August 3
Aug 03 '05
The Bottom Line I don't have a bottom line -- I have a bottomless pit of hurt.
Today is my mom’s birthday. She would have been 76. She passed away several years ago due to complications from Alzheimer’s and ovarian cancer. I have written about her before.
My mother and I had a wonderful relationship. I am the youngest of 7 children so I was her baby. I thought the sun rose and set with her. I remember being in the third grade and she had helped me with a math assignment. It was really difficult and I was totally lost. My mom said she knew how to do it and helped me. Except when I got to school the next day, it was all wrong. I cried all day. It was that day that I found out that my mom wasn’t perfect. It was a hard lesson.
My dad was not a nice dad. He didn’t enjoy his children at all. Maybe having seven was too much for him. I don’t know. I don’t think he liked us very much. We couldn’t have friends over or make noise. I remember so many times getting into big trouble with him for laughing too loud. I remember hiding under the bed when he was mad because I was so afraid of him. But my mom was different. She let friends come over as much as we wanted them to -- when my dad wasn’t home. She played games with me. She taught me how to dance when I was a bit bigger. She was my confidant when I was in high school and couldn’t have girlfriends around because my dad wouldn’t allow it. She listened to everything. She understood when family pressure caused me to break up with a boy -- she understood the hurt in my heart. She was always there for me.
She had early onset Alzheimer’s disease. It is an awful illness. I am not like other people. I wasn’t brave in the face of this disease. I hated it. I hated what it did to my mom. I hated that it took her mind away so that she never knew my children. I hated that it took my friend away. My best friend. And even more than that I hated the cancer that caused her so much pain in the end. I just won’t ever be able to understand why all of that happened. And I will never be over it. I won’t ever stop missing her.
I don’t even know why I am writing this. Hoping to ease the pain of missing her, which is just engulfing me today. It isn’t working.
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Epinions.com ID:
patricknjacob
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Location: Missouri
Reviews written: 122
Trusted by: 109 members
About Me:
You're an idiot, babe. It's a wonder that you still know how to breathe. B.Dylan
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