Life in Stereo Pt. 1 ( Whisperscream’s W/O) Aug 05 '05    Write an essay on this topic. Tweet Popular Products in Music Jersey Boys [Original Broadway Cast Recording] by Original Broadway Cast From $8 Mai by Eri Sugai From $4 The Bottom Line nothing important will be said in this space. stop reading. does this annoying small-case writing not annoy you? it does? great. stop reading. I’ve been wanting to ink in something in a write-off like this for a while, but didn’t want to start my own, since I doubted if anyone would actually join (insert sad emoticon). Now that someone’s done the work for me however, I can merrily commence designing my personal soundtrack. And one day, when I finish directing that brilliant teen movie, the even more brilliant ideas for which continually haunt my dreams, these songs are totally going to be on it. In fact, this page will probably become much coveted intellectual property. I wonder if I can take this page off of public domain and auction its secret HTML on Ebay..ahem…anyway, here goes: Opening credits: Teenage Riot – Sonic Youth (Daydream Nation, 1988) I can’t think of a more perfect opening song, for me, at least. Its level of indie-cool is just enough to suit myself and any annoying scenester elitists that may drop by, but it’s also recognizable as an upbeat, if half-optimistic, half-cynical post- teenage angst anthem. In fact, I really do plan on piping this through my headphones as I take my virgin steps upon college grounds next month for my freshman year. How sad. Waking up: Rise and Shine – The Cardigans (Life, 1995) The tune is so remarkably ditsy, it’s desensitized me to poppier-than-pop pap that saturates the airwaves today. Actually, it hasn’t; I hate pop pap with an even greater passion today because the Cardigans exhibit, with ridiculous ease, how to make pop sound good. And yes, Rise and Shine does overdo it slightly on the saccharine factor, but it is a wake-up song. Readers should just be happy that I didn’t pick that terrible Boo Radleys song ‘Wake up, Boo!’. Once-cool shoegaze/noise-rock groups should not abandon their sound to fulfill their Beatles idolatry by mutating into a pop band mid-career. The horror. Average day: Heaven Knows I’m Miserable Now – The Smiths (Hatful of Hollow, 1984) I don’t really like the Smiths. I don’t get why they’re so great. I can understand the influence they had on Britpop bands of the 90s, but on their own, they’re not that great. (…continues to express his heresy as an angry Internet mob simultaneously prepares to ping his IP address in a joint statement of outrage….) Morrissey has a terrible, hollow voice, and the lyrics in this alleged ‘anthem’ are exceedingly childish and self-pitying. Unfortunately, I’m quite the self-pitying mopester myself, so this would actually work quite well as the ‘average day’ song. Witness Morrissey the perennial loser complain about the monotony of gainful employment, spitting on those in meaningful relationships, and turning down easy sex. What a dope. It’s a representation of how, on average days, I take evil glee in seeking out pathetic people to indulge in the serenity of that ‘Glad I’m not that guy’ feeling. There’s nothing like it, really. First Date: Black Metallic – Catherine Wheel (Ferment, 1993) It features guitars that are immaculately spaced out, but not in a drawn-out, art-prog, 10-minute Pink Floyd sort of way. The key adjective here is swirly. As in perfectly flanged, echoing, spiraling, clean guitar soundscapes that make distortion sound like what honey would, if honey were an instrument that made music. Swirly. I think a first date should be totally, utterly mind-blowing (like the perfect, only-slightly-wanky guitar solo featured here). It should be an otherworldly experience that gets better with repeated dates. However, given that the chances of that happening is likely to resemble a decimal point followed by a zero for every second I am on hold when calling the DMV and a one the second someone picks up, I’m going to go with a second, more rational choice. I choose the decidedly less ethereal Blinded by the Light by The Streets. It’s a half UK Garage, half Dub song about getting stood up at a club, and doing enough drugs to get your mind off it. That’s me. I’d totally do that. Falling in love: Only in Dreams – Weezer (Weezer , 1994) The ultimate comic-book fantasy of geek love put to paper and guitar. Thank God they did it, because if they hadn’t, I may have picked up a guitar and attempted to do so myself, bringing much shame upon myself and my immediate family. And if the statement they made with this 8-minute epic wasn’t as powerful as it was, I may have been wearing a paper bag over my head to this day. Love Scene: Only Shallow – My Bloody Valentine (Loveless, 1991) Oh yes. I’ve been waiting to get to this part. As you may have been able to tell, I’m a shoegazer. I enjoy all that involves moody guitarists staring at the floor while fooling about with effects pedals to create pretentious, complicated guitar noise, and taking the liberty of calling it music. This song, however, absolutely defines what shoegaze was destined to personify: human desire, both physical and emotional, captured through barely-muffled, layered, sugary but lumbering waves of guitar drone and noise. It sounds like how you might feel making love inside an aquarium, half-asleep, but with a methamphetamine-induced appetite for sex. Fight Scene: Taste the Floor – The Jesus and Mary Chain (Psychocandy, 1985) Picture this: Two British goth kids, naïve enough to believe they’re anything but, write this little ditty about S&M (my best guess) with whooshing, gigantic, metallic guitars and vocals set at maximum reverb. A perfect adrenaline-boosting, synapse-awakening electric mainline. Life’s OK: Born Slippy – Underworld (Trainspotting OST, 1996) I listened to this once while lying down on the grass, staring at the sky on a windy, cloudy day. It hadn’t started drizzling yet, so I didn’t have to fret about wet grass ruining my dope threads, or fat raindrops landing in my eye, wreaking havoc on the contact lens nestled within. And it was nice. Born Slippy may have been this overblown, absolutely massive dance hit, but it works perfectly well in helping people reach Zen-like serenity without having to read anything. Breakdown: Picnic by the Motorway - Suede (Coming Up, 1996) It’s one of the best songs the group recorded, and is on one of the worst records they made. A friend tries to console another in crisis; there’s absolutely no pretension here, just the innocent sentiments of a friend doing what he/she can to make the buddy feel better. The addition of keyboards and a particularly wrenching guitar rhythm are particularly poignant touches. I'm so sorry to hear about the news, Don't you worry, I'll buy us a bottle and we'll drink in the petrol fumes, I'm so sorry to hear about your world, Don't you worry, There's a gap in the fence down by the nature reserve, Hey, such a lovely day, such a lovely day, Such fun, looking at the lovers in a lay-by with my little one. OK, this has gotten pretty long, so I’ll end Part One here. I’ll be back for Part 2, with my picks for the Driving, Partying, Deep Thought, Happy Dance, Regret categories, as well as everything else. Thanks for reading!

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