of your assets? Which ones? When I'm feeling good about myself (and currently I'm not), I can look at myself semi-objectively and say that yes, I have a few good assets, starting with nice brown eyes, a tendency to fall deeply in love (a terrible liability, as a few women who know me can also attest to), a willingness to please, a warm smile, gentle touch, and, of course, Mr. Homewrecker. Most of the time, though, I sometimes just want to hide and not dwell on this. 4~Have you ever fantasized about someone else while with a partner? Elaborate... My sexual history is only of very recent vintage -- my first time was only a bit over five years ago and under very harrowing circumstances (which have been alluded to in some of my music reviews). With my first partner, no....I didn't fantasize about anyone but her while we were making love, not even about Kathy Shower, a little-known actress who was once of the few over-30 Playboy Playmates back in the '80s and was once my fantasy sweetie. During my less-than-four-day tryst with my first real sweetie, my focus was on my partner. With my second partner, this wasn't the case. I made the tactical error of drifting into a relationship with this woman partly because I didn't think anyone else wanted me (which is my current state of mind), and partly because I was so lonely that I fooled myself into thinking that in time I'll fall in love with this woman and be happy. But even when I was in bed with my then-girlfriend, my thoughts (and orgasms) were mostly related to memories about my first time. 5~Do you or have you ever used food for a kinky night? What types of foods? With my first time (let's call her "Mindy"), we didn't have a lot of time together to be creative. We met under very difficult conditions and she was on a business trip at the same time, so our sex was passionate, loving, and very hot, but there was no time to go for whipped cream or fudge or anything like that. The closest thing that I can recall was going by myself to Barnes and Noble while Mindy was at a seminar and buying her a Godiva chocolate. In one of our last really serious chats on Yahoo Messenger, she told me she still had the wrapper. With my other ex, we talked a lot about kinky uses of food, and she did feed me chocolate-covered strawberries. 6~Have you ever been to a fun party? Have you bought anything? Expand on this one.... I’m currently not in a relationship, so I don't go to parties where sex toys are either sold or talked about. I'm not sure if either of my exes did that...and I can't ask them. 7~What is your most exotic fantasy? Oh dear. This is a toughie. To be honest, right now just a one-on-one passionate encounter with a woman would be considered exotic. A menage a trois always sounds good, since this is possibly one of the more universal male fantasies. 8~Do you own any exotic lingerie, toys, etc? If so describe them! Er, no. The only sexual aid I have, other than my imagination and my memories, is a Jenna Jameson DVD (Baby Doll, which thankfully is not in the Epinions catalog and therefore I don't have to review it). It's okay when I am in the mood to watch it, but it gets boring after about 20 minutes or so. 9~Are you a nympho? If not would you like to be? Ah, this W/O was written by a woman, so the questions are mostly geared for women. Am I a satyr (the male equivalent of a nympho)? No, not really. However, I have a healthy libido and when I'm lucky to have a partner, it does awaken and revs up considerably. If I'm happy and feeling cared for and all that, then I am a somewhat more subdued version of Austin Powers. 10~Does size matter? Why or why not? Women say it's not how big it is but how it's used, but I don't believe that to be true. I didn't get too many complaints from either of the women I've been with, so on that front, I guess I'm okay with my size. If we are talking about women's breasts, I've never been really impressed by overly large boobs. I love breasts, yes, and if they have shape and definition (I'm a sucker for "Hershey's Kisses" or "champagne glass" shaped breasts), then big cup size doesn't matter. If we are talking about body types...I am also a sucker for women with an athletic build that are neither too skinny nor too Reubenesque. Oddly enough, my two partners didn't fit this body type.... 11~Ever had intimate relations with more than one person? If so, how many? Only in my fantasies. 12~If my sex life were a film title, it would be: *A Few Good Men *The Towering Inferno *Gone with the Wind *Somewhere in Time Ah, again proof-positive of gender bias in the write-off. While maybe a menage a trois involving another guy wouldn't be totally ruled out -- I'd have to be very secure of myself and very motivated -- A Few Good Men certainly doesn't apply to me. My own sense of honesty (or self-loathing at the moment) would say The Towering Inferno is rather laughable...a little Earthquake might fit the bill, because as sad as I am about my love-sex life, I can at least say that I am not chopped liver, either. I suppose Somewhere in Time or Gone with the Wind suit me best, depending on my mood. 13~In the sack, you'd most describe your personality as: *A naughty, filthy, dirty little ho! *Pervy in that creepy Dennis Hopper kinda way a little bit shy, but a little bit kinky too. *All business and you aim to please? *Something of a do-me queen, kind of vanilla, but nobody's ever complained! Imitating Ken Jennings on "Jeopardy!": I'll take Sexual Personalities for $1200, Alex. What is Pervy in that creepy Dennis Hopper kinda way a little bit shy, but a little bit kinky, too? 14~You are in the mood for sex... *All the time - morning, noon and night *Rarely - you just can't summon up the time, energy or interest. *At least once or twice a month *Every weekend, but you find it difficult initiating it Again, depends on my mood. When I'm in love and feeling pretty damn good about myself, it's *All the time - morning, noon and night, but lately I only get horny every so often. 15~What kind of build-up to the sex do you usually have? Details..... I'm seriously into the whole foreplay thing, especially when I'm in love. With my second girlfriend the foreplay was of variable levels of passion or excitement, since most of the time I was in it mostly for the sex rather than anything meaningful. Somewhere online I did write about my first time with the details y'all want...if you ask nicely and don't condemn me to hell for this piece, maybe I'll tell you where it is. 16~How many O's can you have if at all? Being a member of the male half of the species, two is the most I can achieve, with the second one taking way longer to arrive than the first. 17~The best part of sex is... *Mmm, there are too many good parts to choose *Hmm, it's been so long I can't remember *Spending some quality time with your partner *The touching and caressing Imitating Ken Jennings on Jeopardy: I'll take Joys of Sex for $1200, Alex. What is *Hmm, it's been so long I can't remember? (You can tell this write-off is really bringing out the humorist in me...) IF my sex/love life was going swimmingly, you bet your sweet bippy I'd have answered 1, 3 and 4. It's all good. 18~Have you ever taken medications/alcohol to enhance your love life? Nope. 19~You go on a date with a great guy/girl, but he/she doesn't lay a hand on you the entire night. You think he/she must: *Not be attracted to you *Be gay *Want to take it slow Dates? What are those? Fruits from the date palm? Oh, right...when you go out with someone....it's been a while. Imitating Ken Jennings on Jeopardy: I'll take What is Wrong With Me? for $2000, Alex. (Daily Double icon comes up, as does the sound) I'll risk $5,000, Alex What is "She doesn't like me?" 20~What is your favorite body part of the opposite sex? I have always tended to go for women with nice legs, shapely breasts/rear ends, and killer smiles. Last time I fell deeply in love it was based on her smile alone. 21~Will you still (s)talk to me tomorrow? Yes. Question is, how many of the women on my Web of Trust will still trust/like/respect me?  |
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